There are many humans that are capable of giving equal to what you have to give. It sounds like you have not allowed yourself to really heal but that's not a sign of weakness. It sounds like you were blind sided by your wife leaving the marriage and I'm sure rightfully so. That takes a lot of time to heal from but a big part of it is the will to recover and move on to live the best life you can live. If you're having a hard time getting there, maybe consider therapy. I was discarded by my bf recently so I know the feeling. The breakup hurt more than I can ever say and I immediately sought therapy. I knew I had to tap into all resources available to me. I refuse to let the sad ending with this man who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with to break my spirit and hope. I'm now starting over at age 42 and although I'm not bright and shiny either, I've been working out, eating healthy and trying to look and feel my best. You are still young and there's so much life left to live. I hope you are able to heal and see the wealth of happiness and possibilities out there. Hugs xx

Hugs to you. I can relate a lot to what you said. I wish there were more answers, more resolutions. Sorry that you are going through this.

17 years married and my ex just walked away like it was no big deal. That was over two years ago. When it first happened, I was devastated. Now I realize that he did me a favor. Yes it is scary starting over again at 50, single, try to navigate this nonsense called on-line dating.

I am sorry you are suffering right now. I hope you will find your bearings. 49 is not old anymore. Work on yourself, heal yourself. If you haven't looked into counseling, I would recommend it. It helped me immensely.

If you need a friend, always here

Hi Steven,
I am really sorry for what you are going through. You are not a weak person, and you are not too sensitive. This will crush anyone who has gone what you went through.

People do this because we are all flawed and sometimes we find partners who are faithful to the end, but others times we end up with people who change and because of selfish desires, they only choose what they think is good for them. There are more people like these today than generations ago because of the moral teachings that are no longer there. We see it in movies, tv shows, books and other things. Slogans such as what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,etc. Story lines in sit coms and movies always portray how great it is to have an affair yet they don’t show the wreck it leaves on the broken families and the cheated spouse.

The important thing here is that you stayed faithful and your kids will know and appreciate that when they grow up. And when you meet someone else you can keep your head up high that you are a faithful person. When you say “Why can't I just throw her away like she did to me and grab another person to use up for awhile,” this is what is breaking up families all around us. The lack of commitment, sexual desire and selfishness has something to do with it. Do not repay in kind because you will just regret it.

Like already mentioned, do get counseling because it will take time to heal. You can also seek help in churches where pastors are trained to help someone like you get over pain of the infidelity. Churches have bad reputations today because of the way they are wrongly portrayed by the media but they do a lot of great service, like the churches in my town who have professional counselors who volunteer time to give free counseling.

I was left after 32 years married, 39 years together. Out of the blue. This was almost 4 years ago, and I’m still depleted. Sometime want to die. But I have my family, the one HE didn’t want, left behind. He didn’t even have a woman to go to, just took retirement money and left, only to live homeless for a year , then on disability. Low life. Never could have imagined this. But I’m better now, mostly due to my family, my kids, and my new grandson. I’m the lucky one, he is a lost soul.

Hi, my second husband left me after 7 years of marriage, that was 4 years ago. I am in a pretty good place now but it's been hell getting here. I'd like to think he did me a favor but that thought isn't fully engrained in my heart yet, someday it will be tho.

I am now 57 and starting over again just wears me out sometimes. BUT the pain and emotion of trying to save a marriage is a distant memory now and I'm thankful to be on this side of things.

Hang in there, it does get better so be patient with your thoughts and emotions, this journey we find our selves on truly is a day to day battle!!! Life is a beautiful journey regardless of what it throws at us!

Some good advice and sympathy.Thank you everyone for your kindness.I really don't have too many people to discuss my feelings with. I've been to counseling as a child and as an adult for depression. Never got much out of it.I'm considering finding a divorce group to speak with in person. Any thoughts?

I joined a group in my area, here is the link to check it out:

https://www.divorcecare.org

it was helpful to me and so I do recommend it. My group was small and I would have preferred a larger group but the videos and booklet they provide was helpful to me, especially during the early stages.

Mine did it after 14 years of marriage and 18 years together. She went on a dating website, picked a guy and started having sex with him. Eight months later we were divorced. I am 47.

You cannot continue to love someone that does not love you. That is all I can say. She is likely having an affair and betrayed you. Sorry.

Soon, you will be in the confusing phase. She will blame you and you will think it is your fault. You will continue to love her and try to make it work.

Treat yourself well. Accept the feelings. You will hurt. Know it is only temporary. Seek friends, family and community for help. Focus on work, or get a job if you don't have one. Move out. And reduce contact, or if you can, end contact with her.

Sorry. Focus on what you can do to make you happy.

Thanks for your response Andy.You're exactly right.I'm working on myself trying to find good people to spend time with. I'm a thinker and a worrier so the hardest thing for me is to stay occupied and not rehash every little thing from the past.

Steven I am so sorry you are going through this. My journey into the "single life" has just begun. Next month would be 14 years we were married. We actually lived in separate homes most of that time, basically like we were more dating than married. I thought it was just the "blended" family causing issues - all our kids didn't get along, and he and I had very different "parenting" styles. But after all this time I realized he has never really gotten over his one true love - himself. You should never have to feel guilty or bad for "giving" everything you can in a relationship - it's what you are supposed to do. Unfortunately, your "significant other" may not always see the glory that is you. I know it hurts - but we have to see ourselves for the beautiful messes we are, and know that we deserve better. Prayers for you!