Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Well,
there's this guy
it's always the same one
Everyone tells me he's bad for me
he's toxic and manipulative
and is using me as an anchor to "save him from himself"
which doesn't really make sense...because if he's such a bad person, why would he need me?
6 years we have gone back and forth, trying to stay away from each other(well, it's mostly me that wants that) yet we are drawn to each other.
we keep coming back, and no one gets that.
I don't think we get that even.
We were never together- we were an something
we were a sleepless night nothing that means more than we will admit
I finally told him off last week
I told him that I see through him like shattered glass
that he thinks he some big deal because he has his stuff together, when everyone else is struggling to find their place
that he's not a good person, that he uses his charm to manipulate, trap people under his spell
and perhaps, that's why he's drawn to me
because i refuse to let him...control me? No, it's not that extreme.
because I get him, I get him so completely, that he can't let me go. he holds me close in case i stray- which i do often.
i told him things that...well, many things, things he doesn't want to admit to himself.
then, last night, our mutual friend said he asks about me. that he wants her to trick me to come over to his place
so, "We can sort out the mess that she created because of her crazy, her neurosis"
nearly all my friends, the ones who haven't seen us interact with each other, said it's no use talking to him. they warned me that i'll sink deeper until I drown.
does that make sense?
i need to let him go. i should have ages ago.
Why can't he accept that?
there's this guy
it's always the same one
Everyone tells me he's bad for me
he's toxic and manipulative
and is using me as an anchor to "save him from himself"
which doesn't really make sense...because if he's such a bad person, why would he need me?
6 years we have gone back and forth, trying to stay away from each other(well, it's mostly me that wants that) yet we are drawn to each other.
we keep coming back, and no one gets that.
I don't think we get that even.
We were never together- we were an something
we were a sleepless night nothing that means more than we will admit
I finally told him off last week
I told him that I see through him like shattered glass
that he thinks he some big deal because he has his stuff together, when everyone else is struggling to find their place
that he's not a good person, that he uses his charm to manipulate, trap people under his spell
and perhaps, that's why he's drawn to me
because i refuse to let him...control me? No, it's not that extreme.
because I get him, I get him so completely, that he can't let me go. he holds me close in case i stray- which i do often.
i told him things that...well, many things, things he doesn't want to admit to himself.
then, last night, our mutual friend said he asks about me. that he wants her to trick me to come over to his place
so, "We can sort out the mess that she created because of her crazy, her neurosis"
nearly all my friends, the ones who haven't seen us interact with each other, said it's no use talking to him. they warned me that i'll sink deeper until I drown.
does that make sense?
i need to let him go. i should have ages ago.
Why can't he accept that?
I think the problem is with us, letting them run circles around it.
We almost got married.
I went to therapy and it helped me realize that all the good we had was fake. The bad was real.
Once I dated a man for a short time who was good for me, but I was bored and looking for something else...
Now that I think of it , boring is so much better than the heart ache.
Neither one is a good answer, but at least the boring man didn't take and take from me .
Try to cut him loose.
it seems you can't, if you did, you'd have dropped him say maybe 3 years ago
Who cares who has seen you two in the private moments together and who hasn't. Anyone listening to or reading what you are describing about the relationship would be concerned as you should be yourself.
He wont get it if you continue to engage or entertain the conversations with him. You wont let it go if you keep focusing on the few good things and negate the mountain of bad. Including his last statement to your friend with name calling and putting it all on you.
Now, I dont know all the interactions between you two; you may be draw for the positive and negative. meaning, you like the back and firth. You engage in name calling or arguing or fighting with him. If thats the case, then you won't let him go because this is what you know and are really Ok with.
again, I dont know everything based on your summary here. But the fact you are still talking to him as of last week, even if it was to tell him off, indicates to me you had some sort of normal communication prior and may have been "back on".
In the end, until you quit "it" yourself, it will continue.
Welcome to the group
Everyone already gave you great advice to let go and move on.... I am just giving you the best recipe I know on how to do it.
LOVE YOURSELF enough to put yourself out of harms way and into a path of growth and happiness.
Welcome to our humble and helpful group. It is filled with some amazing people.
Please let him go by blocking him from everything and just never responding to him. Cold turkey, like Lonely Wolf says, is the only way it will work. You have taught him you will let him back in so it will take some time for him to leave you alone.
You do not need to spend the rest of your life fighting with this guy.
I wish you the very best of luck.
If you dont want to be with him then why be so cruel as to take him back. Why not keep strong and be honest with him and say I dont want to be with you and I will not be with you.
He may go through the pain and hurt and he may try to get back with you, but only you can let that happen. So this is on you not him.
You cannot lead someone on intentionally when you have no interest in them, especially since you know how much he wants to be with you. What your doing is cruel and mean and not something to be proud of at all.
I am quite upset with this post as I am the guy in your situation chasing someone I want and he keeps taking me back, but I don't know if he is really just like you, who doesn't really want me, but takes me back just because he can and to play with me until he is ready for something else.
Maybe you might need to think if a guy did this to you, how would you feel. don't break someones heart on purpose as actions have consequences and one day you may just have tomatoes on your face.