Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello yall, first thank you for the valuable information you offer. My husband is not a man in touch with his feeling at all. Anger is his stand by and he is good at that. Well, the short of it, he wanted the divorce and of course had the affair (but really they are just friends) ha. I call ther the catalyst whore. Sorry but she was not even divorced herself. Her husband left her and she started with mine. I have been married to an emotinally estranged man for 23 years. Emotional abuse beyond belief, but much of it i have learned is his own lack of being in touch with his inner workings.
Having said that, we were being kind and he was hanging around the house etc., did not seem alot changed. I then started some bounderies as it did not seem right he could come and go from the house (he stays elsewhere), eat my food and do what he wants. However, all this time, almost two years, I put my heart and soul into saving the relationship. He continued to see her. It is very hard to hear, I don't love you, I am not in love with you, and I hate the sound of your voice... and ever be able to repair and go on. However, I have only gotten angry one time. He swears he is not seeing catalyst whore anymore, only at work.
So now, he has gone to all but ignoring my texts, very little to say and will not help with anything at the house, grass etc., he wants to ask me for money for everything.
What is going on?
Boundaries are perfectly fine, even within a happy marriage. Set whatever is important to you. I had to tell stbx to stay out of the bathroom when I'm in there. Sounds simple, right? He disregards it enough that I now lock the door (one bath house, and bath is a short-cut through the house). Also, I moved out of the master years ago, but not fully, meaning my clothes and stuff are still in there. I used to hide it from the kids (they knew, I've come to find). So my room is the spare room, with the computer. I usually keep the door ajar when I'm working in here, but he just busts through. I'm knee deep in forensic accounting work for my divorce, and he should not be sticking his nose in here. I asked him to first knock, then only open the door and enter if I say to do so. He got all bent out of shape at this request. Doesn't respect boundaries because they don't do anything for HIM.
Well, Looking for Closure, I am wanting that as well. I have been listening to a really good book, How to move past your breakup. It is amazing. I think stbx is so confused. I have hired an attorney to get the divorce he wanted. Now he is stalling and slow rolling like he has done most everything in our marriage. I am the mover and shaker and he was my rock. Sometimes as of late tho, I am thinking he was not a rock but rather weak and did not know what to do. To not love someone so long and be able to say the things he said, ... and then while someone is being kind, really pouring their heart and soul into loving you.... well, I could not be so coy, even with a die hard enemy. Just don't have that kind of hate/mean spirit in my. My guilt would eat me alive.
That being said, I really am trying to close the book. It is hard, as my home is one big memory and have two selfish lazy teens here. Ha. STBX has it made. I am left with a 1/2 wild year old lab a yippy poodle, a yard gone wild and the teens. Ah... love it. :))
I am very behind in work, .... so really trying to figure out how to focus and get this all finished. I feel like the sooner my divorce is final the more power I will have to get the home in order and my life moving on. ??
I cry almost every day, but I think its over the good stuff, the years...its not easy. Today I texted him, asked if he was going to move in with Catalyst when the divorce was final... "absolutely not, but its none of your business if I did". I think the rose colored glasses are fogging a bit. Women, we process things along and along... I think men, but the time the fact that they have been hit by a car and in an ambulance, the driver of the hit and run is long gone. What do you think drgnlvr?
Also, I am honestly thinking to just have the attorney get the papers ready, as I am being more than fair, ... and present them. Likely no matter what I say or do he will disagree. I am noticing that it seems he wants to be mean lately. I refuse to be. Very strange, ... someone to say that have not loved you for so long and then be so slow in doing what needs to be done to the point the one you don't love has to do it for you. Pathetic.