Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,009 Members

100,360 Posts

0 Online

22hope1227 04/14/2015

I'm 24 year old male and my girlfriend broke up with me. I feel she was the one and I was already saving for a ring.

Some background. Things in our relationship weren't the best for a few months and I know that was my fault. She landed a great job in Maryland and I followed her with nothing. I just packed up and went. I quit my job here which I was not enjoying. I was able to find work in MD but it was meaningless to me. Not that it was bad but i have a master degree in criminology and haven't been able to find work for well over a year now that requires a degree in my field or something close to what I would like to be doing. So I basically left a crappy job for another one. I became depressed in maryalnd because all I had was her. I wasn't able to make friends because of my work schedule. She worked 9 to 5 and I worked 2 to midnight or later and on weekends. I became depressed and didn't want to admit i needed help. I started to act different and was really miserable to be around. I started to be immature and rude to her. I started to see it effects when i hit an all time low. By this time I was starting to seek help and I quit my one job that was making me miserable to save my relationship.

By this time my girlfriend told me it was to late and she fell out of love with me and hated who I became and who I was. She told me i needed to move out. I'm now living with my parents and have no job. I feel worthless and even more depressed then what I was before. I tried to talk to her and tried to reason with her but she just keeps saying it's "over and i know when it's done it's done". The last we talked was through text on Thursday and I have been the one that has reached out to here each time.

I have been seeing a therapist to help me overcome my depression with my job search. I don't know what to do now about this situation I am in. Please are there others out there like me? I would do anything to get her back. I have tried to make that known by explaining to her that I am getting help and trying to be more positive and that I am not that depressed miserable person. I don't want to give up. I don't want this to really be over.

kbbcoop77 04/14/2015

When one is done then it's done. Work on yourself and with your education you should be able to find work and move out on your own. Make yourself happy first. If she wants to come back after that it's up to her but don't stay stuck in false hope because statistically the odds of reconciliation are extremely low. Read this guide :
Www.breakuprecoveryguide.com
It helped me after my wife split. You have to take care of yourself now and what you've learned from this so the same mistakes can be corrected in your next relationship. Take care

broken234 04/14/2015

I think you may have to accept that it might be over. But even if it's not yet, you can't convince her by telling her what you plan on doing. You have to show her. You have to become a better you. Focus on yourself and your own happiness. Yes it sucks, believe me I know. I am working through my 18 year marriage ending. But I know that there is no amount of begging or pleading or convincing I can do. I have to focus on myself now. If it works out in the end then it was meant to be. But once you focus on yourself you might find that you don't want her back. Hang in there.

idontmakeherhapyenuf 04/14/2015

Broken is right. Work on yourself. You and she are no longer a team. If you were to win her back it would be a someone new she is attracted to, not as a repaired version of the old you. I am speaking from experience though each experience is different. Cook's and mine are very different, and although we have very different perspectives I believe his words hold more truth to more people than mine.

Praying for healing for you.

22hope1227 04/14/2015

Thank you for the support. I just don't want to give up. I feel like it's quitting. I'm having a hard time focusing on me since we were a team.

cloud26 04/15/2015

The people who commented are right when they say you should take time to work on yourself at this point thats all you can do. Looking back at your relationship and blaming yourself will do you know go good it will fill you with a lot of unneeded guilt and regret no of which are positive. Going forward will be difficult especially since you thought she was the one for you. Try doing little things that make you happy or find hobbies that you enjoy to occupy your mind. Going to therapy is a great start but you have to allow yourself to get better and no dwell on her. It can be hard to accept but you have to realize she may never come back to you so hanging on to her will do you no good it will just make the hurt worse. It will be hard but you should try to refrain from contacting her and trying to convince her to get back together with you if anything you could push her further away. I know how you feel when you say you dont want to give up on her but sometimes you have to let people go because at the end of the day your mental wellbeing is priority number one.

idontmakeherhapyenuf 04/15/2015

I have been married for 14 years when my wife decided she no longer wanted to be married and leased an apartment. Most of her unhappiness was her responsibility but I was not a perfect husband either. Over the course of 2 months, I have not only won back the love of my life, but also been a part of a relationship that has now progressed to a new quality of marriage. It can be done, but what I went through was the most painful, self-sacrificing, self-improvement in my life. I am still actively working at this every single day without exception. It only worked because my wife realized she wanted it to work, but there is no question I helped her to that revelation. From the posts on this site, I believe reconciliation is EXTREMELY rare. I would be happy to share what has worked for me but you need to know you may be holding into false hope.

ChiTownBear 04/15/2015

The more you continue to focus on her, you lack to focus on helping yourself. I don't know your whole story, but the summary you gave here, says all the blame lies on you. If that is the case, my hopes are you will be able to see that working on your own happiness and wants in life, will brings greater rewards then even she can offer you.

To be honest, whether she wants you to continue to pursue her, (as yes, there are some who don't really want or mean it is over), or she is truly over it, in my opinion, the best thing for you to do is lie low. Continue to see your therapist, get yourself in a good place so you are not only good for yourself, but also good for another, whether that is with her or not.

Lying low is not quitting. It is definitely the opposite; if you do what you already need to do for yourself. Get yourself good and get to liking yourself and life again, what will come in to your life, will be what should. Most times, it isn't what or who we expect.

Much luck your way

Welcome to the group

22hope1227 04/16/2015

Today is really hard for me. It's been one month since our break up. I know I have false hope and I don't know how to get rid of the false hope. I'm trying to push to do things for me.

My good friend is getting annoyed that I reached out and tried to talk to her. I was just being nice not asking to get back together. Just seeing if we could talk here and there.

I have so much regret right now. I know i'm better then this but I'm having trouble I feel I keep taking negative steps back and can't get to the positive ones about dealing with this break up.

I've come to terms with my job and where I am in my life. But with this it's different.

Join the Conversation