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Well, while going through my day, still dealing with the aftermath of a failed relationship, namely just my thoughts and emotions and feelings, while going through the day I thought that being a little productive might be in order. You know, try get to my mind off things for a while a distractor job.

So I got 3 loads done, washed and dried and of course the next thing to come is putting them all away. It was the putting away thing that caught me off guard. I opened up my shorts drawer in my dresser, while doing that I came across a envelope buried about 3 shorts deep in the pile, it had my name on it and written in my ex-fiances hand.

Before I could even try to slow down my thinking and try to stop me from doing what I was going to do next, I found myself sitting on the foot of my bed reading the the 2 page note that was left behind. I just sat there, tears welling in the eye's, and was just blown away of the messages contained in the note.

I was expecting her to be blasting me for everything I had done to make the relationship end. I was expecting her to be nasty and kind of tell me how she really felt. But no, the messages were that of hope and her dreams of me having a good future. She told me things like to "stay positive" and "hold on, the pain will someday end" and "keep going to my support group meetings" and "keep focused on yourself" and "please take good care of our cat's, stay strong for them" and "I still love the man I know you are deep inside" and "I don't love the man you became when I was with you"!

She also told me to continue to budget my money like she did when she was here, that way I'll have a better chance to make it. To keep couponing like she had done in front of me for over a year, keep that up to save yourself money. I instantly got floored and super hurt and really confused by all of this.

For just 5-6 nights back we had out final over the phone talk, which that phone call was no where close to the messages that were in the note. For the phone call was filled with negative statements, how she "no longer cared what I do with my life" and "it's not my job to help you anymore" and "your going to do Aaron, what your going to do with yourself, I really don't care anymore"! I was blown away on how the now 2000 miles distance between us brought out a much different woman, than even the one I knew just days earlier that walked out my door for the last time.

So now I sit here super stumped, super confused and really hurt! I now have in my possession two different versions of things. I got a really heart felt note in one hand, and I've got the negative phone call in the other.

It's just the whole I'm powerless to ascertain the truth about all of this, just hard to deal with!

I'll stop rambling.

Honestly I'm betting the note is how she really feels but the phone call was for the seperation that she needs. Bottom line its good advice to focus on you and do all those things suggested in her letter and make them about you. She needed you to let her go and to accept that the relationship is over. But she wanted you to find that supportive note when ud need it most.
Good luck
Practice selfcare

I can give you my take as well. Since I am kinda going through a breakup myself although mine was a very short on/off relationship. The guy I've been dating changed (as it sounds like your ex felt you did). He is a commitment phobe and would go from very hot (loving, caring, warm, etc), to very cold (ignoring me, avoiding me completely for weeks on end) instantly due to his extreme fears of intimacy. I really love the person he was in the beginning (the real him, the him he let out and let be vulnerable until he realized how vulnerable he was and how that opened him up to pain and then ran and shut down). But I don't like the cold/distant version of him now. I know the real him is in there, but I can't drag it out of him.

So, there are times when I say things to him like yours said to you in that letter. I'm very understanding of his fears/issues. I am very supportive and tender and can be very open with him.

Then there are times where I'm sooooo hurt by his behavior and how he sabotaged this relationship that I'm angry. In the past, I have let this side of me out and gone off on him (scaring him away more). But I don't allow myself to get to that point anymore. Your gf is probably just less in control of that. She is going through a hard time too. There are moments where she misses you and would be kind, loving, supportive. And there are times where the anger and hurt take the drivers seat and you get the cold, mean treatment.

That anger is a good indication that there are feelings there. She's hurting. That's my take.

It's called taking the higher ground thereby removing guilt from herself since she's so nice to you. Don't fall for it. Friends even treat each other better, words are empty.

She is probably confused about her feelings. sometimes she is angry with you and sometimes she isn't

I wouldnt try to over analyze things. Shes gone and 2000 miles away, and maybe that distance will definitely help in the long run. I guess all you can do now is focus on you and try and forget her. Ive made the mistakes of staying in too much touch with my ex who dumped me by helping her out and being supportive and that whole scenario caused me nothing but pain in the long run, as I learned Sunday she has been screwing my daughters boyfriend's dad. She was using me as a crutch because I allowed it. You guys dont have kids together, so its better to cut off all communication. I wished I did 5 months ago but we have a daughter (who lives with me by the way) but I shouldve have seriously limited contact to Kid Only topics. It was a serious blunder and Im paying for it. Good Luck :)

kbbcoop77, I totally understand, for the 7 out of the now 9 days since she's been gone, we had been in very limited contact. During the first couple days of her being gone, she would warmly request if I could possibly pick up various items left behind and maybe ship them to me?

Me, I was the dumb sucker and bought it, hook, line and sinker. And in the end I did mail 3 flat rate boxes, and she got what she wanted. So I learned what even limited contact can do, it can make you do things for a person that's 2000 miles away and broke your heart. For these past couple days of now "no contact", no warm felt requests, no "oh poor me" or "Aaron, your an asshole", nothing! It hurts, I'm still to close to the situation to just shake things off and move on without any second thoughts. But I feel where your coming from! Thanks for the input.

Oh yeah believe me I know, lol. This is still fresh for ya, I totally get it. Gonna be a bumpy road for a bit, but believe me with no kids together and some serious distance between you this will help IMMENSELY! Time is your ally now. Good luck buddy! Hang in there..!