Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Trip Through H---!

cwalla
cwalla
I know I have already addressed the age issue, but one thing I have found difficult is that all posts (and everything I have read regarding divorce) advise that "this is the time to grow", "learn about yourself", "figure out who you are and what you want". I truly understand how important this could be, especially if you are young or even middle age and have many . However, being 57 and having been through a good part of my life (and I know anyone who is around this age probably knows what I mean), I am not sure this is so useful. Does anyone else feel the same way? Maybe if I was in 20's, 30's,40's. I don't mean that I know everything, just that when I remarried at the age of 52 to whom I thought was God sent, my soul mate, I think I pretty much knew what I wanted and still do. Hope that makes sense.

To everyone who addresses my posts: thank you, thank you, you all have been so helpful. The wisdom I have heard from all of you doesn't come close to psychotherapy. I believe you HAVE to go through this to understand it. If anyone asked me the things I have been posting, I would never have totally understood where they are coming from. You all have been a blessing! I hope I can one day provide other people in this situation some valuable information and make their "trip through h---" a little bit easier.....
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm 43. I've known my ex since 1986, we were both 19. Our oldest daughter is 22. We have had 8 kids. One passed away almost 2 years ago when she was only 3.
I don't feel like I can start over. I don't feel like I have any growing or changing I can do. I feel too old to change. I feel too old to find someone new. I have never even been on a date. The ex lived next to me when we were in our teens.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've felt the same way. I am 49. Been married for 32 years and husband tossed me out. Moved the ow in right away. ugh!
But I have been reading all this about growing, finding yourself. And I thought, "if i don't know myself by now...well come on"
I do know myself. Very well. And that's the part I don't get. For me anyway.
I can grow some more. Yes. But I do already know myself.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am 47 , I thought my ex was the "forever" realtionship for me. 6 years later,she left and i haven't seen her in 6 months. So yeah, I understand. I hate thought of growing old alone. I have no children,,but I do not have the energy or the inclination to want to be in another relationship. I am learning to be "me " again,,,but it is still lonesome sometimes.
lycesq
lycesq
cwalla - as I said before, I'm 60. What getting rid of my ex did for me was make me realize I no longer had to live with his abuse and yes, that opened up my world. I'm a strong woman, a professional woman, but I got trapped in the same nightmare so many others have.

I've put the relationship behind me and started looking at myself. It was a novel experience after years of tip-toeing around my ex and thinking first of him.

I discovered a better person than I thought and that means the world to me.

Hugs.

Lynne
deleted_user
deleted_user
at 56, i know what you mean. at this point, i pretty much know myself and my place in the world. i am happy as punch just getting out and watching others having fun. just being a part of it all.

for me, i just don't have time to sulk about this forever. if they don't want to be with us, then, so be it. there are others who will.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i am sorry you are having a difficult time- please know we are all here for you. sending you ((hugs)).
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow, I am haivng so much fun growing and learning, even when I hit the super-low spots, like I am this weekend. And I am plenty old. My concern is that I won't have enough time to learn and do everything I want to or need to. I can't even imagine not growing and learning at this point in my life, after most of the trip from hell is behind me, I am learning the most amazing things now and don't think I could have learned them when I was younger and hadn't experienced the kind of pain and loss I felt at the end of my miserable marriage.. I truly cannot even wrap my mind around thinking that I have grown or learned enough, and I will almost certainly be saying that until I draw my last breath - the world and my life are too amazing to me to ever be subject to me knowing it all, not by a long shot. Wow, as down in the dumps as I am, and I am really really down this weekend, I find life and the world to be incredibly intriguing and awesome and so full of things I haven't even thought about knowing yet, and that includes knowing me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am 55 and have spent 41 yrs. of my life with my ex husband and my present ex. They say there is always room to grow which even at our age I believe. I have discovered certain things like I will not allow anyone to verbally, emotionally, abuse me. I do not know what I want yet as this break-up is only 4 months for me. I do know I want someone in my life as a companion but probably does not include marriage. I want to go south where it is warm when my daughters are out of college even if it is alone. I am me, still always learning but at my age I am who I am accept me or not. I will not change for someone nor do I want someone to change for me. My happiness I realize is something I am responsible for and only me.At our age we can still learn and grow but pretty much should know who we are but noy necessarily know what we want.