Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Today is the two month Mark since my ex-fiance left me, it's still very hard at times like it is for me right now. I sit here in my new home, which has helped detour the in home visual reminders, for I was miserable in the old place we shared, reminders and memories around ever corner. But tonight I revisited some of our old stomping grounds of, a local park we used to walk through late at night, the route taken, and ended my trip down memory lane by stopping in front of my old place. Standing there reflecting on the good times, remembering her the way she was when she first arrived at my home, then calling it ours.
As I made my way back home I got very choked up and stopped and sat on the street curb and just started crying. I looked up into the night sky and asked quietly "why"? Why did someone who came to me so sweet, so full of life, so full of wonder, so full of innocence, why did she come to me as a heaven sent being and left me as a servant of the devil?
It still very much hurts and stings me how someone could give up their free will and powers of choice and listen to one's parent. A parent that had hard pressed his Daughter about coming home and needing her disability check to survive. And when that wasn't working to toss in that he got a message from God and was told that I was no good for her, and that God said it was time for her to come home, and she bought it!
In all of my 44 years of being alive, I've never had a relationship end this way. I've been through regular breakups, I've been through a divorce, but never had I dealt with this! All one needs to do is view some of my journal entries to see how mixed up I was and kind of still am about this. Also getting a call last week from one of her family members, stating the even before my planes wheels came to a stop in Columbus Ohio, her Father had me and my family scooped out on Facebook. Telling this family member, that all the people his Daughter could hook, she hooked them a winner! Also telling this family member that they'll have to try and get in on some of what me and my family has.
To know that I was reeled in like a fish and was suckered from the start feels bad. I brought this woman into my life because I loved her, I gave her a ready made home because I loved her, I gave her access to my family because I loved her, I gave her access to my friends because I loved her, I gave her access to my money because I loved her, I gave her multiple trips to places she'd never seen because I loved her, but more importantly, I gave her all my love, because I loved her!
It really hurts my feelings because now, after that call from her family member, I now have to question from "day one" is motive, which now taints and tarnishes the whole relationship. But even with everything I still find myself miserable without her. I very much miss the woman I first met, not the woman who put all the blame of our failed relationship on my shoulders. Who walked out the front door for the last time leaving a ice dagger in my back, penetrating my heart.
I sat there on the curb, looking into the dark sky asking "how do you let someone you love go"? I know it's probably for the best that things are over, her narcissistic Father, her Mothers bartered wife syndrome, and my ex-fiance being a sociopath in retaining! I know it would have ended eventually, but the spin chilling and depressive "why" keeps haunting me.
I apologize for maybe just rambling here, but I'm still hurt and confused and torn and very much conflicted of who the woman I love and loved really was?
As I made my way back home I got very choked up and stopped and sat on the street curb and just started crying. I looked up into the night sky and asked quietly "why"? Why did someone who came to me so sweet, so full of life, so full of wonder, so full of innocence, why did she come to me as a heaven sent being and left me as a servant of the devil?
It still very much hurts and stings me how someone could give up their free will and powers of choice and listen to one's parent. A parent that had hard pressed his Daughter about coming home and needing her disability check to survive. And when that wasn't working to toss in that he got a message from God and was told that I was no good for her, and that God said it was time for her to come home, and she bought it!
In all of my 44 years of being alive, I've never had a relationship end this way. I've been through regular breakups, I've been through a divorce, but never had I dealt with this! All one needs to do is view some of my journal entries to see how mixed up I was and kind of still am about this. Also getting a call last week from one of her family members, stating the even before my planes wheels came to a stop in Columbus Ohio, her Father had me and my family scooped out on Facebook. Telling this family member, that all the people his Daughter could hook, she hooked them a winner! Also telling this family member that they'll have to try and get in on some of what me and my family has.
To know that I was reeled in like a fish and was suckered from the start feels bad. I brought this woman into my life because I loved her, I gave her a ready made home because I loved her, I gave her access to my family because I loved her, I gave her access to my friends because I loved her, I gave her access to my money because I loved her, I gave her multiple trips to places she'd never seen because I loved her, but more importantly, I gave her all my love, because I loved her!
It really hurts my feelings because now, after that call from her family member, I now have to question from "day one" is motive, which now taints and tarnishes the whole relationship. But even with everything I still find myself miserable without her. I very much miss the woman I first met, not the woman who put all the blame of our failed relationship on my shoulders. Who walked out the front door for the last time leaving a ice dagger in my back, penetrating my heart.
I sat there on the curb, looking into the dark sky asking "how do you let someone you love go"? I know it's probably for the best that things are over, her narcissistic Father, her Mothers bartered wife syndrome, and my ex-fiance being a sociopath in retaining! I know it would have ended eventually, but the spin chilling and depressive "why" keeps haunting me.
I apologize for maybe just rambling here, but I'm still hurt and confused and torn and very much conflicted of who the woman I love and loved really was?
You are still feeling as though you still love her because you're recalling how she made you feel. It is these feel good feelings we get ourselves that we miss, not necessarily them as a person but how they contributed positively to our lives. As you stated at the end, who was she really? She was someone who made you feel good about things, for a time. Now she isn't. Now she is making you feel like crap. Withdrawal sucks, doesn't it?
Take time to heal. No one knows how long that will take, not even you. When all is said and done you'll eventually get these feel good feelings just doing your own thing or a Maricris, Sheri, Sue, or Carolyn will come along and you feel these things once again. Gee those four names look familiar. I wonder why?
Try to go with the flow. Most all rivers end in a larger body of water, very few actually go into the ground.
And lately I sit and wonder how much of a part did my ex-fiance in the baiting me and her family reeling me in like a prized fish? Was she just a pawn being played by her parents? Did she play her part for her parents by getting me to Pay Pal 100's of dollars to them in the span of 13 months? Was all I good for to them was the money and giving their Daughter the opportunity to have a good time at everyone else's expense?
I'm with you Agent Smith.......where are the normal people!
Yeah, at times I really miss the person who was my ex-fiance, but not as much as I miss the feelings associated with a long term relationship. And your also right about the withdraws, it totally sucks! And going back to living by myself again, the transition is still something I'm getting used to. At times I catch myself thinking that someone is still here, like when putting something somewhere in the house, "better not put that object to high, remember she's short Aaron and won't be able to reach it", then I shake my head and snap back into reality and then think, I can put anything anywhere I want! :)
Even with all the bad I experienced with my prior relationship, it did teach me one thing........"Aaron doesn't like living on his own" I miss companionship, I miss sharing the journey with someone, but more importantly, I miss having someone to love!
I was like you, didn't like living alone at all. Even though my divorce was ages ago I had a live-in g/f for about 2 years that ended about 2 years ago so the adjustment had to once again be made. I like it in many ways now but in ways I still don't. At this point in time if I date again we'll keep our own places, so I guess that means even if by an edge, I've come to the point of preferring living alone and I didn't think I'd ever say that. So you never know!
Tomorrow is another day though and I know how sneaky that loneliness factor can be so I better find some wood to knock on. At times, it is still hard, but then so isn't living together.
Also the "I'm out the door" mind games the departing person can play. The little things they do, that they purposely leave behind, knowing that you will find out about them way after they are long gone and safe. One example, during my recent move, a move that my ex-fiance knew was coming, she knew that I would move after she was gone. So during the move out I was emptying out the hallway closet, no biggie, just some boxes, I get down to the last box on the floor, lift it up, and found my ex-fiance's engagement ring under that box, purposely put there, and the real kick in the crotch about if, she had taken some sort of cutting instrument and cut the ring in half. So I found a broken ring, which made me instantly think of how much of a broken person she was and is. But finding the ring that way, remembering the feelings the day I put it on her finger really hurt.
And like Agent Smith was eluding to "where are the normal people"? I'd like to know, because how can someone like my ex-fiance, who always thinks she's normal and everyone else has the problems, how can this so called "normal person" like her be able to rationalize the ultimate betrayal? How does a person like that rationalize the purposeful hurting of innocent people? How can a so called normal person like her purposefully and knowingly make choices that disrupt a family? And in the end, how does a so called normal person like her rationalize the purposeful playing with someone's heart and life, by trying to destroy them as the betrayer walks out the door?
I don't get it! It's as if these kind of people have some sort of light switch in their heads, that they can flick on to turn their emotions on and be good loving people. Then they can flick the switch off and be heartless and unkind and unloving selfish people!
I don't get it?
And I wonder, like you, how he can rationalize how he treated me. When he knew the trauma I had been through. He knew that my exes had treated me this way and how traumatized I was from it. He talked about how shitty they were for treating me this way. Then goes and does the EXACT SAME THING! Does he take responsibility for it? Probably not. He's probably bad mouthing me the way he did about his other exes. Probably finding some way of twisting everything around so that I am the one who screwed everything up. These people are so messed up.
I know what you're going through man, and I just want you to know that we're all here for you. I have a message of hope from my end, and I hope my story will make you feel better. :)
My fiance left me for someone else after a 4 year relationship, and she wasn't the most honest with me about things. We were long distance but we had a very strong relationship before it the LD started. I trusted her (with regards to a so called friend who were there for her there). But eventually she got confused with respect to her feelings for him, and even though I was supportive of her, she ended things with me to be with him. All of a sudden, no indication whatsoever.Took me to my knees in one hit cause I did not expect it.
I did not know what to do. I came on DS, posted my thoughts and people were really supportive. Of course that did not take away the pain. I still had to deal with moments of extreme grief, shock and depression, and trust me, I had no idea how she could put me through so much pain since we were so close and I gave the relationship . I didn't get much of a closure cause I could see a reason for the breakup. Felt like a knife in my back. I guess you're going through the - ''She was perfectly normal, we did not have any issues - how on earth/ why on earth would she do this? I am a good guy!'', just like I did.
I relied on my friends who did a great job of being there for me. And I am now in a much much better and happier place than before. I do feel low now and then, but I know that i deserve better. Today I chanced upon a tagged facebook picture of her (with the guy she left me for nonetheless, lol) and you know what? I wasn't attracted to her in the least! It did not hit me, or affect me or upset me. I didn't care. I am surprised but I know now that's because I know that I deserve much better.
You do too brother. Anyone who lets you down when you need them or when you do your best for them do not deserve you. :)
Feel free to message me if you wish to talk. I got through this, and so will you.
As time went on, story's about gaps in her childhood memories came up, also story's about how when a young teenager her being a "cutter" surfaced, mainly damaging herself around her vaginal area. Story's about being exposed to childhood verbal abuse by her Father and Sister's. The story's about being exposed to her parents alcoholism and the domestic violence between the parents, several other hardship story's came up, but to many to list!
I knew none of this when at her home, nor when courting her over such things like Skype and the cell phone! So at first I thought I was getting exactly the type of down home country woman that I had always desired. But towards the end she told me that u should have never thought of her as a wholesome lady, she told me that she's nothing than "first class redneck white trailer trash"!
At first I thought I had myself a Rolls Royce, but in the end she and her family proved to be nothing more than a muddied up broken down late model Dodge Ram pickup truck.
"I deserve better" and hopefully one day I will find her!