Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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timbob463 03/23/2015

Divorce is a type of death. It is the death of dreams, promises, hopes and happiness you thought you would share forever. There is no real closure in divorce, just loss. Eventually, things will start to get better, but it is never soon enough for the brokenhearted. The pain can be so intense, and so debilitating, that you feel like there is no way you will ever get back to a normal existence again. We cling to old memories and think back to when things were so perfect between us and our spouse, and that just adds to the pain. I guess the real trick is to take only the good things we experienced, and try to forgive and forget the bad things. We can get so caught up in reliving the bad things that have happened, that we forget about the times when we loved them more than ourselves. I pray that God will get us all through this horror called divorce, and strengthen us to a point where we can feel those good feelings again someday down the road.

"Always pray to have eyes that see the best in people, a heart that forgives the worst, a mind that forgets the bad, and a soul that never loses faith in God."

MyTrueColors 03/23/2015

You are absolutely correct that divorce is type of death w/multi-faceted losses. I am so sorry for your pain. I understand it, as I have been through it. But, I respectfully disagree that there is no closure in divorce. Closure comes from within and it is up to each of us to CHOOSE whether we will have closure or not.

It takes time to grieve. Part of the grief can be the belief that there is no closure. If we grieve with awareness and practice self care, we can get past it and move on with closure. It helps to see a therapist or a grief counselor who can offer you healthy tools and practices to make your way thru the grief and healing processes. These processes are not linear and they take time. BUT, time alone will not heal us. We must take steps/actions to heal ourselves.

~wishing you healing~

sadbutrue 03/23/2015

I totally agree with timbob and mytruecolors. Breakups / Divorce is a type of death. I did not get to the marriage part but got to the engagement part. She left me for another guy. So now I am in the mourning process of a death. All my dreams, promises, hopes and happiness is out the door. Time has heal some of my wounds. Life is getting better each day for me. So God heal us all amen.

refurb 03/23/2015

divorce is the death of a family
when it is caused by infidelity, it is the murder of a family by a self centered immature person
the infidelity makes all memories false as someone that took vows and then chooses to sever them is at their core deceitful to themselves and those that they claim to value

memories made with a actor with a lair with a person that hid who they were are memories of what? half truths, me being real mixed with a lair. no thanks, I don't want those memories

happyfree 03/24/2015

You said it all "IT DEFINITELY IS A DEATH"
I KNOW MY HUSBAND (STILL AT THE MOMENT) 45 YEARS.
NOW HES HAD SOMEONE ELSE FOR THE PAST 10, AND WANTS
TO JUST DO AWAY WITH ME AND CONTINUE HIS LIFE WITH HER.
IM SO SO HEARTBROKEN, WE WERE SUPPOSE TO BE WITH EACH OTHER TILL DEATH DO US PART! THIS IS A LIVING DEATH
I DONT KNOW WHICH IS WORSE!!!!
LIVING OR DYING!!!!

loverofstories 03/24/2015

Couldn't have said it better myself. I truly think that at least 50% of my upset feelings regarding the end of my marriage are the devastating loss of the life I planned to live. I feel like it seems trivial, but the retirement, the safety/security, the travel plans, just everything - I planned for forever. Now I'll be back in the unknown and it truly is a devastating thing.

murphytoronto 03/24/2015

loverofst
I agree completely

loosingthebattle 03/25/2015

The end of dreams and what i thought a family was suppose to be. The death of unconditional / forever love and commitment. I guess that's really only n the movies.

I think death would be easier...when a spouse dies they didn't have a choice. Seeing my stbx and knowing he made the choice to walk out after 25 yes and 3 children. Knowing that his friend(s) were more important.....well its just beyond hard for me. Feel I'm making progress and then slip backwards.

idontmakeherhapyenuf 03/25/2015

I'm enjoying your refreshing perspective in your posts, Timbob463. I agree completely. You words are very helpful.

murphytoronto 03/25/2015

There seems to be two types of people

Like us who become our vows and would never question our commitment

and those who lack moral fibre and character.....and their promises mean nothing

enough50 03/25/2015

I agree that divorce is a hugh loss and is a death of a relationship, death of family. When I entered into my marriage I did so with great intentions and also was honest and tired to do my best to acknowledge my own faults and work towards change. I think its great to say that marriage is meant to be forever and we made promises etc., but we are only one part of the relationship. What if the other is not living up to their promise? What if the other lacks integrity? What if she lies, is decietful? How many chances does a person get? I've given many chances to my stbx but she continues to lie and do things she says she will not do. She admited she often "brushes off" my concerns and sees them as petty. So I would stay honest and true in a marriage until it starts to look like the other person isn't changing and is just saying one thing to my face and another behind my back. This started to have impact on my health, wondering whats true and whats not. I cannot continue in this unhealthy relationship, despite my promise.

murphytoronto 03/25/2015

True

Perhaps that is my Ex's justification for leaving me

murphytoronto 03/25/2015

However I have never lied once and my love was pure

Loving11 03/25/2015

Well said. I agree. However, with all death that we encounter, we must pick our selves up and move on. This takes time.

NewBegin2012 03/25/2015

This is a very well written post and everyone has written great responses. I for a long time have been feeling and thinking the same exact thing about my divorce. The words and descriptions people have written have really hit home on how I feel as well.

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