Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
One of my sorority sister's from college just lost her husband and father-in-law in a plane crash. She was very close with four or five ladies in the house and they immediately flew to Texas as soon as they heard the news. Others who are not as close organized ways to help her from thousands of miles away. It is incredibly touching to see all these women, who only keep in touch through Facebook, come together to support someone during a heartbreaking tragedy. I have literally cried because I'm so touched by the love and support people are showing her. I'm so thankful to know such amazing women.
The situation has really weighed on me. A couple of days before the crash she posted a pic on Facebook of her husband walking their kids to their first day of kindergarten and 2nd grade. A few days later he was gone. I feel so bad and can't stop thinking about it.
This afternoon I got to thinking about how my husband's affair was a tragedy to me. It's nothing like losing a spouse in a plane crash but it's a personal tragedy. In a way it's similar because we've both lost our husbands. Sometimes I think it would be easier if my hubby would have died just because I wouldn't wonder what he's doing, who he's with, or if he'll ever come back.
It would have been nice to have that type of love and support from people when I found out my husband was cheating. I lost the love of my life unexpectedly too and although he's still alive, it's like he's dead because he's no longer in my life. I had no say in the situation. It happened to me. I didn't want to lose him. I went through the tragedy alone. I had a few friends call and text me to make sure I was OK but no one brought me food or flowers or sent cards with supportive messages. No one even came to see me (except parents). Not even my sister. I didn't broadcast it on Facebook and most people don't know what happened but it's just interesting to think about how we as a society handle similar circumstances so differently. Even if I had broadcast it on Facebook, nothing would have been different. No one would have organized a mass card mailing or meal schedule. It's just something I've been thinking about. Has anyone else ever thought about this?
Keep my friend and her family in your prayers. I can only imagine the pain she is dealing with right now. Thank you.
The situation has really weighed on me. A couple of days before the crash she posted a pic on Facebook of her husband walking their kids to their first day of kindergarten and 2nd grade. A few days later he was gone. I feel so bad and can't stop thinking about it.
This afternoon I got to thinking about how my husband's affair was a tragedy to me. It's nothing like losing a spouse in a plane crash but it's a personal tragedy. In a way it's similar because we've both lost our husbands. Sometimes I think it would be easier if my hubby would have died just because I wouldn't wonder what he's doing, who he's with, or if he'll ever come back.
It would have been nice to have that type of love and support from people when I found out my husband was cheating. I lost the love of my life unexpectedly too and although he's still alive, it's like he's dead because he's no longer in my life. I had no say in the situation. It happened to me. I didn't want to lose him. I went through the tragedy alone. I had a few friends call and text me to make sure I was OK but no one brought me food or flowers or sent cards with supportive messages. No one even came to see me (except parents). Not even my sister. I didn't broadcast it on Facebook and most people don't know what happened but it's just interesting to think about how we as a society handle similar circumstances so differently. Even if I had broadcast it on Facebook, nothing would have been different. No one would have organized a mass card mailing or meal schedule. It's just something I've been thinking about. Has anyone else ever thought about this?
Keep my friend and her family in your prayers. I can only imagine the pain she is dealing with right now. Thank you.
The best advice I can give is to be the person that you wish that other's were. Bring food, send flowers, or perhaps just cards and phone calls.
Your kids still do have a father. I know it's not the same. I grieved the loss of my marriage and life that I thought that I'd have too.
That said, it's a comfort to me knowing that if the worst happened to me, my kids would still have a parent to live with. It really is an irreplaceable relationship.
Divorce is horrible when you have kids so I'm thankful I don't have to deal with that but at the same time I often wish I had kids because I'm so lonely. It might be a little easier to get through this if I had kids to focus on. At least I'd be a little less lonely. On the other hand I'd hate to have to share my kids with my ex and not get to see them all the time. That's got to be so tough. Divorce stinks no matter what. Thanks again.
I feel that divorce, an unwanted divorce is harder then a death of a spouse as they did not willingly leave their spouses, their families. In my case, mine just up and left, left me high and dry. He lives close and I could run into him on any given day. That sucks. Dont get me wrong, death can be a tragic thing but you eventually come to terms with the fact they are gone, not going to come back and I believe they are in a happier place and that they will be reunited with their loved ones again. To me, that would help me get through it. Where as divorce, it's just done, forever. We're left alone. Usually there are no casseroles, no drop ins from concerned neighbors but I think it's because they don't know what to say, they don't get that it's ok for them to come grieve with us, to tell us how sorry they are for the loss of our spouse, our marriage. In my case it was a huge loss and is taking me a long time to get through it. I would have rather he died and know he still loved me then have to live with knowing he didn't love me to stay, I don't wish him dead, I really do want him to be happy AND alive but wish it were with me.......
Gosh, sorry for the gloom, don't mean to detract from the post. I will pray for this family, it's very sad when death comes to such a young family.
Maybe, when things settle down, you will find an opportunity to enlighten them about the similarities between death and divorce.
Some say that divorce is like a death except that the person is still around to remind you. I would like to add that unless people have gone thru a divorce, as much as they try to sympathize, they really have no clue as to just how much of a death divorce really is. I thought I was being a good friend supporting those who were in process of divorce. It wasn't until during/after my divorce that I realized that no one can know unless they've been thru it.
Many of the losses that go along w/death also accompany divorce. Plus there is the stigma of being "divorced" as opposed to being a widow(er). Sad but true. Plus, when a friend divorces, it just may trigger their own fears/insecurities around there own marriages. So, then they run like hell away from the friendship. That's why I think it's important to educate people, especially our friends.
I'd like to add to what patti said about being the person you wish others were. Please be that person to YOU! I'm not saying don't be that person for others. I'm saying be that person to YOU FIRST, then to others. Using the airplane oxygen mask analogy, if you try to put the mask on someone else first, you both are more than likely gonna die.
Take good care of you by practicing extreme self care.
Eat well. Get plenty of sleep. Take a walk. Enjoy hobbies. Sing. Dance. Journal. Volunteer. Make new friends. Join a book club. Get out there and get back into the dating scene.
Those are all the typical things people say. I agree w/all of them except the last one. Don't get out there and date until you have gone thru the grieving and healing process. That means honoring your feelings w/o judgment as they come up, even if they repeat themselves. Allow yourself as much time and space as you need.
Grief isn't linear and neither is healing. And it doesn't happen quickly. The longer we were married, the longer it will take. It might help to join a grief group and see a grief counselor for a little while so that you can have a place where you feel safe to express your feelings and get validation.
Take good care of you....
~healing hugs~