You can't make someone fall in love with you. A relationship takes a lot of work throughout the years in order to sustain many things, including that "want" for each other. You could try to go to counseling to see if talking about this will help bring you two closer together again. You can suggest date nights or new things you two can do to rekindle some sort of something. There can always be a fight for something when you have a will, but some times, when things have gone too long without care, there is no bring it back. I can refer to leather or something like that, but you get what I mean.

Welcome to the group

love via "intoxication" can only last so long, then it becomes a choice,thousands of daily small ones and big ones
do you have kids
can you be sure that he has no other
best friends and no hope? ...he is selling youn a line of shit

I think there is the friends circle, then there is the relationship circle. I think a spouse shouldn't be put in the friends circle. They should be kept in the relationship circle. For example, my girlfriend is not my friend. She is my girlfriend. See the difference? She does girlfriend type things to me that a friend doesn't do. I don't know if what I'm saying makes any sense but it does to me.

Hang in there sonya. hugs.

I suggest Marriage counseling for you both and if you can afford it Individual counseling as well. Your situation is not unique...unfortunately. The thing is, people take these feelings as a sign the marriage is doomed to be like this forever. go to counseling for professional advice and do those things suggested. But it only works if both partners are all in. My EX-H was not all in and said those things the counselor told us to do were merely suggestions.

I am so sorry your going through this. My take on it is that relationships work both ways and you get what you give providing your not giving to a taker. It take lots of work to keep a relationship alive and well and romance and intimacy are two of the key factors to keep it alive. Communication is the other major factor that comes into play. As many have suggested I think you should try couples therapy to at least get the things out that are bothering you both and you can work on them. If you end up in divorce it will help to have a clean slate to start over and remain civil with each other for the kids sake. You can not make him love you, but you may be able to fall back into love with lots of hard work. Date night is a very good idea as it gives you two time to be alone. So many people get rapped up in life and something always has to give and most of the time its the relationship between work, kids, shopping for necesitys and paying bills.

In my opinion this life is insignificant and all we have is love and minute happiness from small things. Without love you have nothing good in life and people should work their heart to maintain the love. I wish you the best of luck and Hugs.

I heard that from my ex after he was a checked out spouse and cheating in his heart,
He had made his decision i think long ago, we did the marriage Counseling, since he
was checked out it did no good and he would not be honest Or be willing to change.
The good part was i met with her and he also did go alone so I got validated and got
her feedback on any the likelihood of the marriage going Forward and In my case she
told me to leave it will not get any better. I stayed and Tried some more did no good.

I think when this happens, the person who feels they have fallen out of love is usually cheating or has someone else in mind, and it is affecting their feelings for their primary partner. This is a huge red flag, and I say that as someone who had an affair. Alternatively, or in addition, the partner who fell out of love is codependent and burned out with resentment over all the things they have failed to express over the years. Therapists say people can definitely fall back in love.

Thank you everyone (and sorry for such an untimely response). I agree with what you've said and the advice you've given - thank you so much. I feel so alone...I'm 38, we've been together since we were 24 and I've just not know a life alone for a long time. He's very depressed and hates his job which causes a lot of issues. He's also in grad school so he's extremely stressed out about school and work and honestly, I get back burnered. Maybe our biggest mistake was becoming not just lovers but also friends. He's definitely pushing me away - like he's happy to have me around but doesn't touch me. He's never happy and honestly, it scares me for him. Everyone deserves to be happy but he's got such low self esteem he can't find anything in his life that is good anymore. We are in counseling - we go separately as well as together. I don't feel counseling has helped him though it has helped me. I'm just scared of the future that I always saw him as part of. I'm not desperate or the type to force someone to be with me or even try to - I'm fiercely independent and would be just fine on my own...I'd just miss him. How do you know when to call it a day? When it's time to stop trying? I'm sad for him as he just is so down in the dumps about everything...I hoped counseling would help him become a better person for himself - he's a wonderful person with big depression problems (and no, he will not take meds). I just worry about him...and I don't know which way to go for myself. Again, thank you all so much...having people there to talk to when I feel so alone really help. Thank you thank you!

I lived with someone with depression/bipolar for many years supporting, loving, being there for him only to have him have an affair in me 15 years in. When people constantly look to the external to make them happy are NEVER happy. I tried to pull mine into the light for far too long until he decided another woman was the answer to his unhappiness (she wasn't). If your H is this damaged and needs this much uplifting I would tell you get out now. Don't waste another 10 years of your life. Relationships should not be this hard and he does not sound strong enough to pull himself out - you can't do it for him. Much love to you. So sorry this is happening to you.

If he has a big depression problem, it's ultimately HIS problem. There's only so much support you can give a person who may not be willing to help himself (by not helping himself I mean meds, especially if his therapist is suggesting them). Sure, you can hang around for month after month, continue therapy and hope things will get better. Or year after year. I think that in your heart of hearts you already know that it's time to call it. I'm sorry.

Sonya, I'm concerned with what you said about being not just lovers but best friends. I'm certainly not a relationship expert—have yet to maintain one past the four year mark. But, to me true love is someone you can also call your best friend at the end of the day. After all, love is fleeting. When my golden years come (if I'm ever so blessed), I would like to be enjoying them with my best friend.

Thanks so much Eevee - that is exactly the way I feel though my counselor tells me its important to separate the two and I'm having a hard with that as I felt they really went together. Sarah and jojo - yeah, I'm at that point - I don't want to give up on someone so down already but I also don't want to be a doormat and be the blame for all HIS issues. It's just hard to tell when enough is enough...like when is the last straw, ya know? I know it's getting close and I'm not a woman that will sit here an wait forever....but it's hard to draw that final line in hopes that he fixes himself...but that is not worth living a lifetime waiting for it. Thank you all so much for the amazing advice...so thankful.