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Well it was made clear today

copingwith2
copingwith2

So he called me about wanting into the garage and I have the key.  He doesn't live at the house so I am not sure why he feels he should be able to come and go as he pleases.  But in the course of our conversation I said there is no us anymore. and he said what do you mean there is still us with me and the kids. I said yes with you and the kids, I meant you and I. and he flat out said no.  That hurt, really hurt.  He said I am making it a hassle for him to see the kids - which is not true, I drive them to his work to meet with him, I meet him to pick them up.  But because we are back to school they can't sleep at his girlfriend's on school nights because they are a 45 min drive away from our house and the school.  He told me "we will see about that" He doesn't see the issue with him being so far away and trying to get them to school.  I never stopped him from coming to see them in the evenings or them going on the weekends or the kids going with him on the evenings.  He wants them to sleep over more but our daughter doesn't want to sleep there, she finds it hurts her to see daddy kissing another woman on the lips.  He doesn't see how hard this is for her.  HE also was mad that the kids want to call me when they are with him but they don't seem to want to call him when they are home with me.  I tried explaining that I am their constant so of course they are looking for me, but he just said well that is going to change.  All these little threats scare me.  I don't want to put the kids through a big fight. How did we get so far apart?  How do people make it through this?

Danceintherain
Danceintherain
What a jerk! This is typical though. Keep a log of everything. When you drove, where, how long they were there, how often he comes to get them etc. Stop explaining things to him. He's too blind right now to see what he is doing and will just turn it around on you. Try to be as neutral as possible and just keep the " I don't know" stance. Don't argue or try to "make him see". If you don't have an attorney, start interviewing them asap. Hugs
MrCellophane
MrCellophane
My wife and I were separated for two-and-a-half years. She had our children 3 days per week, and every other Friday; I had our children 3 days per week, and every other Friday. Regardless of our differences (and there were many) my wife and I had the routine of always calling or doing Facetime around 8.00 pm, so that we could talk to the kids each day and say goodnight. Sometimes I would read them a book, or they would show me artwork they had done at school. Honestly, Facetime was a Godsend and lifeline for me. I think what made it work for us was that, on the nights the kids were with me, it was MY responsibility to call my wife and make the kids available; and on the nights the kids were with her, it was HER responsibility to call me and make the kids available. I didn't have to try and catch them at the right time, and my wife couldn't just not answer the phone. It was not acceptable for either of us to say something like, "Oh, well, they're watching TV and don't want to talk to you right now." No. I would turn off the TV and say "Okay, time to call your mother." She did the same. I made sure they called her every night they were with me, and she made sure they called me every night they were with her.
copingwith2
copingwith2
That is really a good option, but I have tried to call him and facetime him and he doesn't answer, or messages me back that he is busy, or at the movies was the most recent response. I will even text to say kids want to call and he either doesn't answer or says later or tomorrow. He really hasn't been putting the kids first through this. I wish he would.
copingwith2
copingwith2
That is really a good option, but I have tried to call him and facetime him and he doesn't answer, or messages me back that he is busy, or at the movies was the most recent response. I will even text to say kids want to call and he either doesn't answer or says later or tomorrow. He really hasn't been putting the kids first through this. I wish he would.
MrCellophane
MrCellophane
Well, it's not a routine yet, is it? So it isn't something that will just happen, or be organic. Maybe text him much earlier in the day - "Would you like to Facetime with the kids tonight? Maybe around 8.00? Let me know and I will have them call you." Then, when they are with him, text him early in the day to say "Can I Facetime with the kids tonight? Would you please have them call me around 8.00?"

I dunno. I don't know your situation or how old your kids are. Maybe this isn't a routine that you need. But it worked really well for me and my wife. There were additional benefits, too. Like, even when she and I were totally at odds, there was this ONE thing that we could continue to mutually agree upon. I took responsibility for something I knew was important to her, and she took responsibility for something she knew was important to me. It really helped build up the trust and communication between us.