I can kind of relate to you. I met a man back in 2015, moved 12 hours away to be with him because he said he loved me so much and wanted me in his life. I won’t go into all the specifics but he hurt me so bad. He messed my head up so so much. We ended back in June and I am trying so hard to recover and move on with my life but it’s so hard to. I still live in the area he brought me to and I know only the people I work with. It’s not easy to just up and move again. My heart is so torn apart and my head is so so messed up.

I say trust your gut. It's not fair to continue giving love to a man who does not give it back. Now that you are stronger, find a way out and move on. You deserve true happiness and I don't think it's something you can condition into another person. You are not an old faithful pair of blue jeans to be washed and worn over and over. You're a woman who deserves consideration and love.

I am sorry you find yourself in this place. We want to love and trust and you did that for a long time, only to find out that trust was misplaced. Good for you, though, for realizing the state of things and for setting out for uncharted territories. Time to begin again, even if you new life does not resemble the old. Sometimes the best thing is just around the corner. You should be cherished. If your relationship doesn’t feel like that to you, it’s time to find the person who will treasure you just for who you are. Never forget that. You are worth it. Best wishes.

Dear Beth,

I’m sorry to read about your unfortunate situation, but you are not alone. I believe you must now focus on your future. In my life, I’ve changed my perception of the word obstacles and replaced it with the word opportunities that was needed to make me a better person. You will survive this area of brokenness, and it will become your area of strength. Always remember that you are a quality individual with wonderful attributes. Stay positive and true to yourself and remember, All Things Are Possible.

Best,
W

I agree with Gutted.

From personal exp experience, if there is no actual future with this person or a future you want, staying with someone that claims to love you wont work out. Most likely hes wanting to keep you around because of his fear of being alone or being unloveable.

Thats what happened to me and first girl that showed interest in him, he dropped me like a ton of bricks even after 12 years of being loyal to him.

It took me awhile to realize if ur not wanting the same future, it isn't fair relationship.

Have you sat down and spoken with him about wanting to separate your lives? If he truly has any love, or even compassion for you, *perhaps* he will work amicably toward disentangling the business. If you're not up to 100% strength after your stroke, you may need someone else in your corner to help you through this.

Kudos to you for taking steps toward removing yourself from a sucky relationship. I was married for over 30 years to a guy who I don't think ever really loved me, and I feel so much freer now after being divorced for 8 months. I didn't think I had the emotional strength to leave, but I was really losing my soul being in that marriage. It was sink or swim time and I learned to swim. :)

Thank you all for the kind, heart-felt replies. I know what I need to do, but jojored makes a valid point in that I'm not exactly up to 100% full strength after the stroke....and I do need someone in my corner, but there is no one available who can help as much as I need. I'll have to keep working hard toward this new future for myself.....by myself. Friends can help me move, but I have no viable place to move to that I don't create for myself, and since I've been unemployed due to my stroke, I have little to no money right now. I do have my own business and it has real potential to be lucrative, but I started this before my stroke, and JUST this summer have been able to work toward getting things back on track. It's going to take time, when I want out of this relationship YESTERDAY. I've been too stupid, and way too trusting of this man to include me in his life.....in what I thought was going to be OUR life,...and then I've been too forgiving for his treatment of me, and of our love life. How he just so easily throws things away is beyond me. And I KNOW it's not due to him cheating. I can attest to that with absolute certainty. He's extremely busy with the farm, and never goes anywhere. I think he may watch porn a lot, but ....as tasteless as that may be, and it is imo,......it's still not cheating. It's just disgusting. lol. I know I'm leaving him. I can't forgive the slights. and the heartache he's caused me. I want to be in love, not just to be tolerated. So, this is the year I'm going to bust my ass, and get things together so I can go and start my life over. The hardest part at this point besides getting it together so I have money again is the fact that I'll have to leave my pets behind. Not everyone will understand how that can hurt....but they're more than just dogs to me. They're family. I just have to hope that I can get it together enough to bring them to live with me eventually. They won't be in any better shape here than I was if I leave them with him. :-(

Anyway. I just thought I'd touch base, and say that things aren't any worse. I'm SAFE. Just not as happy as I can be. But that's going to change.

Thank you all again for your support. <3

I get the whole "get out yesterday thing" but reality is that money often times decides when we can go. I had to divorce someone who dragged his feet the whole time and cost us each an insane amount of money. I couldn't even imagine when the divorce would be over - some people alluded to a multi-year divorce (battle). It would have helped me so much if I had a D date in mind to work toward, but there wasn't one. I just had to keep plugging along, living away from him in our house, hoping that things would be over soon. My ex truly is a dick head, he showed apathy to me and our marriage for years (really since the beginning). I gave up on the marriage in the spring of 2015 and divorced in the spring of 2017. Those two years are thankfully receding into my memory.


There will be a D date for you too, maybe it's closer than you think, maybe it's so much further away than you want. Just keep planning and working on your business. These are the mud filled trenches of battle you're mired in, but you'll get out eventually. Don't give up, keep your spirits up!


Sorry about your dogs, I'm a cat person and the thought of giving him some of the cats really hurt. Thankfully he didn't want any of them, he doesn't even have it in him to attend to the needs of a damn cat. Maybe you have someone else who can care for your dogs till you're ready to take them? It's really best IMO to remove all ties to your stbx, and keeping the dogs there will keep a tie in place.