I read the comments some of you guys write to my posts and I read posts others write on here. I feel like we all are/were in the same boat. Some of us are trying to hold on to the last bit of hope we have, some are trying to get back up, and some are over the past and living happily.

I wonder.. Is it bad that we all go through it at a different pace? Is it bad that some of you advice me and others to have self respect and not let others walk all over us yet we still let them because we are holding on to hope? Is it bad that we still talk to those we should leave behind?

I know a lot of you guys may be older and wiser with more experience under your belt. I know I may be young and naive or maybe I haven't become a bitch yet because I haven't been heart broken enough times. I do know that I am not sure what the heck I am doing or whether it is right or wrong. I just know I want to do it. I am referring to meeting up with my stupid ex fiance. Sometimes, I feel like the biggest idiot on earth and sometimes I wonder if it can get any worse?

A lot of the feelings have died but I know some still exist and will exist for a while. I am doing more with my life. I am going out and having fun and leaving town this weekend to hangout with many friends I haven't seen in a year due to my move and car accident. We are planning on meeting on saturday. But it may fall apart last minute just like last time. But he seems to want to hang out this time for some reason.. but he is very nervous and he definitely doesn't want to have sex with me anymore.

But I don't know anymore.. I guess I may never know what is really going on in his head..makes things very complicated :/