Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I was recently ghosted out of a nine-month relationship with a woman I deeply loved. I went to therapy and was diagnosed as a codependant - which cleared up a lot of what was wrong with our relationship.
But one of the exercises the therapist gave me was to make two lists:
1. What were some things I can't stand about her?
2. What are some of the reasons it's best we are broken up?
This exercise helped me greatly. I could not believe how much negativity, drama, and trouble she brought into my life. I framed my lists and put it where our picture used to be. I would suggest this to anyone seeking some techniques to get over someone. Here is my list as an example:
Things about her I hated:
1. Her childish behavior in public
2. Addictions to alcohol & weed
3. Her Son's behavior toward me
4. Always late making me wait constantly
5. Messy & unclean living behavior
6. Her family against me
7. Her Ex's emails I had to answer
8. Her Lack of communication skills
9. Her inappropriate comments in front of others
10. Her horrible parenting inc smoking weed in front of them
-------------------------------
Benefits of breaking up:
1. No more son's behavior
2. No more Ex's emails
3. No more embarrassing comments or behavior in public
4. No more family visits at her Mother’s shitty home
5. No more weed and alcoholism
6. No more asking me to buy her weed
7. No more unclean mess all over her house
8. No more weird neighbors watching us
9. No more weird friends that made me uncomfortable
10. No more waiting constantly for her to get ready
11. No more spending frivolously on weed Y booze
12. No more loud kids in the morning
13. No more emotional breakdowns
14. No more random singing in public
15. No more arguing about parenting
TRY IT AND FRAME IT! Whenever I look at this list I am glad we broke up.
What other techniques helped others here?
Lately, I have also experimented with some "forget your ex spoken meditation" videos on youtube. I'm not sure if they work since I haven't forgotten him, but they are very relaxing and put me to sleep, so I guess that makes me forget him for an hour or so :)
@NeonStrawberry.
I hope you don't think I'm stalking you. LOL After reading another post you made and reading your reply above, I see something you may not have noticed. If your ex-boyfriend was badmouthing his ex, you can be sure that is a flaw and a red flag. Most likely now that he is back with her, he is badmouthing you to her. Look up re-bound relationships, I suspect that was the case here. Most people mistake the bad mouthing of an ex as a good sign that the person is over their ex so they feel safe starting a relationship with them. It really never works out that way. There is a saying, "If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you," that is often about cheating, but it also fits this scenario as well.
I shredded lots of the papers he left behind. Don't care if they matter to him or not, if they had my name on them too, they were gone!
Did the bad photos thing on my phone for awhile, that helped. Have since deleted them.
Carried around in my wallet a printout of the characteristics of a passive aggressive (that's his thing). I looked at that list a thousand times to remind myself that I was not crazy, and who exactly I was dealing with. This was a life saver to me.
I became a very strong runner during the initial phases of my divorce, I ran like a mad woman with every pound of my feet on the ground representing a kick to his head. It was therapeutic.
The thing I hate most now is seeing other people when I'm out and about who resemble my ex! Yuck! The flight instinct kicks in at those times.
All in all, after being with him for over 3 decades, I think I'm doing pretty great considering it hasn't been a year. It all requires real effort, and a strong backbone and persistence. We'll all get there, just have to keep smiling!
That's a good one!