Hi all. It's been a little while. Happy to say that I made it through the holidays with my mind still intact lol. So my husband and I have been separated since late October. He's been living with friends of ours since. He has not used the "D" word in a while thankfully but I am still pretty confused on what is going on in his head. So to anyone that has not heard about it yet he left with a quick "i'm not happy. I love you but I am not in love with you" after 16 years of marriage and 2 children.
So the confusion stems from trying to understand where he is going with all of this. He still texts me all the time on all kinds of things...the kids, his job, even to picking out new glasses. He has invited me out 2x now to go do things with him and the kids. To be honest other than the fact that he is not living at home things seem to be as normal as they were before he left.
I have found a great therapist who really does help a lot. I highly advise anyone that has not tried it to find someone. It really does help! I have become accustomed to being by myself with the kids and doing things my way. Even trying some new things. Zumba is a lot of fun! And I have lost some weight, enough to to be noticeable and that made me feel so good about myself! But as much as I am moving forward with my own life I would still like to work things out. I love my husband with everything I have. My therapist says he sounds like he is in the midst of textbook midlife crisis and the best thing I can do is sit back and wait and just take care of myself and the kids. No bridges have been crossed yet that can't be fixed. There has been no cheating or anything like that. I am just having a lot of trouble understanding why the mixed messages. The texts come all the time (not daily) but often enough but also just as quick as he is to text me he is just as quick to cut off the conversation. And the invites to go with him and the kids. Is this a way for him to feel out the relationship and to see if there is anything there? Or is it simply habit?
Any advice? Or is anybody going through something similar?
I am at a better place with my ex and his wife than I have ever been. I can actually have a conversation with him on the phone and keep my cool. When either one of them does something annoying I just do an eyeroll, chalk it up to them being them, and move on with my life. What I'm struggling with is the double identity crisis. Years ago I went to going away party for my mother when she...
This is a link by Darlene Lancer https://www.whatiscodependency.com/trauma-abuse-breakups-divorce-ptsd/#more-13463 about abusive relationships and moving forward.After reading this and speaking to my therapist by phone today, as I progress through the begining of trauma work I'm finding that this article speaks to 'me codependent' to what I hope to achieve Some Day as 'Me, healed of...