Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
When your marriage first breaks up, you don't think of all the things you are going to lose. You move out because the house is horrid. The minute you move out, all the renovation work starts. The work he promised you, but never did. She is going to get the house that was supposed to be yours. He announces on Facebook that he's engaged. Never mind that the divorce isn't final. Never mind that he promised you that there was not anyone else; that he wouldn't do that to you because you live in a small town. You go to the store and run in to his friends; not yours, his. Suddenly, he is a totally different person. You've seen him through one thing after another for 24 years. But now, now that he has what he wanted career wise etc., you are history. She is going to get the new improved version. You've also lost your best friend because that's what he was to you. Now he's her best friend. You dearly loved so many in his family; some more than your own family. They say they want to stay in touch, but...she has them now, too. Everything that was yours and was supposed to be yours belongs to someone else now. You are in your late 50's and you have to build a new life and a new future. From scratch. And you've lost so much. And you worry that she is going to be better than you. Never mind that she's wife #4, she's the one who is going to make him happy. The one everyone is going to say is perfect for him. And you remember when that was you. You truly are pretty much over him. You don't want him back. But, you miss the life that was supposed to be yours.
((hugs))
so sad but you know what?
you are an echo of my heart save the part about wife #4.
And don't forget when all the sadness, regret and pain fades away, that you too can find a new happily ever after. Find happiness in yourself, and not having to be there for someone who clearly never deserved you in the first place. That you deserve someone that thinks the sun rises & sets over you and for that person you will be irreplaceable. Then your family & friends will say how good you look and happy you are. I promise, someday, it just takes time.
As for your ex's family, it's probably uncomfortable for them, and maybe some will keep in touch and maybe they won't. After 14 years, I still make sure my son sees his paternal family, and if I see them I smile & say "hi" and give my ex MIL a hug. And as a side note, my ex married his current wfe before our divorce was final. They are just morons sometimes! Hang in there!
All I can say is that the hurt will lessen over time... but that doesn't stop it from sucking big-time.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))
The future that was some kind of outline on your horizon, perhaps a blurry outline but an outline nonetheless, suddenly disappears from view and you're left lost and disoriented..
I'm in the same position after 5 years together, not 24, so I can imagine how much scarier it is for you.
Sending positive thoughts your way.
When you knew you were wife number 3, you had two other wives in his past, but the joy of marriage made you overlook it. Now you probably are thinking bad and seeing some warning red flags..
DO YOU honestly beleive he is new and IMPROVED? Hell no. He didn't improve, he's just on his best behavior for a while. And eventually he's going to have to settle on some young chickie that will diaper him and clean up his poopie pants and sheets AND THAT WON'T BE YOU.
He was never your best friend. Best friends don't do that stuff to you and please don't refer to him as your best friend. Your best friend doesn't replace you with a young version in the snap of fingers.
Facebook has been the cause of so much pain on this board and looking at it holds painful consequences. Unfriend yourself from his Facebook, unfriend him and his people from your Facebook and never LOOK AT HIS FACEBOOK AGAIN. Let them go because they are moving on without you. I want you to move on without them.
I know this hurts you so much, and you will reach a point where that will start to ease and eventually not be so painful. You will look back and be so happy you are not cleaning up his poop.
Now, get to a divorce attorney and get this all out and get help there. Get your husband to pay you nicely and if he is remodeling, he is putting joint money into the home that is probably half yours. Talk to the lawyer.
And get mad. This sucker lied to you and there never being anyone else. he was no good, he couldn't even discuss with you anything before replacing you. that's not a man you want in your life. He's a loser and he lost you and you're more valuable than him. Many,many hugs and a huge kick in the nads to him.
But I understand how you feel. We fall in love with the fairytale. But the prince isn't real.
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV -" For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
The house is a horrid place though it is better now than it was. I let him have the house. I took all the furniture (all paid for). He also has the bankruptcy to pay because it was mostly his. And I made him pay for the divorce. the only bills I have are normal living expenses: rent, utilities etc.
I'm trying to redefine who I am. Trying to get back in to church . Have not been successful so far, but still working on it. Thanks all!