Tomorrow is a new day. Think positive and get that penny. You deserve it and that victory will propel you to even more. Love the penny idea...

Right. Keep the pennies coming. You know you can do this. He doesn't deserve you, and you deserve so much more than him. The fact that you're no lobger with him is the first step to happiness.

Thanks guys!! I almost text him thank you but I stopped. He should have never walked out on us. How could I man leave his wife and two sons to fend for themselves? I wil never understand that. One day I will find a man who wants to love and protect his family. I love all of the positive thoughts. Much appreciated it.

Great attitude to have. Don't let one dog ruin it for all of the guys out there willing to show you how you should be treated. Keep those good thoughts coming.

I will! Thank you!

"One of the greatest tragedies of all forms of abuse is that the abused person can become emotionally dependent on the peretrator through a process called traumatic bonding. The assaults that an abuser makes on the woman's self-opinion, his undermining of her progress in life, the wedges he drives between her and other people, the psychological effects left on her when he turns scary - all can combine to cause her to NEED him more and more. This is a bitter psychological irony. Child abuse works in the same way; in fact, children can become MORE strongly attached to abusive parents than to nonabusive ones. Survivors of hostage-taking situations or of torture can exhibit similar effects, attempting to protect their tormentors from legal consequences, insisting that the hostage-takers actually ha their best interests at heart or even descibing them as kind and caring individuals - a phenomenon known as the Stockholm Syndrome. I saw these dynamics illustrated by a young boy who got a shock from touching an electric fence and was so frightened by it that he grabbed onto the fence for security - and wouldn't let go as each successive shock increased his panic, until his sister was able to reach him and pull him off. Almost no abuser is mean or frightening all the time. At least occasionally, he is loving, gentle, and humorous and perhaps even capable of compassion and empathy. This intermittent, and usually unpredictable, kindness is critical to forming traumatic attachments. When a person, male or female, has suffered harsh, painful treatment over an extended period of time, he or she naturally feels a flood of love and gratitude toward anyone who brings relief, like the surge of affection one might feel for the hand that offers a glass of water on a scorching day. But in situations of abuse, the rescuer and the tormentor are the very same person. When a man stops screaming at his partner and calling her a "useless piece of *(%@" and instead offers to take her on a vacation, the typical emotional response is to feel grateful to him. When he keeps her awake badgering her for sex in the middle of the night and then finally quiets down and allows her to get some of the sleep that she so desperately craves, she feels a soothing peace from the relief of being left alone. Your abusive partner's cycles of moving in and out of periods of cruelty can cause you to feel very close to him during those times when he is finally kind and loving. You can end up feeling that the nightmare of his abusiveness is an experience the two of you have shared and are escaping from together, a dangerous illusion that trauma can cause. I commonly hear an abused woman say about her partner, 'He really knows me,' or 'No one understands me the way he does.' This may be true, but the reason he seems to undersand you well is that he has studied ways to manipulate your emotions and control your reactions. At times he may seem to grasp how badly he has hurt you, which can make you feel close to him, but it's another illusion; if he could really be empathetic about the pain he has caused, he would stop abusing you for good."

And this:

"The trauma of chronic abuse can also make a woman develop fears of being alone at night, anxiety about her competence to manage her life on her own, and feelings of isolation from other people, especially if the abuser has driven her apart from her friends or family. All of these effects of abuse can make it much more difficult to separate from an abusive partner than a nonabusive one. The pull to reunify can therefore be great."

http://www.amazon.com/Why- Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/ 0425191656/ref=sr_1_1?s=books& ie=UTF8&qid=1351304696&sr=1-1& keywords=why+does+he+do+that+i nside+the+mind+of+angry+and+co ntrolling+men

Samantha my mind is having such a hard time with accepting that this once man, who at times is very loving, is toxic. I wish you knew how hard this is. He is their Dad, my husband. For years I thought I had depression and anxiety. He refused to get married and go on family vacations. He did just the bare minimum to keep our relationship afloat. When he did finally come around and decide to get married I was so happy... he agreed to go on family vacations... for awhile. Then he slipped back into his ways. Our value systems totally differ. He told me he does not need love, I do. He says he has no problem being alone. I see a very hurt and wounded person in him that has made him so toxic. Honestly we abused each other back and forth.

I feel the same way - this is my kids' dad. But unlike you he never did anything before to hurt me this badly. I guess now I know that he had just been aloof all this time and I just mistakenrd it for being busy.

I so see myself in these excerpts. It sickens me to see that I allowed my life to be like that for so many years.

I curse the day I agreed to marry him. Even that day I hesitated. I knew. My family was so aloof from each other, being with him was security to me. It was the same as my family - emotionally aloof, but I didn't see it, not for decades. I mistook his need for physical contact as emotional bonding. Wrong!

Each day we wake up is a new day to start anew and refresh our minds. I am sorry you had a bad day yesterday and I hope today will be a better day. I am sorry he hurt you and your sons and abandoned you guys, that is awful. I am glad to hear that you are seeking counseling, I will pray for you, and your sons that in time you can heal. I hope you have some support around you to help you through this difficult period. When my daughters father and I split up my family and friends were helpful to lean on, and of course God always comforts us when we are struggling. I spent many days feeling like I would never be able to live again, but in time I did get better and life did improve. Hang in there and be strong mama <3