Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Some know my story some don't.
but just wanted to share some thoughts about our house, which use to be our "home"
I put my heart and soul into that house, it was always my dream and goal to be married and have a home by age 35, well it work, and to lose it all hurts like hell..
we lived there quite a while, when the third child came it was either move to a bigger house or do a second floor addition, we looked around at prices and locations etc, and decided to stay put and do the addition,
160,000.00 later it was finally done, that was about 6 years ago,
now the mortgage doubled and had to take out a balloon note, (smaller 2nd mortgage) not a big deal,
combined was around 2800.00 month, again no problem I do ok for myself, big yard, pool, deck nice place to call home, it was tight but we managed, just picked up a second job.
anyways, once I was asked to leave I moved into a boarding house at 1200.00 a month (for one room), stayed there three months, but while there I was still paying mortgage at the house, so I seen a lawyer he said are you sure you want the divorce, I said no I don't she does, he said try to work on it and if you can't come back in three weeks, which I did.
once I figured out I was never going back "home" I went back to see him, we talked for three hours, he went on the computer and figured out the states child support guidelines, told me to stop paying mortgage and give her 420.00 a week.
I was running supper low on funds, paying everything aways and gave in, I pick up the kids that week and handed her a check for 420.00
she was pissed and said I don't want this, this is not nearly enough and she threw it back at me, I just left, left check on ground and drove away.
that's when things got ugly for me, see she friend was giving her bad advice saying he'll pay the mortgage, plus you'll get child support, alimony, 1/2 his 401 k, 1/2 his pension etc... life on easy street so she thought...
she quickly fell behind, which ruined our credit.
in court, she cries she needs more money etc... but guidelines are in place for a reason, my payment went down to 400.00 a week in child support, no 1/2 of pension cause I don't have one, no Alimony cause she works fulltime as well as I do, no 401 k cause we agreed that she keeps the house and does not get half. so she walked out with me off deed, and 400.00 ( plus I pay health insurance for her and kids which I always have and always will)
court agreed that to get my name off mortgage she needs to refinance alone once a year for five years, if not the house will be sold in 2020 to get my name off the note, all parties agreed, also agreed that is she is late on either mortgages the house be sold right away. court ordered.
so i'm locked into this mortgage till 2020 cause no bank is going to give her a loan alone....
get a certified letter from mortgage company, few weeks back, she's four months behind, 6 months behind on second,
now keep in mind the house is underwater cause the addition.
so I call my lawyer and says we'll bring her to court to have house sold, I said we'll my credit is already ruined lets play it out, I don't want to disrupt the kids in anyway at all thats' there "home"
we were both thinking she was going to stay there as long as she could rent free banking every penny she makes, which would be about 7 grand a month until the bank forecloses on her.
so I call mortgage company last week when I got back from vacation, they said they spoke to her and she's getting a loan modification which will bring the payment to 1800.00 a month, but it's a new loan for 40 years and i'm still on it..and she cannot get a refinance for a least a year and a half, cause you have to be current and pay on time for 1 full year, (all the behind payments get put back on loan) ,
called the second mortgage company and she's all caught up with them as well, whew,, but credit is still junk.
not sure what her thinking is, i'm glad it went down 1000. but at the same time come 2020 it will have to be sold. I would like to someday buy another home or condo but can't while being tied into the house they live in.
just hope she keeps current with the 1800.00
I feel this is just a bandaid , don't know what her game plan will be in 2020 if she can't refinance, is it wrong of me to want my name off it.
worse part about ruined credit my son who suppose to leave for college in a few weeks, we can't get a loan for him, he's heartbroken, my heart bleeds for him, the school he got excepted is 40 grand a year, but with grants and scholarship they knocked 24 grand off for him, I tried everywhere for loans, going to two more banks tomorrow, even if they do automatic withdrawals i'm fine with it....
he said if he can't go to school he'll just join the military.
I feel so bad I mean he went out and bought all his dorm stuff, sweatshirts with the schools name on it etc..
just last year my two credit cards had 20 thousand dollar limits on them and today I can get a pack of bubble gum on credit.
can't file bankruptcy until my name is off the house, so i'm for a long ride...
I am happy for the kids they get to stay in the house for at least 5 more years,
i'm sure once my son's gone, her boyfriend will move in with them which will be another blow to me...
but just wanted to share some thoughts about our house, which use to be our "home"
I put my heart and soul into that house, it was always my dream and goal to be married and have a home by age 35, well it work, and to lose it all hurts like hell..
we lived there quite a while, when the third child came it was either move to a bigger house or do a second floor addition, we looked around at prices and locations etc, and decided to stay put and do the addition,
160,000.00 later it was finally done, that was about 6 years ago,
now the mortgage doubled and had to take out a balloon note, (smaller 2nd mortgage) not a big deal,
combined was around 2800.00 month, again no problem I do ok for myself, big yard, pool, deck nice place to call home, it was tight but we managed, just picked up a second job.
anyways, once I was asked to leave I moved into a boarding house at 1200.00 a month (for one room), stayed there three months, but while there I was still paying mortgage at the house, so I seen a lawyer he said are you sure you want the divorce, I said no I don't she does, he said try to work on it and if you can't come back in three weeks, which I did.
once I figured out I was never going back "home" I went back to see him, we talked for three hours, he went on the computer and figured out the states child support guidelines, told me to stop paying mortgage and give her 420.00 a week.
I was running supper low on funds, paying everything aways and gave in, I pick up the kids that week and handed her a check for 420.00
she was pissed and said I don't want this, this is not nearly enough and she threw it back at me, I just left, left check on ground and drove away.
that's when things got ugly for me, see she friend was giving her bad advice saying he'll pay the mortgage, plus you'll get child support, alimony, 1/2 his 401 k, 1/2 his pension etc... life on easy street so she thought...
she quickly fell behind, which ruined our credit.
in court, she cries she needs more money etc... but guidelines are in place for a reason, my payment went down to 400.00 a week in child support, no 1/2 of pension cause I don't have one, no Alimony cause she works fulltime as well as I do, no 401 k cause we agreed that she keeps the house and does not get half. so she walked out with me off deed, and 400.00 ( plus I pay health insurance for her and kids which I always have and always will)
court agreed that to get my name off mortgage she needs to refinance alone once a year for five years, if not the house will be sold in 2020 to get my name off the note, all parties agreed, also agreed that is she is late on either mortgages the house be sold right away. court ordered.
so i'm locked into this mortgage till 2020 cause no bank is going to give her a loan alone....
get a certified letter from mortgage company, few weeks back, she's four months behind, 6 months behind on second,
now keep in mind the house is underwater cause the addition.
so I call my lawyer and says we'll bring her to court to have house sold, I said we'll my credit is already ruined lets play it out, I don't want to disrupt the kids in anyway at all thats' there "home"
we were both thinking she was going to stay there as long as she could rent free banking every penny she makes, which would be about 7 grand a month until the bank forecloses on her.
so I call mortgage company last week when I got back from vacation, they said they spoke to her and she's getting a loan modification which will bring the payment to 1800.00 a month, but it's a new loan for 40 years and i'm still on it..and she cannot get a refinance for a least a year and a half, cause you have to be current and pay on time for 1 full year, (all the behind payments get put back on loan) ,
called the second mortgage company and she's all caught up with them as well, whew,, but credit is still junk.
not sure what her thinking is, i'm glad it went down 1000. but at the same time come 2020 it will have to be sold. I would like to someday buy another home or condo but can't while being tied into the house they live in.
just hope she keeps current with the 1800.00
I feel this is just a bandaid , don't know what her game plan will be in 2020 if she can't refinance, is it wrong of me to want my name off it.
worse part about ruined credit my son who suppose to leave for college in a few weeks, we can't get a loan for him, he's heartbroken, my heart bleeds for him, the school he got excepted is 40 grand a year, but with grants and scholarship they knocked 24 grand off for him, I tried everywhere for loans, going to two more banks tomorrow, even if they do automatic withdrawals i'm fine with it....
he said if he can't go to school he'll just join the military.
I feel so bad I mean he went out and bought all his dorm stuff, sweatshirts with the schools name on it etc..
just last year my two credit cards had 20 thousand dollar limits on them and today I can get a pack of bubble gum on credit.
can't file bankruptcy until my name is off the house, so i'm for a long ride...
I am happy for the kids they get to stay in the house for at least 5 more years,
i'm sure once my son's gone, her boyfriend will move in with them which will be another blow to me...
As for the rest, I'm sorry your ex is putting you thru this. One red flag I noticed is that your attorney told you to stop paying your mortgage. IMHO, that was shoddy advice. Attorneys are not usually financial advisers and it's not THEIR credit that will be ruined when they tell someone to just stop paying for something! And then to not fight to get your name off the mortgage & drag this out until 2020 isn't ok, IMHO.
Have you considered speaking with a financial adviser and/or a CPA to see what can be done about the house so that it doesn't further ruin your credit? It might be worth the relatively small investment to look in to that. Also you might want to consult with another attorney to see if something can be done legally to repair what your attorney did & didn't do.
Wishing you the best of luck.
I'd consult with a financial specialist, or even a bankruptcy attorney, I was able to file, even with my name on my ex's house, but we filed jointly.. my name is on the house in paper only, our divorce papers state he was awarded the home, but he's never going to refinance, we got such a low rate when we purchased.. but its not affecting my credit, the bankruptcy cleared everything away.. my credit is shot as well.. same boat, flying high with credit for any and all needs.. to not being able to credit a stick of gum.. but its temporary, its only temporary
I'd consult with a bankruptcy attorney.. just be sure your right in your thinking.. because at this point a clean slate would be better off.. then dragging your credit in an unknown amount of time.. in a BK.. you have a light at the end in 7 years..
just a thought, thank you for sharing your story.. its helpful to read how others split things..