Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,009 Members

100,360 Posts

1 Online

CantLetGo 09/05/2017

Hi. You guys probably saw my post yesterday saying it'd been 1 month exactly since the breakup. Well, I made the truly hard decision of unfriending and blocking my ex on social media. It may sound silly but it was the hardest thing I've done so far. I love him. He was my best friend. And now he's been reduced to a shadow. I'm sure I'll start losing some mutual friends now too and I'm scared to watch my friends list dwindle but I knew I had to do it. It was time. I would see him comment or even just "like" something and even if I'm wrong it all felt like it was directed at me. And, since I know my ex so well, I'm fairly sure it was directed at me. Somewhat passive-aggressively. Anyway, he had told me to unfriend him a couple of weeks ago and I stubbornly wouldn't do it....it hurt he'd even suggest it and it seemed odd that he wouldn't do it himself. About 3 hours ago, I did it, along with deleting all messages between us. I took his credit card info off of my Amazon account and deleted his Alexa. And I never cared about that, he could have used it forever, but he obviously doesn't want me anymore since I haven't even heard from him, so why leave it? I mean every time I'd go on Amazon I'd see his grocery list and it's silly but it hurt. Anyway, those things are silly and I'm not petty but he hurt me so deeply and continues to hurt me. Everytime I look at my phone and see that he hasn't even said hello. It's like being stabbed over and over again.

Lotessa 09/05/2017

NC is the single most effective way to let go of someone. Leave it all behind and start again from the beginning - your beginning that is!
I already saw your previous post and wanted to comment that you have to delete him. I'm so glad you reached that decision on your own. Stay strong and don't(!!!) look him up. If you need to message someone feel free to contact me instead

trisha9054 09/05/2017

You shouldn't mind losing friends. Those you lose now were his friends. Those that stay should be friends true to you. Also I hope your settings are friends only. If not do that too .

11Christmases 09/05/2017

Good for you! I'm so glad you changed the passwords on those accounts.

When my ex quickly remarried after our divorce, I unfriended everyone in his family and the mutual friends who I knew would be insensitive enough to post some picture or status about his wedding. It is empowering. Now you have made room for more people in your life who truly care for you. Big hugs.

CantLetGo 09/05/2017

I did not expect to feel like I do. I sobbed on my drive home from work. It was almost like breaking up again. And I realized that I have shut the door on the man I thought was my best friend. I never knew I could feel so defeated. I love him still. I wish for him still. But I know I had to do this for my sanity even though I currently feel crazy and like maybe I made the wrong decision.

yougospam 09/05/2017

It is not silly or petty at all. It took me a long time to delete my ex's text messages. It took me even longer to delete his contact info. from my phone, I'm talking 2 years, even though I had quit all contact with him, I knew he was a just a phone call away. When I finally made up my mind, I just deleted it and lived to tell about it. The sneaky thing about that is I could still type in his name and it would remember it, arrgggh. Once I got a new phone (just a few months ago) all of that contact info was gone. Do I still remember his ph#, yes, it's burned into my heart and brain but now I don't ever see it so that does help during the healing process.

I did unfriend him on Facebook immediately (I couldn't bare to see he and his kids living life w/out me) and when it came time to renew our AAA membership (which I always paid for, thank you very much) I didn't pay for his. It ticked him off when he went to use his card and it was declined, score one for ME.

So hang in there. The quickest way to recover and move forward is to leave all of their garbage behind, where it belongs. My counselor gave me this advice-quit looking in the rear view mirror, you're not going that direction!

Good luck, I know it is hard, I'm 3 1/2 years out but I dragged my feet on letting go but that is how I got through the yuck and the muck of a broken heart. We all heal in our own way, in our own stages. Just take it one day at a time.

Misred 09/06/2017

I'm proud of you for taking this step. It will make a huge difference in your healing. (((HUGS)))

Lenoire 09/06/2017

This feeling you're experiencing, of still being in love with him and thinking well of him, is a temporary phase. It subsides as long as you don't feed into it. You won't feel love for him once the reasons you're no longer together sinks in and cements itself. The amount of time the phase lasts will depend on you, and how long you want to remain there. Self-pity and woe keeps us stagnant, and whittles away at our psyche and self-esteem.

Wishing you well.

Sadpanda01 09/06/2017

That is a huge step. There was an emotional roller coaster that went along with that step for me so you might want to be prepared. He told me to block him so I did and then he called me a stupid bitch for blocking him. He spent a lot of time looking a my friend's pages and calling me names when they would post pictures with me in them. He even sent messages to a few people asking if I'm sleeping with them or where I've been. He has sent me new friend requests. He has blocked and unblocked me so many times. It is great that you decided to take that step. It shows you are one step closer to healing. Congratulations!

CantLetGo 09/06/2017

I actually received a huge text message from him. It was mean. He implied I did the blocking out of spite and that I was stalking him anyway. and that I took away Netflix from his daughter. And that he'd been "thinking about me lately a lot but that doesn't matter now"......it goes on and on but ultimately, he is making me out to be a bad person. I'm devastated. I'm anything but mean. I would never do anything to hurt him or his daughter. It's like a slap in the face. I mean he told me to unfriend him or what I'd see would hurt me, it took me a month to do it and then I get this treatment? I don't even know what to do now.

copingwith2 09/06/2017

I am sorry he has done this. To me it looks like he isn't over you either, and now that you are doing what he had asked it is becoming real for him too that you aren't going to be there for him all the time. I changed my Netflix password as well and when he brought the kids back the other day he asked what the new password was because the kids had wanted to watch Netflix. I just said it was my Netflix and why would I give the password out for him and his new girlfriend to watch at my expense? It is a lot harder than anything to let someone go you love so much, and when they hurt you with mean texts it just brings all the pain back. It hurts just as much when they are nice to you too. I am sorry he sent that message to you.

Mannatee 09/06/2017

You have been very brave, you did the right thing. The fall out of a break up resonates everywhere. Only a few people know about our break up at the moment but its only a matter of time before more people know. Inevitably then people will take sides even if they dont want to. Our friends will feel awkward and will avoid both of us until they choose who to stay in contact with. The in-laws are there for me now but there'll come a time when that'll cease as blood is thicker than water. His selfish actions have hurt and will continue to hurt so many people. Stay strong

copingwith2 09/06/2017

Mannatee - my in-laws were the same, I went over to talk to them after he finally told them and they seemed supportive - this was just 2 weeks ago. The tone has changed already, my MIL removed me from facebook and doesn't acknowledge me. My FIL hasn't removed me from facebook yet, but it is only a matter of time. We were never super close but I went over to talk to them to tell them this was not what I wanted and I did/do really love their son. I also wanted them to know they could let me know anytime they wanted to see the kids. But I haven't heard from them.

Misred 09/06/2017

I hope you didn't respond to his text. If you have just stop, if you have not, ignore, ignore ignore. You don't owe him any explanation. Youre not being mean or any of the other crap he's accusing you of. Get in self protection mode and move on. When you look back at this you will see him for what he really is.

CantLetGo 09/06/2017

I did reply. It was mostly straight forward. I told him I unfriended him because he asked me to. That he was right and it was too hard to see "his life". I also told him that I love him and that every day I think about him and that in no way would I ever do anything to hurt his child. I just wouldn't. Anyway, maybe I got played a fool and he has the upper hand again but I'll know soon enough. He said I'd be getting the rest of my stuff dumped off before the week is over. It really hurt me, that text. I have not done one single thing, hell, I've not begged pleaded texted etc.... I was letting him go like he wanted. The lashing out via text makes no sense to me at all. And, if he does still have feelings for me then why didn't he tell me that? It had been a month.

Misred 09/06/2017

Based upon the response you got, tells me he is making you out to be the bad guy. This way he gets to say, "she did X so I did Y."

I'm sorry you are hurting over this. You don't deserve it. (((HUGS))))

Join the Conversation