Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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rbsingle1959 10/25/2011

So I have mentioned on this post not too long ago that my ex spouse left me for his ex girlfriend from 22 yrs ago. How he left it all for her. His home, his marriage of 23 yrs, his kids and grandkids, his good job and his church to move to Florida with her after he committed adultery from a pulpit having been a pastor for 16 yrs. Yesterday i received the final divorce papers. To actually read it (that my marriage has been dissolved) was the most heart breaking thing to have to endure. What happened? The shock is hitting me and I see myself reading it over and over again. Then I think how for sure now he will marry this woman HE LEFT ME FOR and it makes me sick. How i still think he got the better end of the stick and is happy while he did me in real good and i am struggling to make it on my own.

Karenhopeful 10/25/2011

I am sorry you are hurting. It sucks and what he did is more than wrong.

I wish peace of mind and soul for you and hope you are able to create it for yourself.

deleted_user 10/25/2011

Best you figure out how to stop measuring his happiness (which you cannot actually do with any accuracy, by the way) and make good on your struggle to make it on your own - and add making your life happy to that to-do list. I think that when you can stop being so invested in your assessment of how happy he is, and stop holding up that inaccurate assessment as a barometer of your own happiness, and then start livng your own life with your own happiness, the better things will get for you.

Rachelle7547 10/25/2011

((hugs)) I have to agree with Anne, it sure isn't easy as I still do that to this day, the man I spent 16 years with got married to another woman only 4 months after I left and they have welcomed their new baby only a month ago. It sure isn't easy to wonder how it is that they get the better end of the deal, but Anne is right, there is no way to truly measure someone's happiness, but we can work on our own.

I am so sorry for your pain.

deleted_user 10/25/2011

I am in the final stages of my divorce, and I expect everything to be finalized before the end of the year. I have no idea what my reaction to the actual divorce decree will be, but I'm guessing it will probably be very close to the one you are having now. It isn't fair that the ex spouse seems to be happy and moving on. I don't know your entire situation, but I know for myself, that my STBX is not healthy, emotionally or physically, and therefore, cannot truly be happy or in a healthy realationship. I guarantee that you are in a better place emotionally than he is. It probably doesn't feel like it right now, but I'm betting you get stronger and land on your feet again. I'm sending you positive thoughts and hugs.

deleted_user 10/25/2011

I am so sorry for your pain. I have yet to live through that day. I already dread it. I don't want this but it is what it is. I have no choice. That makes me sad.
I asked him a couple days ago if he ever missed me...He said," He missed the situation of knowing things were working his way." he didn't miss me. A hard truth.

deleted_user 10/25/2011

I agree with Anne too, your happiness and well being are the most important thing. That was my number one goal when my ex left, and seriously, I think it saved my life. I refuse to let what he did defeat me! Even when I feel lower than low, I think about my goal, smile and move on. I'm very sorry he did this to you, and being a man of god, I question how could he? You have your family, and grandchildren. You are more blessed than him.

rbsingle1959 10/26/2011

Thank you all for your support and encouraging words. I am so glad for this site and people like you out there. It just breaks my heart how he fooled me to the last minute and just got up and walked away like all those 23 yrs of marriage meant NOTHING to him. Yet it was always him saying he loved me more than I loved him. Yea right!! I dont know how he sleeps at nite and lives with himself when he knows what he has done. He was a man who pointed fingers at many's sins and look what HE DID. Amazing

deleted_user 10/26/2011

Remember he has to live with what he did. I'm sure his kids and others have lost respect for him. He can't take back what he did but you can hold your head up high and move forward keeping the focus on you and not him. HUGS

momto22001 10/26/2011

I am so sorry for your pain, and I too will be going through it in a few months.

I can only imagine that seeing it on paper has got to be just as hard as the original split was.

I hate the fact that we have to wait a year, I know its over , I would love to just have it over with right now ...

((((HUGS))))) to you

deleted_user 10/26/2011

There is a special place in hell for preachers who leave their wife and grandkids.

deleted_user 10/26/2011

I think getting the final divorce papers is hard on just about anyone, even those who left their spoiuse. It's the dissolution of a life you had planned out for yourself, the one you wanted and created. That's a hard loss. You get to mourn it, and be angry and kick a can around until all the kicking is out of your system.

There's always tomorrow or next month or next year when you'll find yourself feeling and thinking differently.

I'n sorry you're having to go through this. It sure sounds like your ex had a lot of unfinished business from his past he carried with him into your life.

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