Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Spikkels 03/06/2018

How much longer does this take? One day I feel so much better nd the next it feels as if everything collapsed again. I just don't know who to talk to anymore. I have a strong support system from my parents but I feel that after 2 months it must be irritating for especially my mom to hear the same old story, she says it doesn't but I feel bad. I had to go to the doctor today because I have trouble getting enough sleep because of experiencing anxiety, The doctor gave me some anti-anxiety stuff for the next 2 weeks to break the cycle. Afterwards my mom goes into this discussion about how I should stay single for the next 2 years because I apparently tend to date with a all or nothing mindset. I don't have a problem getting constructive critism, but I just feel my story isn't normal I was shocked about how it all panned out. I don't like feeling this way and her words make me feel like it's partially my fault that I'm struggling. I know she tries to help. I guess it makes me feel more stressed and scared because I still sometimes feel like this. It makes me feel like I'm processing this too slowly. I try to think differently but doesn't seem to work...I do lots of stuff to keep busy but it doesn't take it away, so what is going on? I'm usually a very happy and positive person so this makes me feel hopeless and just tired of it all.

Ivedoneitagain 03/06/2018

I understand what you're talking about and I'm also getting the same constructive criticism from my mother..Every break up has its "grief" period and its duration is not the same for every person and each relationship..I still feel angry with my last ex and it's been almost a year since we broke up. That happens I guess when you have unrisolved issues with someone. I understand that mothers want to help and they really suffer twice as we do, when they see us so sad, but I feel also that I am really vulnerable to receive her criticism. I think that the fact that you are hurt and that you're feeling helpless right now doesn't have to do with you being positive in general in your life. Even the most positive person can be brought down by a break up, especially a difficult one. There's nothing you can do now, as my therapist once said to me: "just take your pain in your arms and keep walking". Life goes on, either we want it or not. So don't fight the pain, experience it, while continue living your every day life and you will see that step by step you will go forward. You're not alone in that, we're all or have been hurt; that's a thought that comforts me sometimes. :)

Arianwen 03/06/2018

Hi Spikkels. Sorry about your situation but it sounds like you and Doneitagain may be in a position to support each other.

You mentioned "all or nothing mindset" - does that apply to other areas of your life as well? Do things tend to be wrong/right, black/white etc?

Your mum's perspective is her reality, her truth, just as your perspective is your reality, so you're both right. Try and see that in trying to help you, you will have to see shades of grey, but it's not about twisting the 'truth', it's just about perspective. Try reframing the scenario so that you see something different.

I'vedoneitagain - I love your counselor's advice about taking your pain in your arms and walking with it, not fighting it. All of the emotions we feel are legitimate and real and valid, including our pain. I am learning to just acknowledge that my pain is there, and it has every right to be, but I don't try to fight it; instead, I embrace it and try to move forward.

Ivedoneitagain 03/07/2018

Arianwen I totally agree; this advice has also helped me a lot to go through tough times ..

Spikkels 03/19/2018

Thank you for both of your comments. I do appreciate it and I agree Ivedonneitagain your therapists advice is actually really beautifully and well put. I tend to have a mindset of all or nothing I guess it's not always a good thing but I try where I can to change it or venture out of my comfort zone.
I thank you for your support. I really feel it does help especially since one day everything feels like wow I'm healed and the next I feel like I'm not so healed anymore.
I guess I will just have to take my pain an walk with it day by day and as time passes I will have moved on.

Katya12 03/20/2018

Hi there, so sorry you are in this difficult situation. Truthfully, 2 months is a very short time to grieve a broken relationship. Everyone is different but it also depends on the length and depth of your time together. It can take many months, even years to get through. Your mom sounds supportive but it's her little girl that has been hurt and she's going to react like a protective mom. That's all she can see. She doesn't want you to get hurt again.
Have you thought about some counseling outside of your parents? Do you have a pastor or friend that can bring comfort as well as mentor you? Take care of yourself in this season. Don't put any expectations on time and just let yourself heal for as long as it takes for you. It's ok. You will heal, and you will come out on the other side a stronger, wiser woman. Please take care. I will say a prayer for you.

Spikkels 03/23/2018

Thank you Katya12 I really appreciate your care and understanding and well wishes. I do understand my mom's point of view as well, and that seeing me hurt also hurts her. I have luckily been blessed with 2 other ladies I will talk to if I feel something is eating away at me.
I appreciate your prayer as well.

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