Trying so hard to not contact my ex.  We were together for 4.5 years and split in March.  Break up was mutual.  He was dealing with a lot of depression and couldn't be present in our relationship.  The last six months we tried to stay together and he tried to focus on himself.  Didn't work as we were both very unhappy and our needs weren't getting met.  He really felt like he needed to be alone to work through his depression and anxiety (refused to take medication but has been seeing a therapist for almost a year).  We still both love each other, but he can't commit and can't give me any guarentees.  

First few months were terrible, just trying to get used to the new normal.  I was holding on all this time, well until a couple of weeks ago.  I realized that it's almost been a year that I've been unhappy.  A year of putting my needs aside. I love him but I believe we shouldn't be together now, or maybe ever again.  So I made a choice to be happy.  The best way to do that was to really accept that the relationship is over and to work to get over him.

So much eaiser said than done!!  It was brutal, like we were breaking up all over again.  I told him I can't see him for awhile and that I needed space.  I know that I need to do this.  If we are meant to be together, then we'll find a way back, but not now.  And if we don't ever revisit our love, then I am all the better for having moved on.  Problem is I miss him soooo much.  He was not only my love, he was my best friend and I miss him and his company.  There is a huge hole in my life and I'm trying to fill it... but it's so hard.  It's been almost a week since we've last chatted and today, all day I've wanted to text him or message him.  I know I shouldn't but it's sooo hard.  Any advice?  

I've been trying to keep myself busy and focused on other things and spend time with friends, but the desire to reconnect, just to say hello and see how he's doing is so incredibly strong!  help! 

-TM