Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Long story short....dated a girl for 7 months and thought "she was the one". We talked marriage, moving in, the whole 9 yards. In January she ended things because she got "freaked out" that it was moving to fast. 3 weeks later she came back. About a month ago she ended things because she "needed time and space to figure herself out".
Background on her: Met her after she divorced. While she was engaged she had an affair with a fellow co-worker. Ended that affair...got married...that lasted 6 months...went back to the guy she had an affair with....that ended in 3 months...then I STEP IN THE PICTURES HAHA.
She has a terrible relationship with her mother and twin sister....she is angry at them for "interfering" with her life. She has not talked to them in 2 months and they say they are "done with her".
About a week after the "break-up" I got in a bad car crash and was in the hospital. Her mom told her about it. She sent me 1 text message asking if I was ok, and I haven't heard from her since. This really upset her mom. I was like...whatever...but it was somewhat surprising that a girl that was so close to me wouldn't even follow up with a "how are you" ... I know I would.
On top of that many therapists I have talked to say it sounds like she may have a personality disorder....making quick decisions, bad with money, failed relationships, wanting to be center of attention, lying / betraying family, and so forth.
SO MY QUESTION: Yes...I still love her...but am I playing with FIRE? Am I crazy to want her back at this POINT. Are people right...even her own parents and sister...when they say "YOU DODGED A BULLET......MOVE ON .....RUN!!"??
She says she needs "time and space" to figure herself out...but still sees me in her future.....SHOULD I BE PATIENT AS I WAIT FOR HER TO GET THROUGH THIS??
Background on her: Met her after she divorced. While she was engaged she had an affair with a fellow co-worker. Ended that affair...got married...that lasted 6 months...went back to the guy she had an affair with....that ended in 3 months...then I STEP IN THE PICTURES HAHA.
She has a terrible relationship with her mother and twin sister....she is angry at them for "interfering" with her life. She has not talked to them in 2 months and they say they are "done with her".
About a week after the "break-up" I got in a bad car crash and was in the hospital. Her mom told her about it. She sent me 1 text message asking if I was ok, and I haven't heard from her since. This really upset her mom. I was like...whatever...but it was somewhat surprising that a girl that was so close to me wouldn't even follow up with a "how are you" ... I know I would.
On top of that many therapists I have talked to say it sounds like she may have a personality disorder....making quick decisions, bad with money, failed relationships, wanting to be center of attention, lying / betraying family, and so forth.
SO MY QUESTION: Yes...I still love her...but am I playing with FIRE? Am I crazy to want her back at this POINT. Are people right...even her own parents and sister...when they say "YOU DODGED A BULLET......MOVE ON .....RUN!!"??
She says she needs "time and space" to figure herself out...but still sees me in her future.....SHOULD I BE PATIENT AS I WAIT FOR HER TO GET THROUGH THIS??
People who love you don't do this stuff. Find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you.
It is hard to move on from someone we love but love is not supposed to be so difficult.....
You would read my history with my ex, and probably say WTF??
I do not know, the heart takes a long time to catch up to our brains....
She sounds like she does not even have a good relationship with herself, so how could she possibly have one with you?
I think you are in for a lifetime of heartache, pain and disappointment if you continue to pursue this woman. Maybe try to remain her friend and be supportive, try to get her into therapy. But, until you see lasting changes, I would stay clear.
Sorry, but just the way I see it. My situation is similar and as painful as it is, this is what I have to do.
Im wishing you the best....
Your situation and the scenario that you described has messages written on the wall in black and red ink. Danger.
I agree in full with the possibility of personality disorder. However, more than the ability to read between the lines, if you would read your own experience and what she does to others, herself and you, what would you recommend to a friend in your shoes?
I know for sure, since you asked if you should be patient and wait for her to make up her mind, I suggest that you stand up, put a good pair of running shoes, set your mark and run forever in her opposite direction.
She is trouble. Sorry.
You'll have to make this decision for yourself, but based on what you wrote and my experience, I'd advise you to move on. I know it's not easy, but you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and doesn't play these head games. Good luck!
I cant diagnose her but it sounds a lot like Borderline to me and you really dont want that hell in your life. I was married to one for 13 years. There are a lot of very rash decisions made and usually not for the best. Borderline is called the "I hate you dont leave me" disorder and in fact is more along the lines of the hypocondriac of the mental illness world. They usually have symptoms from many diff illnesses and in my ex wifes case is a manupulative pathologic liar. Most times they can have fits of rage and are prone to be abusive at times.
Like I said I am not trying to pin a diagnosis on her, just saying what her behavior reflects tword.
Best of luck.
This is harsh but you need to hear it. There is nothing magically different about her relationship with you compared to others before. You are already part of the detritus she leaves in her wake. Accept it.
She needs "time and space" to figure out how to put the hooks in the next sucker. You have little value now beyond feeding her ego as she strings you along. Take back that value. Bid her adieu and good riddance.