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Trying to deal with myself...hard to be alone

willgetoverit
willgetoverit

Hi everyone I'm new here


A year ago I find out my husband of 22 years was cheating and promising marriage to another woman while married to me. When I faced him he denied everything and then when he couldn't denied it anymore he just blame it all on me, he cheated on me because I didn't treat him the way he wanted I didn't did this or that etc. 


he ask me to forgave him but accept that it was my fault he did what he did and still he keeps blaming me for what he did. I gave him a chance and we went to counseling but didn't admit the whole truth and that woman called me and told me he was still with her and I couldn't believed her so I ask her to prove it, he was looking for her and she sent me a bunch of devastating voicemail of him begging her not to leave him. I still have a couple of those voicemails. It was painful to listen to them.


i forgave him for what he did but I can trust him anymore, the trust is completely broken so even though he wants us to try I can't I just can't trust him anymore.  So yesterday I talked to my kids and told them after a year of suffering I have decided to go thru to the divorce because I don't see any hope since he is blaming me for what he did.


my kids are out in college so I'm facing complete loneliness and it's hard I don't know how to live without my family but I think I'm force to learn.


someone in my situation that have overcome loneliness please tell me how I should deal with this.


thanks

mirandac
mirandac
Getting a divorce and getting thru all the grief is
more than enough to worry about right now.

It all takes time to get comfortable in your in Own
skin and get to know yourself all over again and Find
the new you.

Go to therapy and join a divorce care group they Both
will help you a lot to move thru all the grief, rejection,
Hurt and pain. You can burden friends and family so
Post on here often too, it helps.

This can be a long journey even if things were bad It
does not matter that can make it worse. More bad and
more uncomfortable feelings and emotions to process.

Grief is like riding an emotional rollercoaster it comes
And goes. I cried for the first four months after he left
And it took me 18 months post divorce to detach. HUGS
willgetoverit
willgetoverit
Thanks Mirandac I will look into joining divorce care it seams like something that may help,
jojored
jojored
Last year I dealt with my oldest going off to college and a long and drawn out divorce. It was a double whammy, for sure. It will get easier, especially if you see that your kids are doing ok. It's just time now to rebuild yourself, focus on keeping yourself healthy emotionally and physically. Accept the loneliness when it hits, and consider if the loneliness is more of a response to missing what could have/should have been rather than how you feel living without your cheating lying stbx. Look inside yourself and try to make you the best version of you that you can. Also, work toward creating new memories and traditions with your kids, when they do come back from college (I assume they do in the summers, and for winter holidays?). I didn't die during and after divorce, no one does. I like to think I gained a lot of self awareness and a lot of knowledge about relationships in general. You can try counseling, reading, listening to CDs, exercising, hobbies. Whatever you need to do to feel at peace with yourself. Being on the other side, I wonder why I waited so long.

BTW, a big "YAY" to you for not accepting the blame for HIS actions.
ripped_my_heartout
ripped_my_heartout
So sorry you are going through this. Cheaters have a habit of trying to blame others for their actions. His cheating will never be your fault. It was his decision. Putting the blame on you makes him feel better and justified for doing so. He will never accept responsibility. Toxic relationship.

I too was put through hell and we split after 22 years after her multiple affairs. I was blamed for everything. I have one kid in college and one in highschool. I'm currently in the process of divorce. It's a rough ride and it is hard on the kids.

Hire a lawyer. It's the first thing I did. If he's blaming you for his affair, who knows what he'll try to blame you for next. Therapy, counseling and a divorce group. They will help deal with the pain and hurt, and help guide you through. There is no timetable to healing. I'm at the stage where I'm dealing with the loneliness. It's hard for sure but I just try to keep myself busy and keep my mind focused on my kids.
Stay strong
-HUGS-