Men and women do see things differently and both have the capacity to disregard a significant other for their own selfish needs. God is there for us if we include him in our lives thru prayer and to thank him for the blessings we still have in our lives. I am still working on getting better at living this way. He can help you fix yourself by gaining strength and clarity. He won't leave us. Hugs

There are people that believe In committment and
working on things and are Emotionally mature grownups.

There are many W/M that are not that way, if they are
not Happy they just go on down the road doesnt matter
If there are children or not.

Their needs are not being met and they do not want to
argue or fix themselves Or be mature and work on the
relationship. Its more fun to start all over again. HUGS

every person changed many times over the course of a lifetime.

I don't think you can boil it down to a gender-based truism.

But some people's idea of what their spouse is capable of doesn't always line up with reality..

Men and women have different views towards life. We women have the tendency to keep as the center of attention. Total focus, do everything for them, and then expect him to do things in return. Things don't work that way as men are not wired to think like women. They are more focused and happy to be in their own cave. So most important is no expectations, more focus on improving yourself and not changing others. I learnt it the hard way. Just a suggestion that could be helpful for u in the long run.

I don't think you can boil it down strictly to gender either but I'll agree if you have to generalize you'll more than likely be right. I'm a guy who doesn't fit the mold. While I'm very guy-like at first glance those that get to know me see me very open, willing to adapt to anything...even change if needed with the right reasons and I"m pretty darned open about my feelings with my GF or wife. We're all different...

Just to be clear, the quote was not my own. However, it did trigger my thought. Men and women do handle emotions and relationships differently. Not saying that either one is right or wrong. Its just crazy how 2 people in the same situation can be in 2 very different places. Its easy to "man bash" when, most times, what I have been exposed to has been the man acting out. But I am very aware that women act out too. Like I said, my heart is with the broken hearted - men and women the same. Although its not my current situation, what I don't empathize with are those who do wrong repeatedly and then want to cry about it when the other person has let go for their own sanity and emotional health. Yes, "Love covers a multitude of sin." But love shouldnt be anyones doormat. Again, just a thought. Thank you all for your comments. Hugs!

I agree and believe God made us that way on purpose.

Just for a point of reference I am a man. I often said that if an intelligent life form discovered earth one of the first things they would do is find a cure for the side effects of testosterone.

I actually have no male friends (or female now that I think of it) because I could never get on board with "puttin the ole lady down" or bragging about sexual conquests. I did have a best friend (male) but he died a few years ago. While we were life long friends he was no different. Cheated on his wife etc.etc.

"what I don't empathize with are those who do wrong repeatedly and then want to cry about it when the other person has let go for their own sanity and emotional health". Yes, "Love covers a multitude of sin." But love shouldn't be anyone's doormat.


This statement sparked something within me. I didn't leave the relationship. He's choosing to leave, partially; for now. I don't believe, I was that bad of a person. I requested for help around the house, him picking up behind himself, working with me as a team; instead of against me, effective communication, and standing up as a man when needed. He refuse to meet my needs I felt I needed from a relationship within a partner or soul mate.

Funny thing - He collect disability, while I work outside the home. I still had to maintain and manage the house. Logically, I feel I'm not missing anything; let him walk. Realistically, I gave 17 years to this man and 21 years with him in total. I always took care of him emotionally, he was really never there for me mentally or spiritually. He provided and met my needs sexually. However, he never matured to understand the importance to meet me emotionally and spiritually.

I ultimately started feeling cheated. I changed. I started taking steps to care for myself; which means me meeting him at his needs all the time subdued. Looks like we're headed to divorce, now. Is it fair game to think he used me for his needs and I never got what he was doing it until now.

My prayers everyday, is for God to heal me mentally and emotionally, because when someone abuse and abandoned you in those areas. It leaves a psychological damage in the mental I can't explain.

You're right-all the time...all the damage does add up and for all of us it affects us mentally to some degree. That's why it's important to seek some kind of counseling to help you sort things out (heck, I feel like I'm one of the most self-sufficient people on the planet but I knew I needed some help and the good folks on this site kind of helped push me along to do it too). Once you can sort through your thoughts better, things will start to fall into place and you can start looking toward the future.

I too love falicia's post: "what I don't empathize with are those who do wrong repeatedly and then want to cry about it when the other person has let go for their own sanity and emotional health". Repeated behavior can be labeled a lot of things but "mistake" is not one of them.

I too was going to reference the same quote feliciaw382 and stardust 7 did: "what I don't empathize with are those who do wrong repeatedly and then want to cry about it when the other person has let go for their own sanity and emotional health". This describes me to a tee. I let go because I was going insane, lonely beyond belief, totally emotionally betrayed, for decades. It was easier to accept that life when I kept it boxed up and buried, but once I unearthed that box, there was no continuing to live like that. Now, he repeatedly calls me the "bad guy" because I'm ending things. He doesn't accept ANY responsibility for his total 30 year lack of communication and portrays himself as the poor abandoned suffering victim. Women can do that too, I've seen it plenty of times. Both genders can be lacking in the communication and maturity department.

What I really believe, and I think I'm in the minority here, is that people don't change who they are at their core. I'm still the same person, my values are consistent with what they always were. At my core, I felt emotionally deprived by my husband. I've been strong in other areas of my life, and I just recently was able to pull that strength out and use it to address my emotional needs. He, on the other hand, hasn't changed either. His core is still the same, which is to say emotionally immature. He has not found the will or strength to change behaviors. Your core is one thing, I think it stays the same over a lifetime. Your behaviors are the things than can change and should change over a lifetime, to address all the the inevitable changes in a person's life.

I agree I am happy in my cave... all be it a corner of a bedroom or the garage.

But I'll cook, vacuum, wash carpets etc without prompting, as I would if I lived alone... some people live in mess as they are slobs, or they know someone else will so it.

Just dont tidy the cave :-)