Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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dmc1966 09/26/2015

to recap. 23 year marriage ended a year ago. I have no regrets about it ending - not a good marriage for many years. my kids are adults so no need to even have contact. everything amicable - I feel I am over it. Ex is already living with someone else OK good for him,. Dated a guy for three months that I met online. He dumped me after meeting my adult daughter because I didnt pay enough attention to him at dinner. Ok he clearly had issues. So Ive been back online for a couple of weeks. No real bites on the dating profile. Chatted with a couple guys but but they disappeared quickly. How do I not get depressed and not feel like its me - not them. Maybe my ex was right and I am not worthy. Ive signed up for some volunteer organizations to fill some of the weekend time - but feel myself sliding deeper into depression each day. I feel like I would have been handt have tried dating - but know that I have I feel like such a loser.

lovemaui 09/27/2015

I think when we get divorced, without realizing it, we bring at least a little bit of our divorce baggage to our new relationship which can impact our new relationship. I'm not very good at it by any means but there has been talk on this support group about taking time to heal from the divorce. I think this may include looking at our negative tendencies while we were married, and healing from those. Practicing good boundaries can help when entering the new dating scene.

mynewnormal 09/27/2015

I commend you for putting yourself out there! I've been divorced a year next month.. and I haven't yet turned that corner, I think Maui is right, you need to take some time to heal, and find yourself.. before going into the dating world. You can't put your lifes happiness in someone else's hands.. especially so quickly after such a brutal hit from divorce. You ARE worthy of a wonderful relationship, and you deserve love in your life.. but first you need to lean to love you! :) Find who you are, find your passions and your joy.. and once that smile is naturally in place at all times, when you feel like your life is going in a great direction.. IF someone is lucky enough to find you, and share those dreams and passions.. that's when you know its right :) You've just come off a 23 year marriage.. give yourself some time.. its not easy, divorce is a huge huge hit to ego and self-worth, the last thing you need is to let strange men on a website have the power to hurt you too..

your not alone :) find your smile first.. love will follow :)

thesaint 09/27/2015

sounds like you're looking for external approval. You're only worthy if a man will date you.

On line dating is not the place to seek that approval - it will do exactly the opposite - as you're finding.

Take some time alone. Develop your approval internally before you venture out there - otherwise you will be depressed and unhappy. It's a vicious cycle - and the answer is NEVER external to you.

stressedguy 09/28/2015

It difficult because you spent half your life living with your spouse, having someone there whether it was for good or bad. It's hard to all of a sudden be alone, we are social creatures. Being with the wrong person is worse than being alone especially if you haven't healed, take your time

sahm15 09/29/2015

i don't think it's about baggage. i am 2 years into divorce and have been dating. being alone is not an option -- i wouldn't take that adivce. although i would make sure you find your source of good friends -- those you can text anytime, and make several of them... i have connected with other divorced women -- and they are now my friends and we turn to each other a lot. I was with my former husband 30 years, since we were 18 year olds. The loss -- while necessary -- was and still is HUGE. When i get into a little sadness about my current boyfriend -- who is not a talker and just will not text me back -- I quickly hit that massive sadness that isn't caused by this small disconnect with current man, but rather taps into this huge well of loss from my husband. Know this -- know the loss is there and it is huge and it comes up pretty easily with any setback on a daily basis (self-doubts, lonliness). i just think avoiding relationships with others is NOT the solution. making sure you don't blame your sadness on the new guy is important though. good luck

NewBegin2012 09/30/2015

I think what everyone is saying is that it might be ok to be alone in the sense of taking some time off of dating. Not from friends of course. But sometimes we lose who we are and our identify when we are in relationships and even more so after many years in a relationship. Everyone is different. Some people need a relationship and some don't. But in either case, it is good to have a sense of self and an internal sense of happiness before pursuing another relationship. Also, I think it helps in terms of online dating since it can be a crucial playground. Someone who is internally happy and well grounded may have a greater sense of not putting too much expectations on someone they meet until they know they are the one for them. Because there is probably a good chance you will run into duds before you find mister right. If you are not ready or you have high expectations for the first guy you meet, it could keep bringing you back down. But if you take some time to yourself before dating you might be able to handle the dating scene with more confidence and be able to handle rejection better if it comes your way.

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