Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,009 Members

100,360 Posts

2 Online

Somerdad34 07/31/2008

I don't get my stbx at all. She keeps using the kids time as some sort of currency. She thinks by letting me have the kids, other than the specified time, that I should thank her because she is doing me a favor.

The reason for the extra time is because she needed me to watch them. She needed me to watch them because she has plans or she is sick. Just this past monday, my daughter called me at work saying my stbx is sick and can I pick them up and take them to my apartment.Of course I said yes. I view my time with the kids as precious. I got an email from her today stating that she gave me the extra 5 hours this week and I should thank her for it.

Another example is she gave me an extra weekend with the kids because she had something to do that weekend and I should appreciate her for all the time she is giving me with the kids.

I don't get her at all. In the mean time, she doesn't appreciate the fact that I have no problem having the kids and I don't hold it against her.

deleted_user 07/31/2008

That's odd man, I don't understand it. From what I've read on here most women wish their childrens' fathers spent more time with them anyway and want them in their lives.

deleted_user 07/31/2008

Ahhh, you have become her built in child care provider and she wants you to be thankful for that! Sorry I don't think anyone should be seeking gratitude. Don't fall for it. Next time she needs for you to take the kids..hem and haw a little on how busy you are...don't say that you won't take them...just make her realize that you are doing HER a favor!

Somerdad34 07/31/2008

My stbx has this sickness of needing to control everything. That is the reason for our separation, I finally had the courage to stand up for myself and she didn't like so she kicked me out.

deleted_user 07/31/2008

She needs to thank you and realize that atleast you get kids and spend time with them. I think you are a good dad for that.

deleted_user 07/31/2008

My advice would be to be the bigger person and take your kids whenever you can. Dont let them be caught in drama. Even if you dont tell them what is going on they eventually will look back and realize all you did for them. Dont let her think she is using you but instead youre a great dad that would do anything to be with your kids. Even just to drive them down the street can be extra time spent hearing what how their day was.

Just be their DAD thats always there for them and let her look stupid and petty in the long run. Sounds like she doesnt need your help with that one.

Good Luck and document any extra time you spend with them if you ever need to change your custody time situation.

deleted_user 07/31/2008

sounds a lot like my ex. She tells me the same and under similiar situations.

Somerdad34 07/31/2008

I'm afraid what she will do when I say no to her. She is such a vindictive person, I know she will find soemthing and turn things around that i'm a bad father because I said no.

deleted_user 07/31/2008

you cant fix stupid

hurtinandhealin2560 07/31/2008

Make sure you are documenting all the times and dates that you take them when she asks. If you fear that she may retaliate in some way later on when she's upset with you (like maybe try to deny visitation), you will at least have some evidence to show you were a loving, caring father.

Join the Conversation