Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I am struggling soo much right now with the holidays around the corner. I was in a long term relationship but we had been fighting constantly for 7 months. I just wasn't fun anymore, but I didn't want to lose that person who I planned on marrying. We no longer speak and it is hard on me right now. I keep thinking of all the things that we had talked about. I know its good we are not together but I miss that companionship. I feel like I settled and was afraid to let go in fear that I wouldn't find someone again. I"M SOOOOO AFRAID I am going to be alone forever now. :(
Trust me you won't be alone....but i'm finding it really good to read through some different relationship materials and learn more about myself... try this website it;s quite therapeutic if not a little harsh:
http://www.baggagereclaim.com/
The last week I signed up on a dating site again (2 months since my break up) I honestly just wanted to test the waters and flirt a bit and just see... I don't know what happened but a few gave me their number..one just a few hours from me wants to take me out to lunch once ... another couple I hit it off with ... but I balked cos it brought up such strong emotions of missing my ex Then one guy I was liking was trying to convince me I need to give him a chance to help me move on lol .. it was kinda funny until i found out his name which was the exact same name as my ex (sigh)
All this is to say.. you WILL attract someone new in time....I liked watching this program Tough Love recently...run by a son and mother who are professional matchmakers and they take some girls through a bootcamp. Their whole attitude was, work on yourself ... but keep dating.. as in .. these girls would have a crisis over the failed date, next week he sets them up with someone new..etc..til they made a match... there really is an even better relationship for you out there...take the time to work on you, to heal, but then start taking baby steps soon as you can to meet people.. just to prove to yourself you ARE Attractive..
I'm still wanting to reconcile..but I can't help but feel a little more valuable than before..I mean I've had some hotties chattng me up and I'm like.. >> Really? i'm not hot..I never have been. But they seem to think otherwise. It shows me something... there are guys out there that you ARE their type... and maybe the ex didn't value us as much as he should have. Find that sense of value and self esteem again ... and you will for sure not stay single!
Have a merry christmas!
Merry Christmas!
but yes I think it's important to find a settledness within ourselves ... to know we have got the basics of life under control ... we are all wired for companionship and love, I fully believe that ... but it's that weird mix of needing to be self reliant and independant too to make it work....
> i'm still learning lol.
...wow...tough when he gave you a ring...that must hurt. A ring is so symbolic ... then again we just can't know what lies down the road. As much as it hurts.. I have to believe if it was meant to be it will still sort itself out (with both of us)
After reading a ton of relationship materials though I'm starting to believe that though relationship take work ..and can be hard..however good they are...there are certain types out there that make it DAM harder... as much as I love my ex... dang any time we had a disagreement he made it soooo hard to work through ... realy we could have solved things so quick if we were both mature.
All I am saying is there are people out there that DO want a healthy relationship and would be prepared to work on things... him just walking away ... just shows they were not ready to really be a man and work things out....
I just wanna encourage you ... you really do have many good years ahead of you. To be honest my best romances were in my late twenties and now into my thirties... I'm so much more settled in who I am. In my early twenties I went overseas and I was travelling and living overseas for about 9 years before returning back to NZ were I grew up, for the last 2 years.
Where i live, a farming town, there are so my my age, and also WAY younger who got married 18, 19, - 24 .. They have kids...a husband..a mortgage. I feel for them sometimes.. I see these women chomping at the bit and as lonely as I have been sometimes, and as much as I have longed for that "domestic bliss" I've also had a rare opportunity to explore who I am, to really experience life first ...
Make the most of being young...start dreaming. Think of something realy really exciting...saving for a trip somewhere exciting?? Moving towards a career you would just LOVE To do...and DO IT! it's in those places you will meet different kinds of people (men in particular) and you will be a richer person (And a better partner) for it!!
hugs!
Have a merry christmas!!