Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I recently went through a break-up with my ex-girlfriend about 2 months ago. She and I were together for 2 years and a few months and at 3 years I was going to propose to her because for me, she was the one. We fought a lot because we couldnt compromise on some things. Before I moved up here 3 years ago, I had always lived with my family. Was with them or hanging otlut doing things with them every day. Since i moved up here, my mom was diagnosed with cancer (shes cancer free now, but it was a long hard road), and I havent been able to see my family in like a year. We would always hang out with her family though and while we were there for hours on end hardly anyone in her family would talk to me and I'm slightly shy/socially awkward around people and don't know how to start up a conversation or keep it going when Im not really comfortable with the people. She didn't like my family and while she had good reasons (how they treated me when i was younger, the way they live - my mom is a slight hoarder, and still use me which is why i can't go back to live there), i still love them regardless though and miss them and she refused to make any efforts to go down and see them with me or just go with me as support. I know she didn't like the house (even though my room in the house was clean and untouched by the hoarded mess) and I get that, but it doesn't mean we couldnt have gotten a hotel or something. She ended up breaking up with me almost out of the blue one day. First it was just going to be a break, then it changed to being the real deal, then a break, then her saying she was just done.
She and I live together with some roommates (I have nowhere else to go, I dont make enough money to live on my own and I dont have any other friends who can help me out), recently I moved into another room in the house finally, but nothing is helping.
It hurts to see her every day being happy and moving on just fine when I'm so stuck on her and hurting because I miss her and I want to be with her because I love her with all my heart. I tried to move on and talk to someone new, I've tried just talking about my feelings and everything with my friends, I've tried just pushing myself into working more hours and working out until I'm tired, I've tried going back to doing things that used to make me happy like art and reading and video games, but nothing works. My mind always seems to find a way back to her though no matter what I try to do to distract myself. It's like I'm in this constant heart clenching pain that I can't escape from no matter how hard I'm trying to. I'm constantly crying and in constant emotional pain.
And if reality wasn't enough, every night I have horrible vivid nightmares about us. Nightmares about her fucking other people, nightmares about her fucking herself and asking me to hold her then telling me not to think more of it than her asking a favor because she doesn't know if she really loves me, nightmares of her telling me the same things in my dreams as she has in real life (I'm sorry i dont want to be with you, we can't work together, I don't love you anymore, I dont know if I love you or not I'm trying to fix myself you work on you) and I don't know what to do. The sleep I do get is always riddled with these nightmares. If I wake up from one and go back to sleep, I have another one in a new scenario which is just as bad.
How do I get rid of all these feelings and these terrible nightmares. Its really starting to affect me in a way that I can't live healthy. Please help.
I'm really happy you replied and reached out. I really think making a support group of people who I can talk to who aren't here and who i can be there for too will help me.
What's happening in your situation right now?
I am there too and it is too painful My health has started deteriorating because of the constant pain and stress. This guy he didnt officially leave me but is certainly there. So i decided to walk away myself. He has changed a lot , moved with his parents, cant say no to them for anything even if they are completely wrong and thus can hardly come to see me. On top of that has stopped sharing anything about his life to me. Everytime I ask him to share his heart, his only answer is I dont want to say anything. He is talking so lovingly to his family all the time, even though he knows it hurts me and has nothing to say to me. I was dying everyday so decided to die once and walked out. But I do need support and friends to get over it. So, know that you are not alone going through this pain. There are many. Perhaps we can create a facebook account where people ;like can us can get together and share our grief and support each other?
I feel for you. I really do. It's definitely tough. My advice is seeing her everyday is helping but it sounds like there is no way around it. So moving is a non-starter. It sounds easy - get a better job and move - but that's not realistic.
She seems happy...but a lot of people seem happy. Don't let her moods affect yours though. Focus on you.
Let me ask you this - and you only have to answer for you. Why do you love this girl so much? What did she bring in your life? You said you fought a lot, why? We tend to put our ex's on pedestals when dumped. We only see the good. But there had to be bad things too. No-one is prefect. Fighting a lot is red flags.
You stated your mind goes back to her. Book I read says to use a rubber band on your wrist. Everytime you think of her snap it.
As for crying and emotional pain, it's natural. It's a grieving process. There is no straight line and everyone is different. My ex and I just broke up, and I feel a kick in the chest still. But I know it will go away in time if I work on me, focus on me, reaffirm who I am and why someone wants to be with me. The best way to get back at her is to be the best you possible. Sure her what she lost, not out of spite, but for you.
The nightmares...I have them to. We all do. Our minds are reprocessing everything. It may drive you crazy but it's normal and our way of healing. Just remember it's your dream and you can defeat the nightmares.
I went though this when I was 40. I was engaged and we ended and my daughter was leaving, and job ending. I ended up in counseling and on meds for a while. But really focusing on me, building my self esteem did the most.
If it was mention to be, it was mention to be. True love is out there for you. Use this as learning and continue on.