Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So confused and mixed feelings all at once!!!!!! Haven't seen my SO in over 2 months, have texted a few times but he haven't expressed any feelings on wanting to see me. I went out on a date yesterday and when I was getting ready to go I was just crying thinking about him, how much I wanted it to be him and not somebody else. When I was driving all that was in my mind was him. I had a good time and he seems like a good guy but I'm just not ready, my hopes of reconciling is breaking apart little by little. I thought by dating I was going to take control of my life, that I was going to feel better but it didn't work out. It just convinced me that I need to be alone, that I need to stop loving him, that my hope needs to died for me to be able to think about been with somebody else. Right now I just need a friends to hang out without me worrying about him getting on my pants or the pressure to wanting a relationship.
I'm not waiting for him to come back but I was in between wanting to date to forget, to move forward and just been alone but I think I answered my own questions - I'm not ready :(
I'm not waiting for him to come back but I was in between wanting to date to forget, to move forward and just been alone but I think I answered my own questions - I'm not ready :(
I am not sure how long you were in that relationship ( I was in mine for 10+ years) but just give yourself lots of time to heal and process if your heart does not feel ready.
My counselor asked me if I had every "tried" to be single. And I told him no, why would I WANT to be single. He suggested that I give myself a goal, like 6 weeks and just NOT seek out any relationships, don't pass up if a opportunity arises but not to SEEK it out.
Next, he told me to think about what I would want someone to love about me. He saw my ex husband and I and I was really sad at my STBX's response when the counselor asked him to list three things he loved about me.
But then he asked me what I wanted to hear and I didn't have an answer. So know what you have to offer, list a few things, that if you asked someone why they like/love you what you would want to hear.
Lastly, work on a list, a list of traits, skills, talents, etc that you want in a new partner. Things you MUST have and things you are willing to compromise. And don't be afraid of not continuing to see someone that does not meet the things of that list. Do not settle.
I think you said the most important thing is getting involved with friends, and such to get out and do things with without the pressure. I personally found a single group that hosts dances every Sunday night, I went over a month ago and realized that everyone was a good 10-15 years older...but I LOVE it! Just good time with others dancing, fun, non "dirty" dancing, and fellowship. I found it on Meet-up, maybe look into that because it has a theme groups near you that you might find interesting :)
As far as dating I totally understand....I tried it once a a actually started crying when the guy came to my place!! lol. Hell, I wasn't ready and I told him that. I'm still not ready and probably won't be for a while. It's hard taking time to be alone when you are hurting, but it is necessary. Hugs.
Hugs to you.