this divorce, split up, seperation shit sucks. today i was happy listening to music and dancing around apt while cleaning. then this evening stbx called me i didnt ans first 2 calls but ansewerd 3rd we got talking and im the wound thats apologizing for her having an affair. we are seperated not legal though. and i asked what are we doing divorce when your definately not geeting back together, legal seperation when your not sure either way, or keep as is just apart when dont know. she said to keep as is. I dont know what is what up or down, she is still seeing her other man . Why do i still want her so bad , the plans we made? the vows? the familiarity? Is it love or just so your not alone. I feel all the emotions from when it first started. this is like a game of sorry go back to start and do it all over. I dont know if im that strong. why why why do i want her soooo bad. maybe its because we want what we know we cant have idk. It would never ever be the same as when we first fell in love. how could you ever regain that trust the emotional connection wont you always be waiting for hammer to come down ,hard. As you can tell i'm confused . Hell i dont even know if she wants me back. It's probally all bs i put in my head over analizing. I just don't know reality anymore. any and all advice would be greatly appreciated. All you souls on here are my 2nd family that truly understands what i'm going through. and i appreciate you all from the bottom of whats left of my heart.