Aww, hugs to you! Sometimes you just need a crash day to snuggle up in bed and brood (I do anyway) and it will hurt like hell now, but it will get better. I read a question i thought it was a good one, and the answer you have might help you. "Is this the kind of relationship i would want for my children?"

I Know what you mean. My soon to be ex left 2 months ago and I have been on the floor doubled over I pain over it. I still miss him but what I really miss is my companion of 13.5 years. He was my person to go to dinner with and be together with at night or on a cold day when we would stay home all day. My therapist says I miss the idea of him because he treated me terribly....he was either really hot or really cold to me. He was emotionally and verbally abusive to me for our 12 year marriage but then we also had incredible, loving moments and memories...well at least that is the way I remember. He is an alcoholic and pot smoker and has other issues like a crazy and possessive mother so lately when I miss him I am trying to let the bad memories fuel me so I can get over him faster. Any of us going through this will have good and bad days so we have to be strong and yes keep reaching out to friends and family. You are normal and human to feel this way. Don't be too hard on yourself! Hang in there!

Thank you Quinn. I definitely wouldn't want this relationship for my daughter. At first he seemed perfect for me but then he became very possessive. I also realized he seems like a narcissist but I'm not quite sure.

@ideservebetter, I am so sorry you are going through a tough time too. I agree, I think it's the companionship and the idea of him I miss more than anything. His parents were both very involved as well. He was adopted by people with money and I think that LED to some sort of codependency.
I know you will get stronger and miss him less. It helps for me to remember how manipulated I was throughout our marriage. That was one very big issue.
Thank you for reminding me I'm not the only one.
I am here for you too if you need to talk. Hugs

I do the same as you. Especially at certain times of year. I get nostalgic and miss the good times, then I cry and wallow for a couple of hours. I wish I could be hypnotised to remember only the bad and toxic things about our relationship. I also think my mind exaggerates the good things out of fear of not finding someone else. Lets hope we keep our sense, get through these difficult days and come out of it healthier and happier.

Yes I totally understand. I miss having someone to always talk to and confide in. Hopefully we all find someone like that in our lives who is not our STBX.

I completely understand and you're not alone. When the kids are gone it feels very lonely. I've heard this too shall pass.

You are not alone, I am lucky in the sense that my stbx does not see the kids as our oldest son is 19 and our younger son is 16 and for the time being wants no contact with his father until his father is in a healthy place, I do know if my children were not with me I would go bonkers , they are my everything . Perhaps you are finding who you are when you not around your children, no there is no better job than being a mom but I am starting to find who I am besides a mom, I wish you luck .:)

So very sorry! I would hug you if I could. I am missing mine too....and am completely aware of how toxic and harmful to my kids and me he was....but its like my heart won't stop telling my brain to miss who I thought he was....which was never really real to begin with....I'm sorry you are going through this and I am a listening ear