Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
When I met my now ex, he had only a few clothes, no car, no belongings and was making $23,000 a year.
In the 2 years before our marriage I worked 2 jobs in order to get us ahead. I bought a house on my credit (his was too bad to even be able to co-sign), got him hired into a major company (I knew someone who got him in) and dragged him to a doctor who put him on Humira to stop his constant pain and slow the deformity of his hands and got him to a dentist to get all of his teeth fixed.
While I was working 2 jobs, he was spending his nights at a female co-workers house. When they were supposed to be working an when her husband was out of town, they would go to her house and live it up.
I know this, because just before he left, he laid all of this on me. We weren't even married during that time....
So, he went to making over $67,000 a year plus hie $17,000 military retirement. A new, bigger, better pickup every year. The one he drives now is a $40,000 turck. He was buying $400 pair of cowboy boots, $200 hats - you get the picture.
Last year he thanked me for everything by driving 1300 miles to meet a woman in AR. He had met her on line and they had heavily been sexting while he was at work every night. They drove in the truck I had bought to Branson, MO and spent 12 days on our money.
I filed for divorce and when he returned home, he sat himself in our garden shed with his Glock. We wrestled over the gun several times and a couple of times I was certain he was going to shoot both of us. In the end I told him we would work it out. I stayed, because I was afraid he would kill himself if I left.
Little did I know that he was already 1 year into an affair with one of his subordinates.
So, we went, bought new, expensive furniture (all paid for) and paid off all our debt.
That's when he started to show his true face: his mistress started calling him at all hours of the night, he was texting her right in front of me and when I had proof, I moved out. I left the home I had bought and busted my butt for. I left everything.
At 56 I was starting all over, from scratch.
The next day he moved his mistress into our home. She bought her own home last year and rented it lock, stock and barrel. She didn't need anything after all: my house came fully furnished, hell, even the husband was included.
I filed for divorce, but did not finish it after the 61 day waiting period. By then I had gotten very angry.
His words echoed in my ears still: 'I never loved you! I was miserable all 8 years, you lazy fat ass. You and your big nose and ugly toes!"
My heart was and is still broken, but the anger took over.
I contactedhis job and filed a complaint. When his boss didn't do anything about it, I went to corporate. After all, according to my ex, I forced him into a job he didn't want, so I was going to make things right for him.
When his company asked them about their relationship, they denied themselves right out of BOTH jobs. Had they just admitted it, they would simply have put them on different shifts (he was her supervisor). But they kept denying it all the way out the door. What got them fired was the fact that his company had been watching them and had proof.
Anyway, then I got an attorney. I got my house, most of the furniture, 1/2 of his retirment and 1/2 of the stock I had worked into his job.
They had to move out within 1 month.
He is completely banned from his job. She has tried several times to get her job back via her union - no success. He worked there for 7 years, she had 14 in.
Neither of them has been able to find a job in the last 3 months. They can not afford to live in her house, because they can't make the house payment so she needs her renters. So, they are living with his 70 something parents. he is 53, she is 50. 4 Adults and 5 dogs in a 1300 sf house. The house does not belong to his parents, so, if she finds he is not worth it anymore, he still won't have anything.
He can pay his $800/month truck payment with his military retirement. I am thinking that the repo company will show up anytime to get her shiny new 2015 Ford F-150.
Even if they DO find jobs - which I doubt, they will never pull in the $140,000 combined income that they had before.
Meanwhile, I am still struggeling, trying to adjust to less than 1/3 the income I was used to, but I am back in my house, with most of my stuff and I have a roommate who helps pay the bills.
Why am I so angry? He could have left at any time. He didn't have to marry me. I wasn't pregnant, we didn't have kids. He choose to use me for 8 years to get to the top and once he got there, he dumped me like so much trash.
It's like that saying goes: 'I got your @$$ to the top, I can take you back down, too.
So, BEFORE I ever even went to his job to complain he called me a vindictive c..t. I guess they both just found out what one looks like.
In the 2 years before our marriage I worked 2 jobs in order to get us ahead. I bought a house on my credit (his was too bad to even be able to co-sign), got him hired into a major company (I knew someone who got him in) and dragged him to a doctor who put him on Humira to stop his constant pain and slow the deformity of his hands and got him to a dentist to get all of his teeth fixed.
While I was working 2 jobs, he was spending his nights at a female co-workers house. When they were supposed to be working an when her husband was out of town, they would go to her house and live it up.
I know this, because just before he left, he laid all of this on me. We weren't even married during that time....
So, he went to making over $67,000 a year plus hie $17,000 military retirement. A new, bigger, better pickup every year. The one he drives now is a $40,000 turck. He was buying $400 pair of cowboy boots, $200 hats - you get the picture.
Last year he thanked me for everything by driving 1300 miles to meet a woman in AR. He had met her on line and they had heavily been sexting while he was at work every night. They drove in the truck I had bought to Branson, MO and spent 12 days on our money.
I filed for divorce and when he returned home, he sat himself in our garden shed with his Glock. We wrestled over the gun several times and a couple of times I was certain he was going to shoot both of us. In the end I told him we would work it out. I stayed, because I was afraid he would kill himself if I left.
Little did I know that he was already 1 year into an affair with one of his subordinates.
So, we went, bought new, expensive furniture (all paid for) and paid off all our debt.
That's when he started to show his true face: his mistress started calling him at all hours of the night, he was texting her right in front of me and when I had proof, I moved out. I left the home I had bought and busted my butt for. I left everything.
At 56 I was starting all over, from scratch.
The next day he moved his mistress into our home. She bought her own home last year and rented it lock, stock and barrel. She didn't need anything after all: my house came fully furnished, hell, even the husband was included.
I filed for divorce, but did not finish it after the 61 day waiting period. By then I had gotten very angry.
His words echoed in my ears still: 'I never loved you! I was miserable all 8 years, you lazy fat ass. You and your big nose and ugly toes!"
My heart was and is still broken, but the anger took over.
I contactedhis job and filed a complaint. When his boss didn't do anything about it, I went to corporate. After all, according to my ex, I forced him into a job he didn't want, so I was going to make things right for him.
When his company asked them about their relationship, they denied themselves right out of BOTH jobs. Had they just admitted it, they would simply have put them on different shifts (he was her supervisor). But they kept denying it all the way out the door. What got them fired was the fact that his company had been watching them and had proof.
Anyway, then I got an attorney. I got my house, most of the furniture, 1/2 of his retirment and 1/2 of the stock I had worked into his job.
They had to move out within 1 month.
He is completely banned from his job. She has tried several times to get her job back via her union - no success. He worked there for 7 years, she had 14 in.
Neither of them has been able to find a job in the last 3 months. They can not afford to live in her house, because they can't make the house payment so she needs her renters. So, they are living with his 70 something parents. he is 53, she is 50. 4 Adults and 5 dogs in a 1300 sf house. The house does not belong to his parents, so, if she finds he is not worth it anymore, he still won't have anything.
He can pay his $800/month truck payment with his military retirement. I am thinking that the repo company will show up anytime to get her shiny new 2015 Ford F-150.
Even if they DO find jobs - which I doubt, they will never pull in the $140,000 combined income that they had before.
Meanwhile, I am still struggeling, trying to adjust to less than 1/3 the income I was used to, but I am back in my house, with most of my stuff and I have a roommate who helps pay the bills.
Why am I so angry? He could have left at any time. He didn't have to marry me. I wasn't pregnant, we didn't have kids. He choose to use me for 8 years to get to the top and once he got there, he dumped me like so much trash.
It's like that saying goes: 'I got your @$$ to the top, I can take you back down, too.
So, BEFORE I ever even went to his job to complain he called me a vindictive c..t. I guess they both just found out what one looks like.
the lady got used up & played out & shit on, all the while being laughed at
i think she held together pretty well and only got "vindictive" as the comment seems to imply after having shit shoved up her nose
i think aside from compassion for her the only thing to say
is"you go girl"!
There is no happy in any of this! For 8 years this man pretended to be someone that he never was. There was no reason for any of the things he did. Even if I had been the biggest, meanest being - the fact remains that he should have just left!
During the last year I pulled up divorce papers 3 different times. He refused to sign every time. Why?
Last year I checked into a hospital with chest pain. I was scared and called him. I told him where i was. He never came to the hospital and after I called him, I could not get a hold of him again. When I got home, he told me he had turned his phone off.
In December our dog had surgery. I found her dying on the living room floor. He helped me drag her into my car. He knew she wasn't going to be coming home again. He did not go with me to the vet, even though he knew how hard it would hit me. Instead of my husband, my vet and his wife were by my side when I held my dying dog.
The month before that my 13 year old Shih-Tzu had to be put down due to age related issues. My husband used to say that when she went, he'd have to put me down, too. He knew it would kill me when she went. He did not go with me that time either.
He kept telling his mistress that she deserved better than a parttime boyfriend - for 3 years. Why did he not make her his fulltime partner in over 3 years? There was NOTHING holding this man! We had no kids, there was never a reason for him to stay in a marriage he didn't want to be in, never a reason for him to even get married when he was already sleeping around.
Am I happy? I am broken to the deepest level! This isn't something that I am ever going to get past. How do you ever trust again after something like this?
I feel sad for him. He never had anything to show for in life and when he had it all and then some, it wasn't enough or good enough. Now he is back where he was before he met me: homeless, jobless and nothing to show for and at 53 lliving with his 70+ year old parents on their social security.
it breaks my heart for him and his parents.
I guess I question the motivation behind contacting his corporate office regarding this behavior.
And as far as "Why am I so angry? He could have left at any time. He didn't have to marry me. I wasn't pregnant, we didn't have kids. He choose to use me for 8 years to get to the top and once he got there, he dumped me like so much trash."
Honey, YOU could have left him at any time, YOU didn't have to marry him. YOU weren't pregnant. YOU didn't have any kids together. YOU chose to remain in this relationship, even AFTER he revealed his true nature with his sweetie in Branson.
You say "it breaks my heart for him and his parents", now he is back where he was before he met me: homeless, jobless and nothing to show for and at 53 living with his 70+ year old parents on their social security.
It appears that you were the one who put him there.
IMHO, there is an advantage to taking the high road.
I had no idea what he was doing until he told me all of the things he did. He ENJOYED laying it all out for me just before Christmas last year.
I TRUSTED him all of these years, had no idea that he has been cheating on me from the get go.
He told me EVERYTHING he ever did before I left. So, when you sit and tell me I could have left, I DID leave when I found out! Up until last year, I was under the impression we had a perfect marriage. He never complained or let on in any way that he was not happy.
His parents were blindsided, too. They were as shocked as I was. His mom and dad sat for weeks and cried along with me. They, too, thought that we were happy and had a good marriage.
I didn't know any of this was going on until last year and then I was afraid to leave, because I would not have been able to live with myself, had I left and had he actually killed himself.
When I found out about his current mistress, I filed and even then he didn't want to sign! But he did lay it all out for me, told me in detail all of the things he did before and during out marriage, It was only the month before I left him that he felt he needed to bring me to my knees by telling me all the sordid details.
Had I known ANY of that, I would NEVER have married this man!
I hope you are able to move on and find some peace. Hugs!