I'm not one that reaches out for help either, and have felt much like you the few times I have. I think many of us feel that way because what we need and what others think we need to hear or have are almost certainly always two different things.

Not everyone knows what to say or when to say it. It doesn't mean they arent listening, or they don't care, even tho we may feel that way because of their response.It could be thats just all they know to do. I dont know you personally, so you may be someone who always looks strong from the outside, so people feel you can take care of what you need to, how you need to. They only way they will know is if you let them know you just can't and need them.

Again, not everyone is going to be able to be that support for you, but if you keep reaching out, letting others around you know that you need support, you may find there are those who can and will be there for you.

Hi fruitpi, I'm so sorry your going through this. I know your tired of hearing all those things because I felt the same way, but more than likely their right.
People that haven't ever been through this experience just cant understand the intense pain that you feel. At times I feel that people are tired of hearing about the drama in my life but that's where this group comes in. everyone on here is experiencing similar situations, so trust me your not alone.
Take care and continue to write out your feelings!

@OP.....you said this "And I'm tired of having to ask. I'm tired of it being assumed I can manage this on my own. I'm asking for help because I can't."

I mean seriously..what are you a kid that needs their parents? What is it that you are tired of doing alone..raise kids, feed yourself, go to the movies/restaurant/vacation/hobbies?

This is not the sort of thing we want to be teaching our kids, that they can't be self sufficient, and have to depend on others. Where is your pride and confidence?

You project this to the world that you are desperate, and certain people will take advantage of you, and you will continue to get hurt.

Deltone: I think what is meant, and I am only speaking for how I felt/feel when in this situation. Where people think I am this strong person that can hand;e anything. Cus I don't let most know I am upset or hurt by how they treat me.,

But there are times where I wish others would realize I am not Superman, that I just need someone to listen or recognize I need more then just a one line saying.

I'm many years past my divorce.

What I've learned is that the people that said that sort of stuff to me, weren't really my friends. My life IS better, in part because those people aren't part of my life any longer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnmFPFQd9CI

@deltone My problem is that I do take care of myself on a very practical level. I still get out of bed, do the groceries, pay the bills, brush my hair. And because of that my friends and family think I'm strong and that there is nothing else to do.

I've lost my companion, my best friend, my primary source of emotional support. And on top of day to day things that made those important, I'm going through a painful breakup and need them that much more.

What we don't teach our kids well is to be vulnerable and get over their pride to ask for help or how to be compassionate when someone asks for it.

I recognize part of the problem is that I don't ask strongly enough. The other problem is that so few people are equipped to respond.

I know what you mean fruitpi. Everyone I know says" you're so strong, you'll get through this" when ther are times I fell like crumpling into a ball and disappearing. I need to vent to trusted friends who may have heard it all before, yet will listen again anyway because they know that is what I need. I have found that not everyone can be that kind of support for a variety of reasons, but I have a found a few people that can pull me through my dark times. I hope you can find a friend like that and if not, this site is awesome for support and validation of what you are going through.

Boy, do I ever hear you.

I heard a lot of the same things and some of my conclusions are:

- people want to believe that you are doing SO well because it makes them feel better. People aren't really comfortable with the idea that life can just blow up in your face. They want happy endings.

- sometimes they don't know what to say. They want to be comforting so they mouth platitudes 'cause they think that saying, "This is just bloody awful. It sucks. It completely and totally sucks" is making a bad situation worse (and it isn't!)

I don't know if this helps or not but one of the reasons why I had such a hard time asking for help was because my husband, the one that I knew and loved and trusted, dumped me so unceremoniously, which made me feel like yesterday's trash. When you're feeling like that, it is pretty damned hard to say, "I'm falling apart; I need help." How could I trust anyone to be there for me when the person I trusted more than anyone turned out to be unreliable? I felt (and sometimes still feel) like a burden.

I was lucky in having a couple of people that I could be really blunt with. I said to them, "I need help, but what I need is for you to just listen. Don't offer any solutions or comforting words, no matter how well-intentioned. Just tell me that you love me, and that you will stick with me even when I get boring."

I just wanted to say, Fruit, that this really, really sucks and that you're not alone. And I'll keep listening, even when you can't stand yourself anymore.

Take care.

I am sorry for all your pain.
You are right...It is awful

And not fair