Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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basnime 12/27/2016

I brought a lot of dysfunction to my marriage. I was verbally abusive and wanted my spouse to conform to my ideal. He then went on to lie and cheat and eventually leave. I blame him because he left but we were equally destructive. I have very low self esteem and I second guess everything. I'm constantly looking for approval and validation. This seperation is devastating and embarrassing and has placed all my worst fears on front street. At least this time I'm wiser and older. I can see that it's not always somebody else's fault. It takes two to destroy a marriage. Maybe one day my spouse will see how we both contributed. Until then, we live in purgatory.

SassyGrace 12/27/2016

I have also done a lot of reflecting and introspection.

I'm very aware of the mistakes, the times I handled things poorly and/or in a childish manner.

I very much would have liked to have owned up to my shortcomings and admitted my mistakes.

By choosing to lie and attempt to rob me blind he deprived us both of the opportunity to do that.

We both made mistakes.

Still, I will write a letter confessing what I know I need to own in order to display the character I know I possess but failed to display to him. He will never read it.

But I feel compelled to be honest.

onedayatatimeforme 12/27/2016

We all make mistakes is what matters is if we learn to correct them and not make the same mistake again. My thought is not every marriage takes 2 to destroy it but it does take 2 to keep it, good for you for taking notice in what you think/feel your issues are that you brought into the marriage , this is a healing process for you and him. As long as you are honest with yourself and true to yourself that is what matters. best wishes

basnime 12/27/2016

I believe it is part of the healing process and empowering not to be a victim. It took a long time for me to get here. I've had some bad habits for a long time. Honesty at this point is a must. I've also learned NOT to fall I love with someone's potential. We had very very diffferent views and values. So in terms of our spirituality it was only skin deep. He didn't believe in owning a home either. We never ever had joint bank accounts. Maybe other people have different views but after 15 years I thought we would have been closer. There was something there that I couldn't trust. I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it was me?? Reflection is good.

SassyGrace 12/27/2016

I do know that I never, ever, ever in a million years meant for either one of us to suffer harm of any kind.

I entered that marriage with an open heart just wanting to have a good life.

As you say, it took two of us to participate in the dysfunction

basnime 12/27/2016

I agree I would not wish this pain on my worst enemy. It is indeed awful. I entered marriage thinking that it would be forever. I admit however I was not respectful when things got tough. I will not take the blame for all of this. There was verbal and emotional abuse on both parts. Darn it, I wish we weren't here.

Koko 12/27/2016

I am right there with you. My husband will say I was verbally abusive since I criticized everything. And yes I threatened divorce out of passion. But he also was emotionally abusive by just blocking me out and stonewalling me. The more he withdrew the more I lashed out because I wanted to be heard. So yes it takes two and I will not take all the blame regardless of what he says.

basnime 12/27/2016

Yes lots of blocking, stonewalling and over working. He knew how to draw me in with lots of affection but he would leave me hanging. This is a nightmare. I'm sitting here with an electric blanket having another panic attack. I meet with a lawyer tomorrow and I'm so nervous. I have my babies birth certificate and my precious marriage license.... is this how it really goes?

Koko 12/28/2016

Basnime we deserve better than this. The more I think about it the more I think I was in this relationship alone. I really was the only one who cared and tried while he just tolerated me to my face, obviously resenting me the whole time. I now realize that it is better to be by myself than be in a marriage alone. I have tough days taking care of 2 kids - especially taking them to the store and they runoff. Those are the times I miss my Stbx but that really could be anyone. Maybe he was just my nanny...

Koko 12/28/2016

Good luck today with the lawyer and keep us updated!

basnime 12/28/2016

Amcole yes now that lawyer is in place I will let him worry and focus on my children. I have two boys 13 and 10 watching this whole thing unfold. What message does this send to them as fathers one day? Thank you for your prayers. They are appreciated.

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