Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
The most common phrase that I hear is "move on", "get out of the past."
Frankly, if I hear this one more time I am going to scream and throw up. Its such an easy thing to say and superfluous advice. What I want is real answers.
That said, I know there is no cover-all answer. Sadly.
I want immediate relieve. I want the switch to flip. I want to find some happiness in my day.
How does one find relief? How is it that someone moves out of the past?How do you move on, find your sense of self worth after something as crushing as infidelity?
After two years of living through off and on separation, moving in and out several times, suffering through egregious infidelity to the point of it being flaunted in my face- a third year in being completely separated and finalizing divorce. I find that I am not feeling better at all but feeling worse by the day.
Everyone says it gets better with time- but when...???
My ex moved on easily- literally a week after I moved out for the last time. A year later she gloats how happy she is with this new man, she's moving in with him (with our kids)- her life is complete. I keep falling-every time I think I hit the bottom, the bottom falls out again.
I want to make a start. I do all the right things (though I've done occasions with the wrong things and self medicated) and continue to do them. However I cannot get any of the lies, hurt, hopelessness, insults, graphic details, hate, anger and complete disregard out of my head and my heart.
I want to get out of the past, I want to move on; but can't. As we know infidelity makes you question yourself, makes you feel terrible, hurt and angry. It chases me around and I can't shake it.
Frankly, if I hear this one more time I am going to scream and throw up. Its such an easy thing to say and superfluous advice. What I want is real answers.
That said, I know there is no cover-all answer. Sadly.
I want immediate relieve. I want the switch to flip. I want to find some happiness in my day.
How does one find relief? How is it that someone moves out of the past?How do you move on, find your sense of self worth after something as crushing as infidelity?
After two years of living through off and on separation, moving in and out several times, suffering through egregious infidelity to the point of it being flaunted in my face- a third year in being completely separated and finalizing divorce. I find that I am not feeling better at all but feeling worse by the day.
Everyone says it gets better with time- but when...???
My ex moved on easily- literally a week after I moved out for the last time. A year later she gloats how happy she is with this new man, she's moving in with him (with our kids)- her life is complete. I keep falling-every time I think I hit the bottom, the bottom falls out again.
I want to make a start. I do all the right things (though I've done occasions with the wrong things and self medicated) and continue to do them. However I cannot get any of the lies, hurt, hopelessness, insults, graphic details, hate, anger and complete disregard out of my head and my heart.
I want to get out of the past, I want to move on; but can't. As we know infidelity makes you question yourself, makes you feel terrible, hurt and angry. It chases me around and I can't shake it.
2) Go to places you have never been and sit.
3) Go to meet ups or other events.
4) Go somewhere and read recovery or healing material.
5) Realize there is a spiritual awakening to be had in your life, go find it.
Or try these:
1) Cry
2) Break things
3) Scream
4) Get Drunk
There is no easy answer, you have to literally force yourself _to do_. Until you do that and experience truth, you will perceive advice as "superfluous."
- how could she have?
-what do i matter?
-if she sees no worth in me, then i must be worthless
it took a long time for that to subside for me
i got to the point at where i just didn't try to stop falling
hit bottom
bounced
then back to bottom
only then did i realize that even though my "life" was unraveling
i was not
i honored my vows
i honored my words to others
i was solid at my core
then, it was time to get back on my feet
i still wobble a bit
advice:
don't have a timeline
One thing I used to tell myself when I found out my ex really left because of someone else, was that, its sometimes not really about me and all that I am. Well, it is. But I mean, not in a bad way. Some times, people choose another person because that person is at a level they are comfortable being at. That other person probably isn't any better at what they do, or better looking, and most times is not. So they find someone they can be just who they are with. Someone at their own comfort level.
You are probably just fine, like many I have seen on this board or in real life. I know I am just fine as well. Well I have my little things, like everyone, but I am not a horrible person or horrible looking or anything horrible. Sometimes, that right there is the problem.
People need to find and be with the someone they can be with. Even if they can have a diamond, they need to stay in the rough.
hang in there.