I am so sorry to hear your story. It sounds so fast paced. I can imagine how that feels. I thought it took six months and 1 day before it is official. My stbxw and I are going to settlement paperwork soon as she already filed. I kind of hope it goes like yours did. If I wouldn't have read what happened to you I would have no idea that was even possible. People still care about you and what happens in your day. I am thinking of you and wishing you the best and to get past this point in your life. Keep writing here if you need support there are great folks around. You can always message me if you would like someone to listen who cares and will root for you.

I am also sorry to hear you're storey. I was never married 20 yes but I had been in a long term relationship with someone for years and went thru the exact same situation before. And I thought that was devastating so I can't imagine 20 years... But I can say this too u ...cause I did the same thing he left and came back and I found the text and I kicked the guy to the curb at the time .He most likely won't come running back to u now or no more being u filed and went thru the divorce ,I know that sounds devastating . But u just cant expect that now plus he knows youre onto his shit!!!!

But here's the thing in the long run its really not so devastating guess why? He may run back to that other women but guess what? If he doesn't have U too run too on her he will find even another to run too on her anyhow!!! Just be thankful its not u he's playing as a fool no more! U Do Deserve so much better !!! And I believe u will find better!

So don't think he went to live his perfect little fairytale without u because he didn't people like that never change!!! It will take a lot of time for u too heal but when u do u will be so much better off without that nonsense that u don't deserve in you're life!

Big hug hang in there!!!! I know its easier said then done but u will get thru this in time!!!! And you're in the right place this is a very helpful site in times like these!!!

And Id also like to add he will find his self kicked to the curb again but next time by her I bet ya!!! Because his shit wont just stop with u.... he won't change with her either believe that !!!! If anything it will eat at him and he may even resent her more just looking at her knowing his 20 year marriage all ended because of his text to her ..... See kinda where I'm going here? So hold you're head up high and say better her then me and that u deserve so much better ! Because u do !!!!

I feel awful about what has happened to you! You have every right to feel awful!!! Our identities are shaken when we divorce (I have been married 27 years and I'm still not divorced yet). Someone said recently that it's never really over, it's just something we become accostumed to. Please find a good therapist, start taking meds (all things I do, by the way) and you will see that slowly, you will get better. But yes, what an awful shock to feel. I too worry about the day I get my divorce decree in the mail. But the truth is that we start "divorcing" way before we are actually divorced. Please feel free to "friend" me here and we can share more in a more private way. Wishing you only the best!

Are you sure you are divorced or just legally separated? How about splitting up assets and if you have kids, parenting time.
If you are divorced, that is really fast and I am sorry. Think of it this way as pulling a band-aid, do you want slow and painful, or fast, the pain lasts only a moment.
Stay strong and rest assured that you did the right thing.

Thanks everyone - I appreciate not feeling alone in this. I'm definitely divorced. There are no children, no division of assets - he's just walking away from everything including the house. I already have the signed and notarized Quit Claim deed. Apparently my 90 day waiting period began on the original date of separation which was 8/3. I did not realize that and although yes, ripping it off like a band-aid may have been the best way to go, I just wasn't emotionally or mentally prepared. Now I'm emotionally exhausted. Thank you all again.

I'm so sorry about your loss.

I left a cheater as well and it was surprising to me how fast it was to dissolve 27 years of marriage. We visited our mediator for the first time in November 2013, had our day in court on January 31, 2014 and the whole thing was final 90 days later. Just. Like. That.

It's been hard but definitely worth it. Cheaters are so predictable, unoriginal and they drag us down. This will make you free to find true happiness, whatever that might be. I have to believe it for you because that's what I hope for me as well.

Sending support. We are all here for you.
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Honey I feel your pain....I too was married 20 years....our divorce was pretty fast (not as fast as yours but still fast) ...I moved out of the house on 2/6/2012 (just 6 days before our 19th anniversary) and our divorce was final 5/30/2012 (the day after my birthday).....he had cheated on me..texting several women.....physically with a so called friend of mine....and a month after I moved a out a different so called friend had moved in.....to say I don't trust anyone easily these days is an understatement .....but I still have my days (a lot right now w/ the holidays and broken dreams now that we are to be grandparents) where I miss him and cry a lot.....

I agree that you should seek counseling and meds...I went to 2 different counselors but I found that I wasn't telling them everything...so I am going to start a different therapy after the holidays and going to open up about everything...sending you lots of positive thoughts and hugs sweetie...

I am sorry you are going throughthis and yes it is devastating but u will survive! My husband of 17 years just decided he doesn't love me anymore and started by moving out and now we are proceeding with a divorce. Not what I wanted but he refuses any type of counseling and we have a 15&16 year olds. I don't understand how someone can just walk away from that and be like oh well. Hang in there!!!

Sounds just like my ex

A year of separation after 181/2 years together and waiting to get our divorce

It hurts so bad when we are the ones whos connection and love is genuine and the other seems to feel nothing

The pain does become less vicious...but I believe stays with us forever

hey jinx46- what an awful time you are having. i've just been dropped from the aircraft of matrimony onto the shores of impending divorce by my wife of 10 years.
i turns out she hasn't exactly been faithful. the reasons she has given for her behaviour are 'wanting to find herself'. odd that- look in a mirror and there you are!
i love her dearly despite all this- and would forgive her too. but the past 5 years have been a quiet but noticeable war.
i'll ask you about how your day was.
i don't feel particularly loved at the moment- my son loves me and i love him just as much- but the love that i am missing is a million miles from the nearest point of light.
i think the only way to tackle this is to cope with each thing as it happens. i tried to make a plan the other night- but it didn't work out!
take care