Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Really tired of the emotional roller coaster. I know it is part of the process and has been like this since my stbx started this 7 months ago. For the first 6 months I was just pretty much down. Then when I realized she didn't want to save the marriage I tried to get stronger and feel better about the situation (easier said then done). Now I have been feeling stronger and accepting what is happening but I find myself swinging from down to up to strong to anxious to scared and everything in between. We are separating at beginning of year and telling kids after holidays. That is going to be the big wall to bash through...telling the kids. I know it's going to be like this for a while, but really looking forward to when I can get off this ride.
Many hugs...
There was no fighting / cheating or anything like that...she had a toddler daughter when we met (sole custody), and I went from a single man to instant husband and stepdad. A lot for anyone to take on, and add to this I wasn't allowed to have a say in discipline, but she was OK for me to provide and put a roof over everyone's head.
You can either focus on what is important (your kids) and be the best father there is, or let yourself be bugged down by the peripheral nonsense. In those 8 months, I slept in the smallest room in the house (the office) of my own 4 bedroom house. I wasn't going to leave the house and lose custody of our son, it would have been what the ex wanted.
It paid off in the end and I got my 50-50 shared custody. I also do a lot more than my ex does for our son, as well as pay child support which I have no control over what the ex does with it. She tried to come after me for alimony, but I did everything in my power to make sure am not left with that burden, and it worked out great for me.
The thing is, one person needs to drive the process. If you leave it and hope for it to resolve itself, the process will drag out for years, and cost you emotionally and financially. I was the applicant and did most of my documentation and filing myself through research.
I am being honest with myself when I say moving forward, sex alone is not going to do it for me, and have learned a lot from my marriage. The prerequisites are as follows:
1. mutual respect
2. sincerity
3. post secondary education
4. a career...simply doing odd jobs is not good enough
5. nobody with multiple kids, don't want to go there again
6. is over there ex
7. has shared custody of their child, if it applies
8. doesn't expect me to look after them like a kid
etc