Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have been told I have my head in the clouds...That i have unrealistic expectations of a prince coming to carry me off into the sunset and treat me as a princess. I am here to tell you, as much as I would love that, that story is for the little ones.
But I am not one to burst the bubble of hope for anyone regardless of their age. It is apparent that is not always the case. After trying to explain how and why i became the way I am and some of the circumstances that got me to this point I am told i am a selfish person who is hurting an innocent bystander of a husband. I need to lower my expectations and I did chose this path for myself.
Growing up, i did not witness many (hell, any) kind men. The very few relationships i did encounter (for however long)were not exactly healthy. Now , because of kind words from another man (even though he is a zillion miles away and nothing ever would happen we never even met) he did helpme come to believe that i deserve better, have more to offer and he did accept me just as I am (Pretty sad that i had to get somuch of what i need from another instead of my own husband.) OH, BUT WAIT.... That was only because HE WANTED TO GET UNDER MY SKIRT. (That did occur to me as well, but i chose to think maybe there is a kind , caring man or two out there)
My expectations until now were virtually nonexistent (not much point).....Treated like a princess? Hell I would be happy to be treated as an equal, a human being.
I would read and share with others on here and I did come to realize there is positive and negative feedback. I chose to look at both (in the end it does all serve to help you better understand all points of view.) I now see there are alot of men ( as well as women) who are human and do share others struggles and pain. Contrary to what i am being told, I don't think all men are swine.
Actually listening to other men describe how they do treat someone they love, hearing some tell me that i too deserve this (even if they did have an ulterior motive, I chose to listen because it is something I need to hear) was what did eventually stir up all the emotions I have been trying to stuff forever.
I do believe this is my midlife crisis (I always was a late bloomer. lol) but with others telling me i should step back into the world again, I could find someone who I could share everything with...good, bad, ups and downs. I am tired of having to weigh my words and limit communication because of a possible annoyed response. You shoud be able to share and speak freely and show and receive affection and physical touch (not try to remember how it felt SO MANY years ago.) I guess maybe I am being selfish. (maybe it is about time).....but my husband was no innocent bystander.
If I may make an observation: You seem to conflate two concepts, and that makes it harder for you to take the leap of faith to leave your husband. The first is: "I am not happy and I want a divorce." The second concept is: "I hope to find someone better, who I can share everything with, and who will make me happy." The problem is that your action on the first concept has become dependent on the second concept. You're concern for "What if I DON'T find someone else?" is outweighing your recognition of "My husband DEFINITELY isn't the right person for me." Whether you "deserve better" isn't really at issue. The point is that you know for a fact that you aren't happy with your husband. That is independent of WHATEVER the future holds for you. Finding someone new will come later - right now you need to focus on getting rid of the dead albatross around your neck.
I am in full blown mid life crisis mode (fact is I feel like my clock is ticking loudly in my head....no snooze alarm to be seen) I have missed out on so much in my life, wasted so much time....I was just hoping and praying for a bit of real happiness before i am gone.
As I am typing, the tears are here again. I do realize my odds are slim to none. Since I did decide on actually divorcing, I do have moments of fear,(more of the struggle financially with one income) but also of anticipation of freedom and ability to do as I want when I want. I am sad that i will probably miss out on other things because I was faithful.
How you feel when you break up is very intense and if required to explain or justify, one will give those reasons believed at the time. This could entrench those reasons.
In a few years time how we feel is completely different.
It's important for us to survive. That's our bottom line. And if we're dying somewhere we need to move something to find a way to live. That's not really intellectual. That's more automatic. Humans are the only creatures who hold off on trying to survive to keep their social group happy. Well that and ants.
So it's best not to think too much about this, or go into issues of morality or whose fault anything is. Nothing has to be anybody's fault. But a person does have to survive and not die.
Deciding not to die changes everything.
Princesses want princes to treat them like princess should, that is fair
Shouldn't princesses treat princes as princesses should?
Oh that right men are only princes when they put sweetens on a pedastill
WhT at a pig I am
I would go on to open up and share things with him and he with me. He would be the one who would give me the support, encouragement, concern,,,,,,,to tell me what a "normal" relationship should be and that I deserve better than I was currently dealing with. I did grow closer to a complete stranger (a zillion miles away) . IDO REALIZE I should have been sharing this WITH MY HUSBAND.....guess what, he did not want to.
As far as the princes ...I have (had? at this point I don't know anymore) alot of love to give.....I am no princess, but I would certainly have given all that I have to someone who did want that and shared the same with me. I will never be fortunate enough to have a child, but i would try like hell to show and teach him to at least be a caring swine.
oink oink
That is mature
You even seem to consider those choices and the consequences of & on beyond yourself
That is adult
An adult woman is much more rare than a princess
But they do exist
There are the rare find of divine swine...an adult man
Hopefully you'll intersect with one
Don't look for princes, they do charm but they love their own charm too much
I apologize about kids, it was not adult of me to bring "them" into the conversation
But speaking of kids, too many kids are raised to princes and princesses instead of self reflecting adults
I hope that good things work out for you