I've been asking myself all the same questions in my breakup so you're not alone. You definitely deserve better and it's good you're willing to accept what he's been doing. That gives you a clear direction of what you need to do. I'm sorry! Best of luck!

You might have to give up on the idea of understanding the whys. You and he do not think the same about relationships at all, so there's no way you could easily understand or accept why he cheated and used you. A quick and easy answer is that he wasn't capable of a committed caring relationship (even if he said he was). Not good BF/husband/father material. Stay strong for when he comes crawling back. You don't need him anymore, or his BS.

Thank you! I really want to let it go and just move forward now that I know the truth, I just love and miss him so much. Some how his life became my life and his friends became my friends and I now I don't have anybody, especially no one that understands what I've been dealing with for years. I should have listened to my psychiatrist last year when I was seeing her and stayed away from him. I don't understand why I'm so weak when it comes to him..just sad, confused, scared, lonely, depressed and miserable right now. I completely discarded who I was and now I just feel empty and dead inside all over again. How can someone that hurts me continuously be the one person that keeps me smiling and happy..one day at a time I guess, this has been going on for too long and I'm really just tired and ready to give up. I feel like my life is over

I understand your need to be with him. My spouse admitted to bring with another and said they will continue to be friends no matter how I feel so I left him just to lay alone and sad wishing him back and justifying his wrong doing because of my own weakness. Thinking of ways to get him back. Why do we want these types of people in our lives? These people that drain us if true happiness. Stay strong as I will be trying to.

I know exactly how you feel.... if you need someone to talk to one on one, then feel free to message me if that's an option.... I'm new here so I'm still learning.
I have an ex that I loved soooo much. I was the perfect definition of a "ride or die" type of girl. I stepped up and became a stepmom and dad to his little boy because my ex was always out cheating with multiple women. His son and I were left alone so much and we developed an unbelievable bond. He lives with his mom, but still wanted to call me mom. That's how close we were. When I caught a girl in the closet, I lost it and he choked me, showed me a weapon, and threatened to kill me. I still didn't leave. My love was too deep. Instead, I supported him even harder. Everyone but him saw how amazing I was. Even his best friends have taken my side over him and still make sure I'm ok. The night before my birthday, he was on his way home from a roadtrip with one of his women he was cheating on me with. I text him and she text me back. For him to let her have his phone when I wasnt allowed to touch it, was the cherry on top. She had no clue he was in a relationship and living with me. When she text back, I packed all of my stuff and left that night. I left all of my furniture and everything. I just took clothes and a few other things. It was so hard and I still have feelings for him.... I check on him every now and then and he has a friend that I only met once that is a go between for us and she is always reaching out to remind me of how amazing I am and how stupid he is. I gave up my home, slept in a car one cold night so he could cheat and took abuse from him....but I still was his backbone when he fell apart for 4 months and to this day, he won't deny that.
I say all of this because I want you to know that when I say I understand, I understand....and it will be easier for you to believe me when I say that it does get better. It will hurt. That underlying love for my ex is still there. No one understands and I don't know how to explain it. It doesn't go away as fast as we want it to, but it fades a little over time....
What helps me out is when I start reminiscing about the good times that we had and the family nights we had with his son, I start bawling my eyes out.....then I force myself to remember the cheating, the night he choked me and drug me to another room and threw me to the ground because he got caught, threatening my life, sleeping in my car while he and another girl slept in my bed, andhim throwing a laptop at me...... and I remember that I'm better off. These type of relationships/breakups are sweet and sour. Just remember that that it's natural to second guess leaving but you are much better off. The pain you feel right now is no different than the grieving process after the death of a loved one.... there are steps and the process doesn't happen over night....but it happens. Hugs, girlie!!! You can get through this!

Thank you so much..it's so hard and unexplainable what I've been going through. This last year I have been back and forth with trying to get away from him to I can't live without him. My moods are so hot and cold and my anxiety and depression are at an all time high. I keep hearing his voice in my head saying "You will always be mine, even if you try to move to another state I will find you. You'll do anything I tell you and if no matter where you are if I need you, you will always come" The way he would stare me in my eyes for long periods at a time as he spoke would be so intense...I'm sorry for talking so much I could go on for days..I'm really thinking about doing a disappearing act just so he can't find me even though he always do..smh

I could feel your pain coming through as I read this. We have all been there. Why was I not enough? He is not the same man I have been with-what happened? Read the book- Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life. It helped me understand what is going on and why I have to leave.

@stayingpositive Thank you, I just started reading Psychopath Free and I'm in tears because this book is describing him to a T!! I had all the signs and warnings and I stayed trying to figure out what was wrong with me..smh

I may read that book as I am starting to think my husband has there tendencies as well as being a narcissist. If you read these books and all the signs are there, I think you need to let him go and start to heal. This journey sucks. You may take him back out of desperation- just know that once you become tired, numb, and broken emotionally, you will start to let him go. I am reaching that point now and I cry less and sleeping better. I am becoming digusted with the person I am now seeing and I count the days until his ass is out of this house for good. This is not you-this is HIM 100%. You have a big heart and deserve someone who is devoted to you and can give love like you can. He clearly is broken and incapable of giving true love.

Precious friend,
I am so sorry you are hurting this way. It can be so hard, when you love someone and you want to believe him. You want to trust him, but he keeps hurting you with lies. There is a book which I think can give you some eye-opening understanding and help, so that you can move forward. It is by a professional couples’ counselor named Christina Dalpiaz. It is called How to Depolarize Your Jerk Magnet. You can get it from Amazon. She shares some invaluable advice. One of the exercises she advises is for you to write out your entire situation, all the ways he has used you, lied to you, abused you, etc. and when you write it out, substitute your best friend’s name in place of your own. If your best friend came to you and told you that the man she cared for did each of those things, what would you think about him? What would you think about her? What would you advise her to do?
Precious girl, you deserve so much more than this. You deserve respect. You deserve to be loved by someone who is committed to you and you alone. I cannot help but wonder how you see yourself on a scale from 1 to 10. From what you share here and what you have allowed this man to do, I am concerned that you might not rate your value and worth very high. Dalpiaz points out that if we see ourselves as a 3 out of 10, then that is the kind of guy we will attract. Unconsciously, we will go for someone who is about the same level as we see ourselves, because we don’t believe we deserve better.
There are a couple of counselors, Les and Leslie Parrot, who teach a class on relationships. They make ever student memorize the following statement: “If you attempt to build intimacy with another person, before you have done the hard work of becoming a whole and healthy person, every relationship will be an attempt to complete the wholeness that you lack and will end in disaster.”
Sweetheart, until you get a healthy view of yourself and your worth and value, you are going to be destined to have unhealthy relationships. I wish you could see how incredibly valuable you are. You have so much to offer, but you need to internalize that truth in your heart.
I am so proud of you for taking such a positive step forward by realizing that you deserve better and moving forward; Do not look back. Do not question why you weren’t enough. The question you should be asking yourself is why you thought someone who lies, who cheats, who treats you with such disrespect was enough for you.
There’s another book which I really hope you will get. It is eye-opening and revolutionary about the way to find love and a lasting relationship. It is by Chip Ingram and is called Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships. Sweetheart, I really hope you will get both of these books, that you will highlight meaningful passages and take notes on both of them. It is so important that you get to the point where you truly recognize on a heart level your own worth and value, before you try to get into another relationship. I hope this helps.

Thank you all for your continued support and advice. At this point I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. I finally slept five hours straight and that's a great step for me.

@KaleidoscopePictures Thank you for all your kind words and I will look into ordering both of those books!

Let me know if u need someone to talk to very good at giving advice

@Poe1975 Thank you for being a listening ear! It's hard trying to just completely erase someone you love so much from your heart especially when their the only person you talk to, but in time I guess it'll get easier to move forward with my life..