I have been married for almost 24 years to the same person and been separated for a little over a year. My story is long but I need to get this out of my heart so I can begin to heal.

It all started when I was 17 and so very much in love. He was 18 and the absolute love of my life. We were so happy! people used to tell us how sick it made them to be around us. my husband worked hard and provided for us. He worked 2 jobs at times. We didn’t have much time together but we made it work. One day i noticed a change in him and i began to wonder. So I started to investigate and found out he was talking to girls from work. He started coming home late and not calling. I never had real proof (mind you this was before text and even cell phones). Then i started to get proof and he would beg me to forgive him and I would. But it never really ended and the doubt was already there.

After our kids were born he worked lots and I stayed home raising the kids. I always had side jobs but made sure the kids came with me. He tries to say that i never worked, but i never worked harder than when they were little.

There was one friend that started to become too close to my husband and so I backed off but it was too late. They had a bond that I could never break through. He swore they weren’t cheating. Maybe at the time they weren’t but eventually they did and it lasted years. I turned a blind eye thinking I could win him back.

After about 6 years I decided it was time to pack the kids and move away from both of them. Our on and off marriage was not a good example for my kids and it was killing me. I told him not to follow and that I would never keep the kids from him. after a month he convinced me he had changed and moved with me.

I have kicked myself ever since. That was 3 years ago. During the time we were together in our new town he was contacting my ex friend even sent her xmas presents (exact same things he got me). I eventually found out and finally had enough. I asked him to move out and that was last Sept. I have moved to a different town, got a rental on my own, a new job, and trying to put my life back together.

I have boyfriend and who knows what will come of that. There are lots of wholes in this story but that’s the short version. I have so much pain and hate for my husband that it isn’t healthy. I don’t know how to move on or past the hurt and abuse I suffered so many years. I am trying an online support group because in need support. I am tired of crying and feeling like I failed somehow. It is affecting my everyday life. I feel the hate and rage deep inside and I know that’s not good. We are now in the process of finalizing our divorce and that will help some but he hasn’t felt half the pain i have.

Thanks for listening!