Well today. Was a really tough day at first i got up made coffee took a shower and left the house. Down to the bank oulled out money. Then down to the store to buy a vase roses and choclate. I already had a card with a few notes in it. Off to see my seperated wife and my two kids. 

It was when i arrived to hang out for a few hours. That something hit me. Hodling my son in my arms i started to feel sad looking at my wife. My love i have for her is alot. I started to cry and so did she. I told a friend befor i saw them my one wish i could have is to have my family back togther. 

Well we started talking alot about all are problems from the past. Talking about my action and her actions etc. I told her how i feel and how ive been makeong the changes for the better person i choose i want to be. We actually talked about a fight we had a long time ago and we bothed shared a really good laugh. Ahe told me she loved me. But was very truthful that jm not in love with you. Over the years not showing her any passion or being the loveing husband i needed to be had pushed the passion away. 

I def can not blame her from what she feels how bad she is hurt. There is still hope for are future we still dont know if getting back togther is right or not. So we still have this seoeration to see how things play out. There no rules which i understand can sometimes hurt people more for the future. Im not saying we are out whoring around etc. We want to see if are souls are actually right for one another. Not juat going back in it for the comfort level. I really love her very very much. 

I told her that i wont give up. My heart and soul know what i want. I also want tmher to know im listening to her and all here fears and concerns that my action have showed her over the years. So we both realky want to take are time not rush back in so fast. Make sure its right. I know it will be but im not to sure it could still lead in divorce but there def is still hope. I do belive that this will make us stronger in the end. I do belive were not going to get a divorce. 

Ive been reading alot of marriage books and going to counsling alot and actually thinking things alot diffrently and ive been makeing really good cahnges in my swlf i feel great about it. I def know my changes can help in my marriage make it atronger and better. I deal with alot if demons in my self but to hell with giveing up that not me anymore im not taking the easy way out. Not no more ima fight fight fight till i cant fight no more:) feeling hopeful