What a complete and utter asshole. This was always my fear with my ex because I got so attached with her biological son..we didn't split until much later and now I have a better relationship with him then she does because she was the cheater and liar and he's disgusted with her like the whole family is.
I'm not sure if you have any rights since you 2 were married and she is probably attached to you? This really sucks. I feel for you seriously.

Btw, if you've been a couple for 18 years how do you have an 8 year old step daughter? Was there a previous split?

Wow. If he's not a fucking coward, I don't know what he is.

I feel so badly for both you and your step-daughter. She is only 8 and she must be so confused right now and really, what a completely selfish bastard for moving in with this chick just like that given everything. Just wow.

And I can absolutely understand your hurt. Give the anger time to start rolling in, because guaranteed, it will.

You may not have any parental rights, but if I was the bio-mom I would be raising holy hell right now. Just fucking wow. SMH. Big hugs to you. I am so sorry.

Yes, we were a young 19 when we met. Around 26-27 we split for a little over a year, that's when she came into the picture. She doesn't remember life before me, she's my best little buddy. I'm sure she misses me, and that breaks my already shattered heart. I've been scanning websites to see if I have any rights.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. My husband left me after a few years of marriage for another woman so I know how badly it hurts. I hope that you can maintain a relationship with your stepdaughter. You said you spoke to her mother. Might you be able to have contact through her?

I should have mentioned that in some states stepparents may seek visitation rights if they acted as the psychological parent. Proving that may be complicated depending on the level of involvement of the biological mom.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You will get mad, right now the pain is too raw but it will come. When something like this happens, it like a death, like losing someone in a car accident or something sudden but they aren't gone...they're still around. In that aspect I think it's harder. It's shocking and traumatic. The pain is unbearable...I know when my boyfriend left me quite suddenly I told my mom that I hurt so much I didn't know how I could physically survive it. She said she felt the same way when she and my dad first split up.
You will grieve this loss and through the grieving process, anger will come. I wasn't angry for a few weeks but then it came and went. Once the shock and utter disbelief wear off a bit, the anger will start coming.
I hope that the court requires some sort of parenting class for him. You should continue to be part of your step-daughter's life for both of your sake, but especially hers. I'm sure she misses you, too, and this is probably confusing for her.
Hugs to you...take care of yourself.

Thank you everyone for the kinds words of support. I am close with my family and have several close friends, but none of them have ever gone through anything like this before.

I am VERY thankful my stepdaughter's bio-mom and I worked hard at having a good relationship. She's a good mom and is sicken by what is happening. She says she'll make every effort to keep me in her life. praying this is true.

so sorry for your step daughter, she is stuck with an evil monster of a "daddy" . he is all that a man and a daddy is not.
do what you can to be who you've always been for her regardless of the short term you need to be a north star for her, a constant guide for her bearings

as for you, the advise is harder to give, I understand the depth and breadth of what you face, facing similar myself and all too new (15 months --- new) to say what worked for me, please know that it will take some time for you to get your head on straight, took me about 14 months until the inner fuzziness started to subside
as for the inner darkness of anguish it is stilll gonna be awhile for the clouds to part

so please whatever emotions may come think that you are crazy or awful or any of that bullshit ---- the infidelity may mess with your self-esteem, as for support it took me a long time to find anyone that could identify with me, my family very supportive but no experience with what this shit does to a person and unless you've been through it you can't imagine it

i hope the best possible thing,the right thing, work themselves out for you & your stepdaughte

6 hours have passed since I was supposed to receive a call from my step-daughter. no phone call and when I tried calling it went to voicemail. He's a cheater and an big fucking idiot, but I never thought he'd use her against me. This is getting worse by the minute.

For him to use your daughter like that he's a fucking coward. His character is abysmal, an immature child. Sorry your going through this, take comfort in the child's bio mom is standing by you. Good luck

Sorry you are going through this. I can relate as my ex also left me for another woman. I had been in my stepsons life for 10 years (he was 4 when I met his dad and 14 when we divorced). Although I was very close to my stepson I made the decision that he would no longer be part of my life. He knows I love him, but he has a huge family that loves him as well. I loved him enough to let go and move on.
His mom does occasionally update me on how he is doing in school and even sent me pics from the first day of school.

I understand that you have been in your step daughters life for a long time but please make sure you are keeping her in your life for the right reasons and that it is in her best interest.

It sounds as if you step daughter is with her dad today...I would not rely on your STBX to be the link between your step daughter and your communication. I would go no contract with him and any communication can be arranged through her mom, especially since you get along.

I would seek out a lawyer ASAP and work on moving forward with your life.

ALD13072 -

I really appreciate what you've said. I have gone back and forth a million times already about what would be best for my step daughter. I did get to talk with her today, once she was at her Moms. It was so wonderful to hear her voice. I love that kid so much, I only want to do what is in her best interest. I'll need to think some more on that before deciding. Also, the no contact, you're so right! I'm done.

I'm meeting a lawyer tomorrow.