Last night I talked to may wife again. I asked to think about an idea I had. This idea was not for begging, not a reprieve, and not to delay our separation/divorce. I told her we are together for 22 years married 19 years, that is a long time. I asked her to think about us working on us for three month. Not like we have been but to absolutely commit to each other for those three months. It will be hard, no doubt. We will need to be completely open and honest with each other. We will need to talk and communicate, as we never had done before. We need to listen and respect each other ideas and hurts. We need to figure out why there is such an emotional barrier between us. Why is it she cannot let down that emotional wall (she has admitted she has not been able to do this)?


Am asking for three more months so we can be absolutely sure we will be doing the right thing. I told her I would not be asking this if I know there was nothing left between us. Right now she can not say I Love You. I asked a couple of days ago When I kiss you, when I hug you do you feel anything towards me she said yes. This is why I know there is something left. Its like an ember left in the fireplace, the flame is gone but given the right fuel a flame will begin to burn and a fire will erupt.


I want to know I did everything I could to rekindle this marriage. Im asking for three more month out of almost 23 years together. She said she will need to think about it. I said I understand. She has to make sure she could commit as Im asking for, for the next three months. At the end of these three months if she cannot look at me and say I Love You to me we stop and end it. No more delays no more chances. This would be an absolute end date for us. After that, we would start our divorce. I asked for an answer by the end of the year. If she does not want to try, it is over; neither of us can keep going on like this.


I have been just an emotional wreck the last few days. When I think about it, the grief is overwhelming. The thought of losing the person I love, my friend, my confidant. I can tell her anything, so much of this I cannot understand. It is feeling of grief, loss, fear, loneliness, abandonment, worthlessness, and the terrifying thoughts of not seeing my kids everyday.