Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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therapy?

Rockie1
Rockie1

So I am kinda new to all this, I have been married for 11 yrs, together for 17 and have to small boys aged 2 and 6. I have found that over the last five yrs my husband has become angry all the time, nothing I do seems to help and it causes me to become angry and feel like I am walking on eggshells. I find that we don't communicate anymore, we constantly argue over parenting and money. I am currently working full time, going to school part time, trying to raise my family, and he doesn't help, he avoids the kids and helping out with them, and with pulling his weight around the house unless I get angry. I don't have chemistry with him anymore and I feel like I am living with a roommate instead of a husband. I finally had the courage to talk to him regarding everything, I told him I don't think we are working out and that maybe we should look at getting seperated. I have asked him numerous times to go to therapy with me and he has always refused but now that I want to leave, he wants to do therapy...I don't know if I want to try anymore but I feel guilty for breaking our family apart. I know he has anger issues and that he is depressed, I know that even if we don't make it he should go to counsilling, but he has threatened that if we split he won't get help. I am so afraid that he may do something to himself if I leave. I really need some advise thanks in advance

tynee5511
tynee5511
First of all you cannot feel responsible for what he will do to himself he is a grown man. Second of all although he may be depressed sad angry or whatever his issue may be in the midst of that he can't mistreat you or forget the importance of Who You Are and do it for so long it seems like. I think it's time that you start to think about you because how can he sit around and neglect his responsibilities his kids his house duties. I read your story and it seems like a mirror of my own and I know what you're going through but at some point you have to walk away and realize when someone is not going to love you or have the ability to love you the way that you want or deserve to be loved. I think once we figure that out the picture becomes a little more clear we just have to have the courage to make the change. I wish you all the best hugs to you.
veggiequeen
veggiequeen
Like you, I am a maid, roommate (to help with expenses), cook, nurse and (although we never had any kids.....now realize it was probably better in my case) I feel like his mom. I told him I want more than that.....affection, respect, love, and HELP. I have asked twice now for the big D. The last time he and both his sisters did triple team me and scare me into thinking longer (but truthfully my mind is made up.)

He also said before no therapy. He did tell his sister he is willing now, honestly, I think he is only doing it for effect and to prolong things. And so he can blame me as i know it is a waste of time. I am not an angry person (usually makes me run the other way, ) but as time goes on, I feel the anger and resentment grow between the both of us.

You deserve so much better. I am amazed how many women stay and put up with so much. My hope is that you will not let him hold you captive. He is like my hubby....doesn't want me to leave because I continue to do all for him . It is time you start to put you and your kids first. Maybe, just maybe you will find someone who is kind, supportive and helpful (not to mention affectionate) and who wants to spend time with you and your boys.

My thoughts and prayers are with you (and them)
Rockie1
Rockie1
Thank you I know your both correct and i need to make it clear to him that no i am not his mother and that he needs to grow up and be responsible for him. I still want to do therapy but more for myself. Higs to you both. Its so hard leaving and starting over and i think thats more the issue than actually walki g away. We get comfortable where we are. Its easy staying but we will regret it in the end. Life is too short to put up with their crap