That's kind of a bleak way to look at things. Going with your analogy of losing an arm - instead of looking at it as "having to live your life with such a loss", why not reframe that in your mind to living your life with new circumstances and adapting as such? A person who loses a limb doesn't sit around bemoaning the loss of their arm forever - they grieve, move on and learn to adapt using other mechanisms to make up for their lost limb.
Sure, your life won't be identical and "filled" the same way as when you were with your mate, but you can have success and fulfillment in other ways. Fill your life with friends, family, work, volunteering, hobbies - whatever it is that makes you happy. Someone else may come along to take your spouse's place eventually but you have to be able to be happy on your own before you can be happy with someone else. Otherwise it just becomes a whole needy mess.

Right, positive thinking goes a long way in life. And again you're right, people need to pick up their chin and stand on firm ground and move on. Fight for the right to be happy. Thanks for the reply. I'm a faithful Catholic and I'd rather go to Heaven than shack up with another woman in adultery, so my fate is singleness. For better or for worse, until death do us part. I'll have to reprogram my brain to accept my situation and cheer up. Thanks again.

You can make a new life for yourself without having a new mate. I'm divorced for a while now and I'm not lonely. I was lonelier in my marriage than I am now. There is no one else in my life and I don't intend to marry again. I stay busy and work at home. I work really hard to earn extra money but I love what I am doing. It's not really to earn the extra income it's just that I really like to work. I'm never bored because each day is different. I'm too busy to be lonely.

Yes, reprogram your mind and get involved in things that make you happy.

I don't think being alone leaves you empty. I think it gives you the opportunity to find a new happiness, and companionship (with another person or with yourself) that is loving and respectful. I'd rather be alone and "empty" for a while and wait for the chance of a potential better future around the corner than stay in a relationship that is toxic, distressing, and disrespectful. No one deserves to be disrespected. We all need to put ourselves first. I know the pain is difficult to bear, but if you have really gone as low as you can possibly imagine, then there is no other way to go from there but up.

Well for me I don't see myself as being alone and empty , Yes I am going through a divorce with a man I have known half of my life ( no I am not too old ) with my new journey that will be with its ups and downs I am learning to embrace the ups and pick myself up from the downs. I am finding I am singing again I am enjoying music and finding out who I am as a person not a wife . I agree with you that changes in our lifestyle have to take place and we need to re wire our lives for positive change. I would rather be alone through out my life and have my friends, family and my faith and my career ( oh and my cats) than to walk on egg shells or to even be with someone because of the word alone.

Are you getting divorced or just going to
Live separate and not divorce. I know you
are unhappy, Thats par for the course with
divorce/separation.

Divorce is no piece of cake and many on
Here would probably state they hate divorce
And it was not their idea or their life plan.

Sometimes divorce is a hidden blessing if both
sides are unhappy and one side is acting out and
cheating and wants out, then divorce is a very
good idea.

I said my vows and meant them for a lifetime too,
He wanted out and he was very unhappy. There was
Not much I could do he made me very unhappy too
with his actions, thoughts and behaviors.

I am glad its over now, the pain and hurt of living like
that with someone who is miserable and it only got
worse every day. It was unbearable and it was killing
my heart And soul. Now i can heal day by day. HUGS

I think we will remain separated. There is not even a separation agreement. It's a unique situation. But I guess all are. She moved to an apartment about 5 minutes away. I still don't know how she affords it. She comes to our matrimonial home almost every day, sometimes just for a few minutes, sometimes for and hour or two. I have never been to her apartment and don't want too. She does cleaning sometimes and the kids laundry once a week.

We have a 8 yr old and a 10 yr old. My son sleeps at her place maybe two nights a week. My daughter who's 10 has not gone to her apartment for several months and does not want to go there. The mother daughter relationship has been damaged. My wife blames me for her desire to leave, but she left the three of us. She could not handle being a wife and mother. The daily stresses of family life made her very angry and unhappy. Our son has autism and is often a handful. It drove her to want to run away. No one but me, her husband witnessed her inability to cope. Rather than seeking help, she sought independence. She abandoned us.

I'd say 85% of the time, I'm a single parent. From wake up time to bed time. I'd prefer it this way because unlike her, I hate being away from my kids. They are my life and joy. Its saddens me how my kids mother spends such little time with them. Some days there is no contact with both kids. I have grown closer to my daughter as a result and it is wonderful. I have to set up the parental support for her.

But back to the initial topic, I am such a family man and the wife and mother is now absent. My struggle is to live on with an absent family member and spouse. I like order in my life, and our family order is all messed up. And for the future? I don't know what it holds. My prior plans for the future are up in the air.

There are many spouses that can't cope
And leave when things get tough or decide
They just want to have a fun new life with
Someone different.

I hope things work out and you two can co
parent at least. HUGS

Thats how i felt, but wasted 10yrs after my divorce, dating her on and off, and trying to be a fam,while divorced. The good part is i had very good access to my daughter. The bad part is , i wasted 10 yrs. When my daughter was 18, she went to live with mom full time, and all alone anyway

I agree... first time alone in 30 yrs.. and hate it(

Everyone here has a point, my journey has just started, 2.5 months into it, it's a definite pain you'll never forget and for me loneliness set in knowing my life is about to change, we're both in the same house still til my place comes through and I might add she's got a new other, finally realizing that we were never going to be as one again, my focus has changed to focusing more on our youngest daughter, I'm trying to be positive, we have 3 beautiful girls out of all this

I, too, am back to being alone again after 23 years and it really hurts when I realized all the things he was doing were basically preparing himself to moving on. He pays me twice a month $100 in alimony. He uses billpayer and to "communicate" he tells our daughter to tell me. He wants/thinks our divorce can be amicable when he threatened me to sign the divorce papers saying the lawyer will bring up all sorts of dirt and that they will drag our families into it and that our kids will hate me and he will be ruined financially so he can't pay alimony. Now that I signed the papers he isin the process of buying a house and I am staying with one of my brothers, otherwise I can't afford to support myself. I have to help take care of my parents so my dad helps me out and gives me $600 a month. When I see the alimony check it is like reopening a wound. I literally shake from the emotions and I tear it up. I don't want his obligations.

To add another comment in this discussion, do you feel disappointed and cheated and regretful and unfortunate and lost that your marital relationship turned out the way it did? Out of the thousands or millions of people you could have married, the one you ended up with turned out to be a load of crap. The "what if" comes into play. What if you had just met someone else way back then? You may be today in a solid and loving relationship with that person. Although, statistics I heard on the radio the other day paints a gloomy picture for all marriages, based on the divorce/separation rates. My advice to any single person who wishes to find a loving spouse is to use a dating website that has an elaborate personality profile. (not that I have tried). If you randomly meet, then date, then marry someone, the chances of it lasting a lifetime is slim. A serious personality profile which is able to be matched to another like mined person should technically lead to a better likely hood of relationship success. At least I think it should. I suppose no matter what method you use to be introduced to someone, if their personality and mindset changes 15 years later, there's not a whole lot you can do about that.

I do regret marrying my ex, because both of
Our upbringings came into play during our
Marriage. I thought we moved past all the Old
stuff and the old family baggage.

I wish i stayed working on myself longer and
Harder before marrying someone. I had been
In therapy moved away from my controlling
Mother. It was still not enough, i still needed
more Help to heal my deep wounds. My ex
had his deep Wounding too. Two wounded
People do not make one whole healthy person.

On the surface we looked great, mature, responsible
Strong marriage until it all started to crumble and
The cracks were showing. Our marriage then turned
toxic, My bad for staying in it and not leaving sooner.

I guess as it goes, i had lessons in life yet to learn and
my life as it was, was not wasted. Now i need To pick
myself up by the boot straps and start all over again
with me being the focus of my new journey. HUGS

Feeling the same at the minute myself, I used to cook for us an we would watch our programmes together on tv, we would go for walks and get take aways, we went to visit people together in fact we did so much together I feel lost and very alone. You seem like myself were you like to have a companion and when you find yourself back to square one it's frightening. Those things don't seem enjoyable alone. Even going to bed alone is hard. I feel for you and truly understand. Sending you big hugs