This experience of loss and heartbreak has been eye opening to say the least. It has pushed me past what I thought I could endure and dare I say it almost to the point of calling it a day. I think everyone has experienced pain at some point in their life, but this pain is relentless. It is not shy. It can double you over at any time. It makes me respect deeply those who have endured these feelings. It's a wake up call to a lot of things for me, albeit a harsh one.

As well as the pain of loss and regret Is the loss of my identity. I don't know who I am anymore. Sometimes you feel you are living in this body that you have no connection with.

I get up to go to work, go to lunch with a colleague, play a gig at a bar, go out, you know, try and be human. But I still feel like a shell of a man. For a long time it has been like the movie Groundhog Day, where everyday i wake to find my friend pain loneliness and emptiness waiting eagerly for me.

At the end of the day, as tired, scared and confused about life as I'm feeling, even 6 months on from a breakup and major life events, I can't say yet it wasn't worth it. They say these things happen for a reason, and they make you stronger. That you will be even greater after this. I try not to live with expectations, but is having hope an expectation? To hope for better days, even dare I say it, love? 

This is some ride, and if you are on a similar ride, I give you my love and respect.