instead of trying to get over this as soon as possible, just let time pass and be patient with yourself. you have been in a long term relationship so it will take sometime getting adjust to changes. think of it as a habit you have formed over long term period and now you are trying to shake it off. things that you used to do, people you used to see, places you used to go to will change and you need to give yourself time to adjust to that change. even your ex partner will be anxious and worry about the uncertainty ahead as he too was in a long term relationship with you where he is used to everything and everyone involved (everything familiar) and now he will also be in somewhat unfamiliar territory. Its natural, especially after being in such long term relationship, you are anxious and pessimistic about the future due to big sudden changes but once you get used to the differences (changed surrounding environment etc..) and your mind realise its still safe and peaceful (it will be more so as there won't be any more arguments/disagreement etc...), you will start to focus on your own life and think about what to do with more spare resources around (more time, energy, attention to yourself).
its natural to be afraid of uncertainty, the unknown but its not totally new for you as you probably been alone some point in your life (before marriage) so you just need to remember.
your needs/wants, your goal/project you wanted to achieve, the independent life you lead.

I'm in the process of ending my 13 year relationship and 10 years of marriage too. Two infidelities on his part and not too much remorse on his part either. Only that hurts a lot. I get you, totally, the uncertainty kills you, it is mortifying. However, 10 days is a very short time for you to start thinking about the future. It has taken me 10 months (and feels like yesterday) to realize it is over and to start feeling comfortable about being without him. The smallest things are gone, and that hurts, no tuxt messages, no jokes, no calls... it hurts.
At the same time, from your post I can tell it was some kind of a mutual decision. That has to give you relief that you did what you thought possible to save you and still did not work. I did not get that, I was just confronted with my new reality over night, literally, one night he went to bed and the next he was gone (emotionally) and gave me the 'its all you, not me" crap.
So, be patient with your self, take care of you, go out for walks, get in touch with nature. I have been doing a lot of meditation and spiritual stuff. My faith in God is stronger that ever... Find something you can rely on when the worst of the day brings you down. Take a hobby back, exercise (I'm doing that). rekindle friendships. Get busy. I promise you it does get better and very soon you will start making more sense of your life. It hurts but it will not kill you, it will only teach you what you are really made off.
Are there kids from this marriage?

Thank you both. Your words are encouraging and appreciated. Yes we have a 16 year old daughter who is away at school, and trying to deal on her own away from her family, which is very difficult. I want to make it better for her but I can't :-( I know all this takes time. It feels like it has been such a long time coming, but I just want to be through it and move on, and I guess that isn't possible. I have to take the time to get through it.

I can totally relate to you and how you feel about ending a long term marriage. My husband walked out on me in February 2016 and moved out of state for the second time with his side whore. I was a faithful wife to him, never cheated on him, worked everyday to be the best wife I could be. He constantly lied about everything, was unfaithful and very emotionally abusive. His favorite saying was " a lie ain't shit for a nigga to tell". PLEASE EXCUSE THE LANGUAGE but I have to write the way that he spoke to get the message across. He lied about his children, he lied about owning a home and so many other things. He would get mad at me and leave and disappear for days if I didn't do what he wanted me to do, such as put a jaquzzi in the yard for him , or take money off of the equity in my home, not his, mine. Thankfully I have a pre-nump to protect my home and my assets. He had the nerves to always threaten me with divorce as if I was the one being deceitful in the marriage. I decided to go back to church in 2014, and he threatened to divorce me because I joined church and didn't talk to him about it. He told me" that he didn't want a saved wife". I told him that I was lonely in the marriage because he was busy running the streets and never had time for me, so I felt going back to church was the best thing that I could do. Now that he's been gone over a year and a half and supposedly his whore has left him, he wants me to let him come back home. Again this is his second time walking out on me..... I'm so broken and devastated behind his verbal and emotional abuse but there is a part of me that still loves him. Through all of the bad, there were some good qualities about him, but I'm so afraid that he hasn't changed. He has apologized for his disrespectful behavior and for his infidelity but it scares me to think about letting him back in my life for fear of him repeating his behavior. I say all of this to let you know that you're not alone in how you feel. After a year and a half, I'm not over this and I'm scared about my future and the possibility of me ever being able to trust and love again.

Your story is so much like mine. I am having a terrible time. I hurt like I never have before. I am so afraid. I am so missing the little phone calls to ask if I need anything from the store. I was surprised with the divorce a little over a week ago. Thank goodness for my job, that is the only time I can get my mind off it. This sucks. I don't wanna go through the process, just want it over so the pain is gone.

Deeplybroken I am so sorry you are going through all of that. It sounds just terrible. But I guess we have to have hope don't we? I totally get what you mean about being scared for the future. I already had trust issues, and I am sure this will make everything much worse.
Db2 I can relate to the job thing, I have two and they keep me busy through the week. It is much more difficult on the weekends, and in the night time. And yes. The pain.....

I feel for you. We have been married over 17 years now. I have no more energy to put up a fight and simply ignoring or bypassing situation. There are times I want to call it quits. But I have no support, no siblings around.

Pls take care of yourself. It is hard and you will miss his companionship and the better side of him. But the step you took was needed for your self worth, dignity and a better tomorrow. Pls find ways to do things you haven't been able to do all along. Visit a library event, they usually have something interesting. or read a good book. I hope you find yourself again soon. Hugs

I totally get what you are going through. My husband walked out on me after I found out about his affair 6 weeks ago. It is the worst pain ever. I too worry about my future, he has stolen the future I thought I had. He has walked away from a 30 year marriage to do exactly what he wants and has tossed me aside. I cant imagine a time when it will be better but everyone tells me it will improve. If you would find it useful to message me, feel free. Thinking of you.