Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So he came over.
Now I feel super super confused.
He had bought a car load of complete random stuff from the house. I just dont get it at all.
But then we talked some, and I cried some. He said it was over and what's done is done. Then we chatted some more about family and what was going on with everyone. I said some things I wanted to say, he said some things and it felt nice.
Then he asked me if we could go for a coffee or lunch. I agreed and said 'why not'
He took my hand as we walked through the city. It was nice.
We found somewhere to eat and had a nice talk over lunch, it was as if we had never been apart. ( I know I am romanticising there!) He said 'did you se that a guy nearly got run over as he was looking at me?' We talked some more over lunch about us and the future and how he wanted to continue to work together and what I should do with my accounts. He said he had left his wedding ring in my jewellery box for me to do with as I wished. We had a long hug as he set off, he told me he loved me and always would. It felt so nice. I miss him. One minute he was saying he wanted me to come home but I didnt so it is over, the next minute he says he cant sleep without me and just wants me to come home. The next minute its over, then I love you. As he left he said 'try and be excited about your new life here'.
Im so confused.
What just happened?
Have I just had an almighty mind fuck?!!!
My true colors and ilene are great with this
stuff. They are on the Physical and emotional
abuse forum mostly. HUGS
Worse is way out of my league of knowledge. You
could post on the P E abuse site too. They Are good
and understand the emotional dynamics. HUGS
It doesn't matter what his problem is. Your problem is you're not taking charge of your own life and allowing his words to dictate your emotional state.
In layman's terms, you are being PLAYED.
Doesn't matter if he's a sociopath, narcissist, alcoholic or just your average get over artist. You are allowing this.
And until you decide you've had enough and slam the door shut, he will continue to do it.
And you will end up with the shit end of the stick.
(My ex is back in the state and staying in my house for a couple weeks spending time with the kids while they're on summer vacation while he's waiting for his renters to move out of his house. This is the kind of stuff we've been doing/ talking about. The thing is...it's OVER for both of us. I remember him trying to do this in the first weeks after he left...it didn't work back then. I wanted back together, while he didn't want to feel guilty about ending our relationship.)
The one that leaves often acts like this. Usually they don't get the mental anguish that the other person is in.
You're not ready to be friends. You may never be ready to be friends (I wasn't for years.) You need to tell him that, but it's not up to him to figure out what's best for you...you need to do that. So you need to say "that's not a good idea" when asked for lunch, and "I can handle it" when the subject of your accounts (or anything else) comes up.
Hugs, I remember it all to well. I didn't eat, and cried for 3 months straight. You're strong, you can do this, Patti