Sorry you're going through this. Time will help. Stop looking at his FB. It's just upsetting. He's in the honeymoon period. It's the period following a major life change when everything is euphoric. The reality of his situation will set in. Not saying that he will come back, but he won't always be freaking thrilled. Small consolation, I know.

I am in the same situation. It’s so hard to understand how someone can shut off those feelings so easily. I too alternate between hurt and anger, however it seems to be mostly confusion. I feel your pain and wish I had words of wisdom and comfort. Everyone says it gets better so I’m just holding on to the hope that this too shall pass

Thank you both. At this point it wouldn't matter if he wanted to come back. I know we're better off without him in our lives. It just bothers me that I don't know why.

I lean on a book called the power if letting go by melodie beaty. It gives daily steps to letting go with a focus in self development

[ I THINK I HAVE A CLUE. . .]

If a woman really wants too, it's much easier for her to keep her man happy in a relationship. Men are very simple creatures when it comes to relationships. I have known man/husbands who really wanted to keep their wives happy and put up all the effort, but still couldn't.

A woman can be unhappy in a relationship and both her and husband don't know exactly why,

When the husband is unhappy both know why e.g wife continually rejecting his sexual advances.

From your post, it sounds as if he was a good husband, 'was my rock when I lost people close to me.'

Your pain isn't of a woman losing a man who was bad to her, nor a man you only loved, but a man who u believed loved u back

Men don't stay for 11yrs with a woman they don't love ( more so if she already has kids )

Did your husband feel appreciated, loved and respected. Did he feel wanted ( not just needed ) : loved as an individual not just for the role he played, provisioning, paying bills and raising kids, providing support and security

Your husband has awakened to the role he played in your se'x'ual strategy : you married him becoz he was a 'beta provider' but not your 'alpha fu'cker' : unlike the father of your 15 yr old, who was genuinely arousing and attractive to you 'although not loyal and reliable'.

Yo husband wasn't genuinely arousing and attractive to you, he was safe, loyal,caring,reliable, ' he will be a good father to my son' etc and that's why you married him : and now he knows.
Men don’t mind fulfilling those roles, but they don’t want a woman to want him only for those roles. The same way women don’t mind giving sex to a man, but doesn’t want to be loved only for the sex.

Either way, your husband knows something you think he doesn't. It could be anything, e.g. if you cheated, or gave the illusion of doing so. Did you say or text, something hurtful that you think he wouldn't know about, but now he does.

" we're better off without him in our lives" not really, your son is not better off without a father figure in his life (research & statistics), of cause if the man now wants a divorce, there isn't much we can do.

I don’t (didn’t) have an answe to “why”’either. And it DOES eat at me too! I’m sure I will never KNOW , but it doesn’t really matter. It is what it is.
The Language of Letting Go is really a good book and I read it often. I recommend it! I understand your pain. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I’m here if you need to talk and vent. It’s hard to talk to my friends because unless this is something you’ve experienced then you don’t really understand. My friends have all been married 20 plus years. They sympathize, but really don’t understand.